Weather permitting, I have an appointment with her on Tuesday morning. I had a nightmare experience with the first one, I told her I had suicidal thoughts but absolutely not intention of even trying to act on them, and the first one pushed the panic button and sent me to the day hospital. I vowed I would NEVER be in that situation again, forced into doing something against my will. And, that has just destroyed me sense of myself, I hate myself now for that. I found a new doctor not quite a year ago. She is as great as the first one was horrible. I really, really like her. And, I genuinely think that she has my best interest at heart, she is a very personable, very caring physician. But, after the ordeal of the first experience, I vowed I would NEVER admit certain things, like having suicidal thoughts, to any healthcare professional. I have told her, and my therapist, that I am depressed, or down -- in terms like that. But, I am extremely cautious about what and how I say it. Also, one other factor -- I desperately want the stamp of "clean bill of mental health" on my record. Admitting this would not only destroy my chances of a clean bill of mental health, it would also be a big risk - at least a risk. I'm very "real world " functional, so I think the odds of being locked up are very slim. I feel like she can't help me if she doesn't know the full picture, but I'm afraid. Should I???????????????????