I did it again... Burned my arm really bad. Bubbled up and blistered, and is very deep. It will end up being a pretty serious scar.... The thing is, it didnt bother me. I want to do it again. I'm so afraid that if I stop, I'll just let it get to the point where I'm suicidal again... I feel like I should go to a hospital and get serious professional help in a way that will really make it real to me. When I hurt myself, it feels like a movie, or like its all fogged up... Like a dream. There is this weird detachment. Nothing really hurts, and nothing matters but what I'm seeing in front of me... I actuallity, that's how I feel most of the time... Today's been alright, but I'm thinking clearly and this seems like the best option.