Should be good, but it's not

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by cayzira, Jun 23, 2008.

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  1. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I've been clean for almost half a year.

    In the last few days things haven't been so great. I've cut a few times, and most of my smokes get stubbed out on my hand. Thats not what scares me

    I can't do it like I used to. I know it's proably a good thing... but it's fustrating. I used to get a good deal of depth in them, but now, with eactly the same blades, I can't. I know it's "bad" and everything... but it used to help... and I know it will again but I can't make it work. It's my own stupid fault for stopping anyway... except stopping was good so....

    I so frustrated and pissed of, I'm hurting alot right now (Physically as well as emotionally - I havent had a good night sleep for a while so I have a stupid headach, my rash is back, and my tooth hurts like hell) I know a few deep cuts would take it all away. But I can't do it.

    The answere is right there, and I want it, but for some reason I just can't. I know this is a good sign and whatever, and I shoulden't try to fight it. But fuck it, I'd rather cut than feel this way. As it is I just have to deal with stuff on my own... and that scares me.
     
  2. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    I can empathise with what you are going through, feeling the need to cut and the being scared to deal with the stuff that is hurting you because you're on your own.

    People here on SF are here for you when ever you feel you need to unload.

    PM me if you wanna chat.

    i hope the urges subside for you, please look after yourself.
     
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