I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I have been managing for about 7 years now. Just recently I have been through some serious emotional traumas involving my mother. I am have been depressed for about 3 weeks now and I have been doing pretty good until recently. I have been considering suicide for two days now. I am not sure how serious I am. My fear is if I reach out for help I am going to be put on a anti-depressant that is going to trigger a manic episode. Outside of suicdal thoughts. I have also been struggling with impulse control. I have been randomly throughing around the house, smacking and hitting myself and screaming for no apparent reason. I am mad the people on tv just because of the way they look. I know that if I reach out to the crisis center here they are going to try and put me in the hosp and I am not sure I want to do that. I am embarassed by the things that I am struggling with b/c it has been such a long time since I've actually been struggling this much. I know that it is going to be a long drawn out screening process and they are going to ask me all kinds of questions and I will feel stupid. I wouldn't care too much about the suicidal thoughts if I wasn't being so impulsive right now. I need some advice. Should I get help or try to wait it out? I am home alone b/c my dad is out of town for a week.