I've been clean for almost half a year. In the last few days things haven't been so great. I've cut a few times, and most of my smokes get stubbed out on my hand. Thats not what scares me I can't do it like I used to. I know it's proably a good thing... but it's fustrating. I used to get a good deal of depth in them, but now, with eactly the same blades, I can't. I know it's "bad" and everything... but it used to help... and I know it will again but I can't make it work. It's my own stupid fault for stopping anyway... except stopping was good so.... I so frustrated and pissed of, I'm hurting alot right now (Physically as well as emotionally - I havent had a good night sleep for a while so I have a stupid headach, my rash is back, and my tooth hurts like hell) I know a few deep cuts would take it all away. But I can't do it. The answere is right there, and I want it, but for some reason I just can't. I know this is a good sign and whatever, and I shoulden't try to fight it. But fuck it, I'd rather cut than feel this way. As it is I just have to deal with stuff on my own... and that scares me.