Nearly 2 years since the start that triggered the worse feelings I've ever known. 2 years on sunday. I've cut to see the pain, to release the dirt that I feel inside. I've bleached my skin to get rid of the smell and yet he's still on me, he's still with me. thursday seeing shrink, what for, what purpose does it serve I've fucked in the head, its not possible to heal from that. P/therapy on friday...why, so that I can "let go", well its not worked, its not happening...18 months and no change. Then off to my mothers to play happy familes with my step brother around..then 2 years since the trigger that opened up wounds that closed. i'm not angry, sad, none of that, just calm, just very calm. trying for so long to find out who i am, the answer..jane doe. Do i want to die. YES. and i feel nothing, nothing about the ppl in real life whom i love. selfish maybe, but then they haven't cared for me when i needed someone. maybe tonight, tomorrow but I don't want to see 2008..i've waited long enough, I';ve tried and now i'm ready to be at peace. should i be worried that i feel nothing, that i've manged to save about 250 mixed tabs but fell nothing other then swallowing them, and sleeping.