• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

Should I be ashamed?


Well-Known Member
Of course, here I go again, asking about what to do with my relationship... I hope people don't mind my insistent asking...

As some may know, I have been having issues with my girlfriend's parents (me being a girl as well). Along with this conflict, I've been struggling with the issue of my own sexuality, and her parents aren't helping a whole lot. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I were playing in a band concert (symphonic/classical music, not the kind on most radio stations), and, although neither my girlfriend nor I remember this, my girlfriend apparently "caressed" my arm and back while we were waiting to get onto the stage. My girlfriend got in trouble for this and her dad practically went into the bathroom with her [we had to change and give back our assigned dresses] (yes, I'm exaggerating with the bathroom bit, but he did pull her away so that she practically had to run to keep in front of him like he wanted), and then kept her away from me the rest of the night (glaring/staring at me, I might add), which was about an hour, while everyone got refreshments and talked together. At this point, I just thought it was her nervousness about talking to me in front of her dad, since he appears to be the biggest advocate against us, however she never had a problem with this before and I was confused and hurt, because she promised that we'd talk later. It wasn't until that night when she was able to text me that I found out that she had gotten in trouble for said "caresses."
Admittedly, our school had a strict PDA rule, meaning no hugging, kissing, holding hands. However, this is complicated, because everyone can attest to seeing straight couples hold hands, hug, kiss, grope, and practically fornicate in the hallway, and my girlfriend and I (me not being "out of the closet" yet) get in trouble for hugs and even linking arms. During that very same band concert, there were two other students, boy and girl, who had their arms around each other the entire concert while they were in the audience.
Her parents claimed that it was because it was a "school function." However, they've done stuff like this before and, when they have, they've told on me to my mother, who is understanding of my relationship and, thus, I haven't gotten into major trouble over it. And, lately, it seems that nothing my girlfriend does can please them and she's always grounded and can't talk to me. I'm sure I'm exaggerating of course, but she can barely go a month without having her phone taken away because of something to do with me, since she hasn't been able to contact me on the internet for 4 months now.
I have been trying really hard to follow their rules, and she has as well, and we were doing decently well until that day. And, in light of everything they've done to prevent us from seeing each other, despite promises that she'd be able to see me more than once a month, and the blatant discrimination the school teachers seem to have this just makes me feel like I should be ashamed that I want to hold her hand, to be able to hug her or lean my head on her shoulder or even link arms with her without getting in trouble. I can deal with the bullying, it's nothing new, but the intolerance of the adults who preach about acceptance and anti-discrimination makes me feel like I shouldn't be this way, and I should change and be purely heterosexual. I have heard teachers talk about me and my girlfriend behind my back like we're a disease that needs to be quarantined and cured, and been scolded by the same teachers who turn a blind eye to couples who grope each other in the hallway.
Should I be ashamed? What should I do? If I shouldn't be ashamed, why do they discriminate in such a way? If I should be ashamed, how can I change this part of me?

By the way, we've only gotten in trouble for it a few times: for hugging, linking arms, and for teachers who assumed we came out of the same bathroom stall when she actually came out of the one next to me. As far as I'm aware, my guy friends, who have girlfriends, have not gotten in trouble for kissing, hugging, putting their arms around their girlfriend, and groping (during class even!).

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I don't think you should be ashamed of who you are In time it will not matter what her parents think but for now i think keep it cool because you don't want to cause more pain for her with them In time they will have to accept her choices or loose her.


Well-Known Member

this website should help...it's amazing...
don't be ashamed of who you are...
not to be cliche and whatnot, but
"those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"
it's true...if ppl actually love/care about you, they will accept you for who you are...those who don't accept you are not worth your time...

it sounds like you're in high school? so, just fyi, college is amazing...it will be really good for you...so hang in there...your environment will change to full acceptance in college (unless you go to a christian university)...in high school, no acceptance of diversity in my experience (i'm indian, hindu, and democratic living in the middle of nowhere - my ENTIRE county is white, christian, and republican...not exaggerating)...despite years of being discriminated against cuz i look/think different, i never changed my ways or who i am for the acceptance/approval of horrible people...but, college was different...i found a lot of ppl who just accepted me for who i am...they are much better ppl...

hang in there!!! go to that website!!!

Mr. E

Well-Known Member
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. They discriminate out of ignorance, which is the same source of their attitudes and discomfort. Society is coming around slowly, but it is coming. There is no shortage of research to reverse some of the poorly conceived notions out there concerning sexual orientation.


Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount