Should I get in touch

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Crue-K, Mar 23, 2009.

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Should I contact my dad before he dies?

Poll closed Apr 6, 2009.
  1. Yes

    10 vote(s)
    90.9%
  2. No

    1 vote(s)
    9.1%
  1. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    OK, the person this post is about is not dead, yet. Here goes anyway.

    I have not spoken or seen my Dad for just over 3 years, nor have I tried to contact him either. He also has not tried to contact me. I know he his dying from some sort of cancer and he will be dead by the summer, I don't know the full details as I hear all about it from a friend of a friend of a friend etc.

    Considering I have a lot of anger, resentment etc for him, should I contact him before he dies?
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I didn't talk to my dad for eight years because of the way he has always treated me..He is now in his 70's and is close to death also..Two years ago I sat down with him and told him how he made me feel..And he told me how he was brought up and wanted his kids to all succeed in life..Well he never factored in mental illness because in his days no one spoke of these things..Anyhow we buried the hatchet and everytime we see each other we always hug each other.. It's a feeling I never thought I would have with him..
     
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i think you should. even if you both dont bury the hatchet at least you can say that you tried. that you saw him and that you wont have this horrible nagging feeling at you of regret for not trying once he sadly does die of cancer

    whatever you do i wish you the best of luck x
     
  4. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    Definitely for the reasons that have already been explained, best of luck.
     
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    It really is a decision only you can make.

    Use your best judgment, and don't feel obligated to if you don't want to.

    I have a family member that just got diagnosed with some disease that will kill them in about five years and I still never want to see them again.
     
  6. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the comments, it seems pretty much the same as what people have told me already. My heart says to fuck him off but my head says to do the right thing and make peace with him. I need to give this some serious thought. I'm due to travel down to the area where he lives in mid april to see friends so hopefuly I will have made a decision by then.
     
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you already decided but just in case: like many of the posts, I had a horrible (basically non-existent) relationship with my dad, then he got cancer. I think he felt good about the fact that I made the attempt to get to know him, even though it was for only a short while. I gained some insight into his early life that I never knew about and it made a lot of sense when I found out that his early life was horrible and contributed to his inability to have a relationship with me. Go for it!!!
     
  8. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Sounds as if you went through what I am now. I know I should see him as it's not not healthy to harbour hateful feelings. It's just very hard to swallow my pride. I am now leaning more towards actually getting in touch than I was last week.

    Thanks
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    good luck grahamd :arms:
     
  10. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I haven't been in this situation but other guys have given good answers, all I can say it ultimately it's your own choice. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship with him but if you don't go there is a chance you may regret it. Good luck with your decision. :hug: