Catharsis, :hug:
When you say you need help what kind of help are you imagining?
Scenario one, the suicide attempt: The ambulance screaming to your door, the neighbors all poking their heads out to get a good look, the doctors with their exasperated "what an idiot" looks, the 5 hour wait for a psych evaluation and eventually a couple of guards get you and take you up to the psych ward, through locked doors, assigned a room with two beds and roomate, your given pajama's to wear like a prisoner in jail, and a nurse sits with you and wants to know all about what happened. You find yourself repeating why you did what you did, for probably the 4th time, and even when you explain it again and again it still doesn't make a lot of sense and it still fixes nothing. Then family comes to visit, (if your lucky) and they don't know what to say and their scared and sometimes angry. Trust is broken. Eventually a Dr. comes to see you but they're not there for therapy, just to check on your meds, your bowel movements and your mood and perspective in general. Some hospitals offer classes and therapies during the day, recreational therapy, ocupational therapy, etc. All in all, it's about 2 to 3,000 a night and your there for an average of 3 to 5 days. But, you survive.
Scenerio Two, acknowledgement that you are not safe and will take your own life if you do not seek medical help immediately: You pack a small suitcase, you call a family member or friend to take you to the ER, you tell them you are having suicidal thoughts and you are having a hard time resisting, you still see the exasperated Dr.'s "what an idiot" look, you still get the 5 hour wait for a psych evaluation and eventually a couple of guards get you and take you up to the psych ward, through locked doors, assigned a room with two beds and roomate, your given pajama's to wear like a prisoner in jail, and a nurse sits with you and wants to know all about what happened. You find yourself repeating why feel unsafe, for probably the 4th time, and even when you explain it again and again it still doesn't make a lot of sense and it still fixes nothing. Then family comes to visit, (if your lucky) and they don't know what to say and their scared and sometimes angry. Trust is broken. Eventually a Dr. comes to see you but they're not there for therapy, just to check on your meds, your bowel movements and your mood and perspective in general. Some hospitals offer classes and therapies during the day, recreational therapy, ocupational therapy, etc. All in all, it's about 2 to 3,000 a night and your there for an average of 3 to 5 days. But, you survive.
Scenerio Three, acknowledgement that you are not suicidal but very depressed and can't go on like this anymore: You call and ask to talk to a psychiatrist at your local hospital. You ask to speak to "patient services" to find out how you can pay for it, either insurance, or state aid, or hospital funding, etc. If you need help they will often find a way. if you are in crisis, (which you are) then ask to see someone right away. They may put you on a call list or set you up with an appt. right away. You go in to see the psychiatrist, again, they are not therapists but they ask general questions to make a diagnosis and decide the best meds. They also recommend a therapist and your given another appt. In the meantiime you pay for your meds (ask for generic if money is an issue cause these meds generally cost a lot). Then, you go to see your therapist and explain whats bothering you, talk about your despair and who did what and basically, unload your emotional baggage in their office. Therapist will then try to help you see things from a more positive view point, instructions on what you can do to solve the current problem, and support you in your efforts. See a therapist weekly.
Please note: Even if you choose scenario one or two you will end up at scenario three upon release from the hospital.
There is nothing fun about being in the hospital. Also, nothing gets "fixed" when your in the hospital. And what you think may be a cry for help can quickly backfire and your family, rather than acting with concern, become angry, scared, and sometimes pull away. The only good thing I can say about the hospital is that WHEN YOU ARE AT RISK TO SUICIDE OR SELF HARM the hospital will keep you safe. At least, greatly reduce your ability to harm yourself until your mind can turn around again and you can see that suicide was not, is not the answer and you can then seek treatment.
Real treatment and deliverance from depression comes from learning better ways to cope with the emotional turbulence in your life and ways to reduce that turbulence. That is usually done in therapy and cannot be bought in a pill. Change must take place and only you can do that.
That being said, depression is a curable and treatable illness. However, It's not something you can put a cast on, or take 2 weeks of antibiotics, or go in monthly for dialysis. You need to be active in your self care. It's more like a new diet and exercise regime. It's sort of like diabetes. All the meds mean nothing if your not watching what you eat and following the Dr.'s advise. You have to learn new responses to very old habits. You can do this.
So again I ask, what do you want to have happen? What help and support do you need? Just ask.