Should I get help? *TRIGGER*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by SkyW, May 11, 2013.

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  1. SkyW

    SkyW Well-Known Member

    I did it again... Burned my arm really bad. Bubbled up and blistered, and is very deep. It will end up being a pretty serious scar.... The thing is, it didnt bother me. I want to do it again. I'm so afraid that if I stop, I'll just let it get to the point where I'm suicidal again... I feel like I should go to a hospital and get serious professional help in a way that will really make it real to me. When I hurt myself, it feels like a movie, or like its all fogged up... Like a dream. There is this weird detachment. Nothing really hurts, and nothing matters but what I'm seeing in front of me... I actuallity, that's how I feel most of the time... Today's been alright, but I'm thinking clearly and this seems like the best option.
     
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I agree that you do seem to be thinking clearly and it is an excellent option. Seek professional help now. Let us know how you get on.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do you know what the root cause to your self-harm is? You mention going into hospital..if you feel you need to be in there to prevent yourself from doing more damage then maybe it is the time to tell someone. I think you need to get to the root of the problem and work upwards from there and hopefully under the care of a professional :hug:
     
  4. SkyW

    SkyW Well-Known Member

    It's hard to say what triggers it... I've been on Medication for a little over a year, though I've been depressed for about 12. . .
    Usually, it happens at night. I feel really numb to just about everything, besides this underlying fear and sadness. There really isn't anything there besides that.
    The internal monologue is hard to control... I end up feeling alone and talk to myself, but I can't change the subject. Usually, right before I hurt myself, I end up saying 'What's the point?' or something along those lines... The feelings of fear go away, and I just stop caring all together... The other night, I really, really hurt myself bad.. It wasn't just a cut.. I wont go into details.. But It hurt so much I almost threw up... It felt like I was going into shock after that - I thought I'd need to get stitches, but the bleeding stopped, so I went to bed... I felt a little better the next morning...
    I've been hurting myself without realizing it was self injury for as long as I can remember. I wasn't directly cutting myself, but I was still hurting myself in other ways...
    It's really hard for me to be honest with my doctor, even, because it's really tough for me to be honest with myself. Sometimes I can't tell If what I honestly believe about myself is a lie, a pretense, or what.. Just makes me feel worse to think that this is just a pretense, but I just don't know. I can't tell. Is it real? Its hard to say. Everything is kind of grayed out for me
     
  5. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    It's often difficult to talk to anyone about our fears but doing so can help by acting as a sounding board. If you're only sharing with yourself mood swings can make our feelings seem to have little validity.
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I know you wrote this a while ago. But still I am going to answer now. What you are experiencing is very real. I can see that you may be in a different sort of state when you do it. None the less, it is real for sure. There are professionals out there who can help. And who would believe you for sure. The thing is that sadly, this doesnt get better on its own. But it can get better with help and work with the right person. I hope you will reach out.

    Maybe you can ask your doctor how you can find a good therapist who helps people who si. Someone who deals with this, is more likely to understand. If you are not comfortable asking your doctor, maybe you can ask for a general referal and then ask the referal person if they know of a specialist. You deserve to heal
     
  7. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    YES PLEASE DO GET HELP SWEETIE! Especially sense you are hurting yourself out of pre existing painful reasons instead of harmless masochistic pleasure. Pain is only healthy if it warns you your in danger and triggers your old brains survival instincts or if you enjoy the physical sensation of pain to make your body feel good. Pain only becomes detrimental if it leads to depression, suicide, and death! PLEASE seek HELP! :concern:
     
  8. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    please get help and let us know how it goes for you.

    emily
     
  9. whykittykat

    whykittykat New Member

    i am scared to ask for help because my dad just took me in and he thinks i am doing great and i am happy. and it would jst hurt him but i started cutting agian sometimes i burn myself i almost broke my own arm. and i want to kill myself. but my dad thinks he is doing a great job and he is but if i tell him he will think he is a horrible parent and he isnt the proble is me.
     
  10. Okay, get ready to throw the hypocrite flag.....

    YES - get help. I am a cutter myself (also really like slamming my head into things). But burning... jesus. That is nasty and painful. I am not into pain. That to me seems so,...... idk what the right word is. But god, you are making me almost come to tears reading that (total wuss I know).

