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Should I be here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoodGrief89, Aug 11, 2012.

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  1. GoodGrief89

    GoodGrief89 New Member

    I'm 22 years old and feel like my life is going nowhere.I have a heart condition and feel tired all the time.I dropped out of high school and passed up opportunities that I regret.It's hard for me to talk to people,because I feel socially awkward.

    I haven't had a girl friend,though there have been women who showed interest in me;I feel so much nervous anxiety around many females.I think it's because as a child a woman at my preschool touched me in my privates even though I tried to stop her.Also my mother tried to make me touch her when I was about 10 or 11.

    I don't know my father anymore,he stopped coming to see me when I was around 8.I was raised by my grandparents basically.They always gave love and cared for me, but now I'm in a position where I don't have them around.My Grandfather (who really meant a lot to me)recently died.My Grandmother now lives a bit far.I live with an Uncle that I can't stand to see.He's hooked on meth and alcohol and has mood swings.My mother is also an alcoholic and always has been,she used drugs when she was pregnant with me,So I hate seeing her too.

    I have so much frustration about the way my life is going and the way it's been going.I feel alone.The cards I was dealt suck.I use to be more positive.Not so much anymore.It scares me that I now think sometimes "If I just ended it,there would be no more pain for me".

    I don't know what to do.I feel like shit.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you got therapy hun to help you deal with your past I am sorry you are struggling so hun but with help you can move forward again Talk with your doctor ok see what he or she can do for your depression
  3. GoodGrief89

    GoodGrief89 New Member

    I have seen a couple Therapist,but It was too hard for me to be honest with them at the time.About some of the things I feel mad about.I would have liked to talk about the trouble I have talking to people especially women,but I was afraid it would lead to also having to talk about what happened to me when I was child.Something I wasn't ready to talk about yet.They also gave me Zoloft and I didn't like the way it made feel.
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