Should I come clean about suicidal thoughts with my psychiatrist?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MotownJohnny, Jan 5, 2014.

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  1. MotownJohnny

    MotownJohnny Member

    Weather permitting, I have an appointment with her on Tuesday morning. I had a nightmare experience with the first one, I told her I had suicidal thoughts but absolutely not intention of even trying to act on them, and the first one pushed the panic button and sent me to the day hospital. I vowed I would NEVER be in that situation again, forced into doing something against my will. And, that has just destroyed me sense of myself, I hate myself now for that.

    I found a new doctor not quite a year ago. She is as great as the first one was horrible. I really, really like her. And, I genuinely think that she has my best interest at heart, she is a very personable, very caring physician.

    But, after the ordeal of the first experience, I vowed I would NEVER admit certain things, like having suicidal thoughts, to any healthcare professional. I have told her, and my therapist, that I am depressed, or down -- in terms like that. But, I am extremely cautious about what and how I say it.

    Also, one other factor -- I desperately want the stamp of "clean bill of mental health" on my record.

    Admitting this would not only destroy my chances of a clean bill of mental health, it would also be a big risk - at least a risk. I'm very "real world " functional, so I think the odds of being locked up are very slim.

    I feel like she can't help me if she doesn't know the full picture, but I'm afraid.

    Should I???????????????????
  2. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    MotownJohnny, I am having hesitancy about admitting to my pdoc and therapist about how suicidal I am. I don't want to go to the hospital. I've been dealing it by myself. It's going to be hard, but I feel that I can't run to the hospital every time I get like this. Unlike how others feel what I should do, which is to go to the hospital, I'm fighting it. I'm crying a lot and feeling that there is nobody that can help me. I'm all alone when It comes to this. I will die one day anyway. Why should I keep putting it off when there's nothing going on in my life? I have no risk to consider, just my own life. My parents will grieve, but they'll carry on. They know they're not responsible for me and they have admitted that. I have no children to affect, and my life is so insignificant than others because they have more of a reason to hang on. I hate myself that I can't think of anything but death lately. I have no life, just going to group therapy every weekday.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you should always tell your doc what is happeining inside your mind hun only way she can treat you If they are only thoughts you will not be put in hospital . NO ONE moves on i know that doesn't matter what they say when someone leaves my suicide there is a part of you that goes with that person and the sadness always stays it does
    I hope you can be honest with your doc so you can heal and have the good health you deserve ok
  4. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    You should. If you want to help urself.
  5. GloryGirl

    GloryGirl Member

    you will most likely go to the er and be administrated to a hospital. unless your doctor trusts that he has calmed you down and has helped.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It sounds like you have a good doctor, one who genuinely cares. So I think it would be a good idea to tell her how you're feeling. Getting help can't truly work unless you're as honest as possible. I know it's scary, but I hope you're able to tell her.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Like others say to me why waste your money if you're not going to tell them the truth and get the help you need... I'm refusing to tell my thearpist I am suicidal for few reasons

    One is hospitalization and prevents me from my goals

    But to tell them the truth on other hand your an adult it's your decision and to tell them of feelings might get you the right medication you need
  8. Phillips

    Phillips New Member

    I have a therapist too, and I'm planning on telling him that I'm suicidal today. I sent a friend a suicide note in poetry on New Year's Eve, and I can't remember it, so my friend has made me promise to tell my therapist.

    I think it's for the good; I don't think the therapist will send you to the day hospital, or anything like that. It seems like she cares. And I think once our therapists know what's truly up with us, they'll be able to help us more efficiently.

    Good luck. :)
  9. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hi Motown,

    I'm not really commenting much on forums or in chat lately, sorry guys... but, Motown, i needed to comment on this one....

    #1 You say you have a good, compassionate, caring, understanding doc w/ your best interest at heart
    #2 You say you already understand he/she cannot do his/her best for you unless he/she knows all the circumstances surrounding your case, including how you are feeling and the depth to which you are feeling it at any given time.
    #3 You say that you had a bad experience with your last therapist.

    Ok, now, I"m not saying that you are lieing or anything by saying "you say" so much.... I am merely quoting you in a weird way. Now, with all these things being true... I know that your trust in the health care was broken by your first therapist, however... you need to keep in mind too that every person (including docs) are different and b/c of this handle THE EXACT SAME situation differently to some extent or another. You seem to be confident in your "new" therapist... therefore, i am presuming that everything (or at least most things) he/she has done up to this point, is acceptable to you.... why would this be different? You seem to want help, you now have the opportunity to really get it, since you have found that you can trust this therapist.... but trust is only truly earned when you risk it being broken.... have you ever truly trusted this therapist? or just comfortable with her/him? do you want to trust her/him? if you do.... then you have to try being totally honest with her/him .. if not, then maybe you just aren't ready yet and nothing wrong in that AS LONG AS you can find a way to make it through w/o committing suicide in the process, b/c then who knows if you would have ever been able to trust him/her? aren't YOU worth trying to find someone you can trust enough to help you? just my thoughts but yea... i think you should really sit down write out a pros/cons list of what would be the reasons for telling/not telling and see which one you think is more acceptable to you.... after all, this is your life, not ours
  10. MotownJohnny

    MotownJohnny Member

    Hey, all, I DID IT. I had my appointment with her at 11 this morning. And, it went great. :dance:

    demuredawn, you were spot on -- I needed to take that leap of faith. And, I did. And, her response was exactly what I both expected and hoped for -- she was very un-phased by my telling her, said suicidal thoughts are very common with severe PTSD and a history of abuse, and that we can work through this together.

    So, we're changing up some meds, she wants me to text or email her every week to let her know how it's going, and I'm seeing her in 3 weeks per our normal schedule.

    I'm so relieved! Not only because I think the change in meds may help, but because I do feel like I can really trust her. She even said it herself, without me saying anything -- she said "Don't worry, I'm not going to throw you in the hospital just because you have suicidal thoughts.

  11. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    i'm glad it went really well for you and that you have found a doc you can trust :) thats SUCH an important thing to have ... grats hon *hugs*
  12. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I'm happy for you too.
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