    I hope you get help. DBT or whatever. Talk to a doctor or parent or counciler or whatever..... NOBODY is gonna look down at you for seeking help. NOBODY is gonna feel bad knowing you are trying to get better. Good luck.
     
  11. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    you could make sure to tell a therapist that it isnt cuz of your dad. And I believe you when you say it isnt. I think its important to get help. I bet this is what your dad would want. Sometimes healing takes a long time. But its worth it. For you. And also for your dad to have a daughter who is on the road to recovery. But healing and revovery takes time. Will you please reach out? :hug:
     
  12. SkyW

    SkyW Well-Known Member

    I appreciate all the posts... It's not that I enjoy the pain.. But it's a release. . .
    I haven't cut or hurt myself in a while now.. But I noticed I'm having really severe anxiety attacks at times. . .
    I start sweating, tears well up, i curl into a ball and grip my arms really, really hard... and just kind of hold myself and cry for a while... I know why, though....
    Some of you may know, I lost my best friend a while back... I've had a really close friend who i've gottan closer to since then. Turns out he'd been dealing with drug and alcohol abuse, and been keeping it a secret. So now, I've lost two people who have saved me from wanting to kill myself all the time... He's gone for treatment, and he'll be gone for the next 6 months (possibly more) But I havent seen or talked to him since then (can't get a hold of him, and now it feels like he's dropped off the face of the earth)
    He had been lying to me about it the whole time, which is understandable; addicts do that... I know he loved me. Before he left for treatment, i saw him cry for the first time ever, and he begged for forgiveness; of course, i was more than happy enough to forgive him... so long as he took treatment seriously... but since then, i've just lost him completely... idk whats going to happen. I really dont have anyone to talk to anymore...
    That's why i've decided to come back to the forum. It feels like the common denominator is me, though. I feel like maybe I wasnt a good enough friend to these people, and thats why they're falling apart.
    i dont know; i'm doing my best... But it's been tough
     
  13. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    nice to see you back.

    i hope things start to really improve for you soon!
     
  14. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Sky,
    I am so sorry for your problems, you are not to blame for your friends problems. Please don't harm yourself, treat yourself instead. Do hobbies you enjoy to distract you. Pets are great therapy, and give you love back.
    Please seek professional help, don't be ashamed it isn't your fault. I know you don't want to feel pain, you feel hopeless and hurt yourself. I understand I have self-harmed and stopped, it will get better as you are seeking help even on here.
    Your friend needed help, hopefully you will be back in touch when he comes home. You have friends on here, so don't feel alone.
    Let go of the past and look to things you want to do in the future.
    Take care
    Kate
     
  15. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sky, sometimes we draw to us the people who are dealing with similar issues to us. I do not mean the addiction. I mean the pain under the addiction. They are falling apart because of their pain. You could not have saved them. Just like I could not save my best friend who was a heroin addict. Was in recovery and was murdered. It was not her fault. But I could not have saved her.

    Do you think that maybe the best thing to do is what you are doing by coming here and trying to get some support so you can be here for your friend when he comes home? Sometimes when people become real active members of this community find so much comfort that it is somewhat healing. I am not saying tis a magic cure. We all know thats not true. But just to take the edge off. or not to feel so alone. Other people feel not so good being here. And for those people, other things are the answer. Just finding support so you can be here for your friend when he comes home. sending lots of hugs for you :hug: for someone who sounds like she has a good heart. yes, you.
     
  16. SkyW

    SkyW Well-Known Member

    I'm a dude :)
    I understand why you'd say that. The image of someone curling up into a ball and gripping themselves, crying away...what comes to mind is definitely a girl doing that... haha
    But thanks you very much for your support.. It really does mean a lot when people actually say things.. when you know you're actually on somebody's mind
    Granted, i'm not like most guys, so I totally understand the misconception. In real life, I come off a lot brighter, and less emotionally traumatized. To be honest, I'm here because the doctor recommended i keep talking to people.
     
  17. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    okay dude, you officially made me laugh :D The reason I thiought you were a female is because I know a woman whose name is Sky. So I went there. To the basic assumption. If you are a sensitive person, keep that. I know its painful. But its a heck of a lot better than a closed off heart.
    official correction: for someone who sounds like HE has a good heart. Yes, you :D
     
  18. SkyW

    SkyW Well-Known Member

    :D lol
     
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