Need to get this out of my head, so I'm grateful that there's a place I can write this down and not cause a commotion with family. I've been out of work for the past 5 months. I send out a resume a day but to date, have only gotten two interviews. One I didn't get, and the other I did well, but it fell through at the last minute. In the midst of it all, my wife found out she's pregnant and while I'm extremely happy about having a kid, her insurance has changed so that before the baby is born, we'll be staring down a $5000 deductible from doctor's visits alone. This is a new insurance plan her employer changed to cut costs. We've been living on just my wife's salary all this time with no savings. I'm completely exhausted from the job search. Every day my phone rings from debt collectors and my ex-wife is a cosigner on a private student loan that won't give any further deferments, so if I'm a day late making the $300 payment, I get an e-mail from her. Locally, I have no close friends. My closest friends are out of state and I haven't communicated with them in nearly six months. My wife has suffered a family member's suicide in the past and whenever I've mentioned suicidal feelings, its been devastating for her. I don't consciously want to end myself, because I seriously want to raise my child, but I seriously look at the near future and worry where the money will come from. I am on Welbutrin, and insurance is currently covering it, but when we reach the end of our health savings account, I don't know that I won't be asked to pay out of pocket for them. Tomorrow my wife and I are going to DSS to see about assistance, and while she qualifies for Medicaid, the rest of our family doesn't and her insurance will cancel if she has another insurance plan, so we may be out of insurance just to be certain we can have a healthy baby. Like I said. Rationally, I don't want to consider suicide. I know what it would put my family through. I also know that in the past, whenever I've been suicidal, I haven't been thinking rationally. Thanks for being here.