Should i be worried??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Aug 6, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I wonder , should i be worried???

    I mean i want to die , really want to die cause my life is useless.. i am dying anyway from cancer and i cant seem to make a peace with two people , and i cant fight both pains...

    Reason im asking should i be worried is that i am not afraid..

    I AM REALLY NOT AFRAID OF DOING IT... THE DEED THAT IS.. TAKING MY LIFE.. I AM NOT AFRAID OF DOING IT , OF DYING...

    Like with my last attempt.. my third attempt.. i was kind of afraid, but not this time... This time it comes by smoothly cause i know im dying anyway of cancer..

    And i would be stopping myself from more pain.. sort of like a mercy killing , you know???

    I mean i have given two people plenty of time to help me ease my mind , yet now i get word that everything is okay ( WHICH IT ISINT ON MY PART AND ON MY MIND ) but then i get word that i can corespond with them but only through a third party???

    I AM NOT A KID AND THIS IS NOT HIGH SCHOOL.

    I AM 35 YEARS OLD DAMN IT.. 35 YEARS OLD.. I AM A YOUNG LADY WHOSE LIFE IS ALREADY SHOT BY CANCER , WHO IS DYING ANYWAY , AND YET THEY WANT TO PLAY SOME KIND OF KIDS GAME BY PASSING NOTES AND LETTERS BACK AND FORTH THROUGH A THIRD PARTY..

    WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM??? WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL... I HAVE A LIFE THATS GONNA END , EITHER I TAKE IT MY WAY OR THE CANCER TAKES IT IN A FEW SHORT MONTHS... THEY KNOW I WILL DO IT.. THEY KNOW I WILL YET THEY JUST DONT REALLY CARE DO THEY? THEY THINK THIS IS JUST SOME GAME? JUST LIKE THEY THOUGH IT WAS BEFORE ON MY LAST ATTEMPT BUT THEY FOUND OUT IT WAS REAL.. I AM DEAD SERIOUS , VERY SERIOUS.. I ONLY GAVE THEM ONE WEEK MORE CAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE THERE THAT MAYBE THEY DO CARE, WELL THIS IS THEE CHANCE BUT IM NOT GONNA PLAY ANY PASSING NOTES OR LETTERS GAME WITH THEM THROUGH A THIRD PARTY.. I AM A REAL HUMAN BEING WITH REAL FEELINGS.. I AM NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL. I AM NOT A KID

    I am not afraid anymore... i am just not afraid anymore , so should i be worried??? i mean i am not afraid of doing it.. it seems the temptation gets stronger and i get weaker into giving in to it.. so should i be worried because i am giving in to the temptation and i am not afraid????
     
  2. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    HI can sometime be imature and incensative usually ast the times we most need them to be adult. U are clearly getting very distressed by this couple ive been reading your posts for quite a while now.. What type of cancer do you have white dove if you dont mnd me asking and thats not to personal.
    You can pm me anytime hun if you need to talk and yu feel it may help hang in there and do remember there are people here that care about you and what happens to you:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
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