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Should I be worried about him ? ? ? Or am I over reacting

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hurricane312, Jun 22, 2013.

  1. Hurricane312

    Hurricane312 New Member

    Its a long story but to get the short version skip to the ****

    I have a " intimate male friend " ( if you get what I mean *wink wink* ) that I have known for about 8 years. I met him when he was about 30 or so I was 19 . He is a unique person to say the least.He didn't
    t act his age seemed more like he was 21 than 30. He could almost always make you laugh, a love for always animals,collects comics toys and paintings from friends over the years, friends and people around stopping by hanging out, and he was a bit of a slut to put it nicely. I knew from the start that he did not want to be exclusive and from what I herd from others he didn't do well with the ladies when it came to relationships hates "I love you" runs away(only loved one girl she broke his hart 15 years ago).

    During the 8 years we didn't speak for 3 of them . I Met someone else that wanted to be exclusive and a commitment. I got pregnant has my son and am still with the father .I didn't think I would see him ever again. Then one cold March when the father of my son and I were fighting and he threw me out and I was living in my car. I got a call from him out of the blue . I don't know how he got my number (I assume from a mutual friend that was worried about me) but I got a call from him out of the blue. He saved me that winter I am grateful , but I eventually went back to the father of my son .

    He comforted me when my sons father would beat me and throw me out . He would wipe my tears and remind me that I can do better and he was just an ass . We would go out to movies with friends of his, or stay in and cuddle on the sofa just the two of us and talk about his passed relationships how they went wrong, work , his friends and just about life or the parts he wanted me to know about. I always knew he had secrets(he didn't know I knew some of them). We never spoke about being together we never talk about us just like we have never kissed. . The sex was WOW as always but he knows I am with someone else and I know he dose not want to be exclusive and committed so it is what is

    But then last spring his mom got sick and he would tell me how he watched her die over 6months . It was hard for him I tyred my best to listen and offer my support the best I could . Then he was going to move out of state last fall we chilled one last time . I guess on his way to his mother's death bed she died , so he came back home.

    I know that his mother's illness, taking care of her and the death of his mom was hard on him . But I cant help but worry about him . I don't get to spend as much time as I want to with him . The father of my son wont allow it but i always find a way. Even if its just for a little while . I noticed a change in him at first I thought it was just his mom dieing . He still had the same apartment evin tho he was gone for a month. But he got rid of almost everything he owned (for the move that never happened I assumed) not like him at all wheres all his stuff he did have new stuff that he got with the money his mom left him . TV, bike, car, weight set . Started going out when he never left his place he was like a shut in almost . I started seeing him on flayers for raves witch was cool cuz I was usually doing promotions for them I was happy he made use of his records finely.

    Then all of a sudden he pulls a disappearing act. I would call tex no answer I gave up deleted his number . He went MIA for almost two months. But then mutual friends of ours would pull me aside and ask me if I have seen or spoken to him. Tell me I should go see him .Soon after that the day before mothers day he texs me I was happy he contacted me . But then once again no answer. The last time a friend of ours pulled me aside they told me he was hurt real bad and to go see him and help him around the house. When I went to see him he made up some story witch didn't sound right but I know if you get nosey he clams up and shuns you so i let it go. Then I hear he has an STD from the same friend. I was like when was this he never told me ( we do have sex he has never told me ) The same friend tells me that hes sleeping around with anyone and any thing and to the point where its getting ewwww that's gross.

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    During this time I notice a change in him a total 180 in personality. We hang out but we don't really talk . He used to make me laugh, cuddle after sex , talk to me about stuff I knew he didn't have an interest in or wanna hear . But now he would snap at me " don't you have anything interesting to talk about ! " He never did that before. He stoped telling me about his life all together. His friends( besides the two that told me I should go check on him ) are no where to be seen. Hes no longer supportive like before he didn't want to hear about anything in my life. I come over and we wouldn't really talk at all we just sit quite and watch tv .... When we had sex it used to be WOW and snuggles talking in bed or hanging out afterwords ,have dinner. Now as soon as hes done he jumps off me and showers,sits in front of the tv I feel like he should start paying me . He still has nothing almost a year later just a tv mattress on floor his computer and sofa .What happened ? His friend tells me he is using Internet swinger sites to find sex partners and obviously the is unprotected he just got over an STD witch he could of given to me ( we don't use condoms 8 years) I know I am not the only one but, I thought that he would use protection with people he doesn't know . I think he got a girl pregnant he asked me questions about abortion out of nowhere one night.

    Hes not acting like himself at all. He got rid of everything when his mother died and I mean everything, told me he was moving out of state and never did , comes back to an empty apartment and keeps it like that, starts partying ALOT when he never did before, is on swinger websites hooking up with anyone and everyone without protection, he doesn't talk to me any more and friends are telling me to go see or call him . He pulls a disappearing acts for weeks or months at a time . Hes down right out mean to me at times and only I only hear from him when he tex me if I call or tex him no answer. And now sex is its just sex he jumps off as soon as hes done and goes directly into the shower and then dressed as he pushes me out the door. Our mutual friend tells me that he doesn't like having him over to his home anymore that hes just gross and I should probably stay away or at least not have sex with him anymore and that he too has noticed a dramatic change in him ever since his mom died.

    I think and feel as if his mom dieing and him being 40 with no family and few real friends that he is all alone and will die that way even if he doesn't tell me I can see that . Should I worry about him hes not the man I met . I miss the man I once knew terribly. I would leave the father of my son for him if he asked if he ever would talk about us or tell me that he loved me(if he ever did) .Its all I secretly ever really wanted just to be with him. Oh well it is what is . I am just so worried I don't want to find him dead or hear that he has HIV or anything else. I just want the best for him, is it all in my head hes just not who I remember him to be. What do I do with a male friend that will shun and block you out of his life if you bring up his emotions and whats going on with him. I hope hes alright and its just me over reacting...
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I wouldn't say he was alright, sounds as if losing his mother has had a profound effect.
    Either, he now feels free to act exactly how he wishes, or he's running amuck because he's emotionally all over the place.
    Whatever is going on with him, you need to look to you and your son's wellbeing.
    Get yourself checked out on the STD front and STOP sleeping with him, condoms or no condoms.
    Being treated like a prostitute is not good for anyone's psychi.
    At this point I'd say give him some space and leave him to get in touch with you, whatever is going on in his head, unless he's ready to share it, will have to stay in his head.

    ps: if hubby is abusive get out!