Should I give one more chance?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by AngelofPainandMisery, May 10, 2018.

  1. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Permanent loser

    I've been married for a few months now, my husband has been very abusive, I told him I would give him a final chance after he got out of the hospital, since then I've given him sub/addition chances within that last chance.
    More recently he has been very emotionally and verbally abusive to the point that I told him a few days ago that if he did it again, it would be over.
    Last night, I was paied yesterday, I bought something online, they charged me twice, but it was just a pending charge and nothing had gone through, I knew this after I bought it but I didn't tell my husband because I knew what he would do.
    He found out right before I went to bed, he was yellin g and screaming, telling me how stupid and incompetent I am and other things that I won't mention. So he forced me to call the bank, they of course couldnt do anything until the charge is posted. After while, he apologized and everything. Right now I'm deciding if I should just let it go or if its time for it to be over.
    I'm so tired of everything.
     
  2. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Hi @AngelofPainandMisery

    No.. You don’t need someone yelling abuse at you. I just kicked my housemate out for being an abusive hypocrite. I’ve had my confidence eroded by my mother my whole life and I’m really sensitive to toxic behaviour. I did give him a few chances but I had it in my mind that “strike 3” and he was out, and I went through with it. I’ve done the same with my Narcissistic ex-husband and numerous boyfriends.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Angel, I am so sorry that you are in this situation. No wonder you are tired of everything! Hugs to you.
    I am the last one to be in a position to offer advice here, really, but it sounds to me like you need to get out of this situation. No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. And unfortunately the evidence is that it will more than likely get worse not better if you stay. If he really wants to change he needs to do the work himself, but you should not have to put up with this treatment while he is sorting himself out. So even if you leave options open for the future if he can show - having done counselling and can really prove not just make promises - that he has learned new ways of behaving, it seems that for now it would be safest for you to leave/kick him out/separate...
    If you let this behaviour go, he is just learning that it is okay to treat you like this, and worse you may come to believe that it is okay to be treated this way or that you deserve it, which is not true!
    Hoping that you are okay for now. Stay strong. Stay safe.
     
  4. JulieDegraw

    JulieDegraw Well-Known Member

    Time to end this marriage. This is not healthy for you. You wouldn't be asking this question if you didn't already know the answer. I hope he lets you go without too much of a fight.
     
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  5. MrsMinx

    MrsMinx New Member

    I'm so sorry about this. You are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out immediately. His pattern will only become more frequent and more severe and you need to ensure your safety. It will get worse if you stay. It will not get better I can assure you of this.
    What you are feeling as it relates to giving him chances and forgiving him etc., is classic behaviour where we try to justify or blame ourselves as being the cause for the violent outburst and behaviour of our spouse. You are not to blame. You are not responsible. Your husband has a serious problem that needs deep counselling to get to the root of his behaviour.

    His manipulative behaviour is wearing you down so that you even question your worth and self-esteem. He is trying to isolate you so that you think there is no-one who can help. WRONG. There IS help! Can you call your mum/family and stay with them for a while? Is there a friend that you can stay with for a while? Or maybe even get in contact with a church in your area-they will definitely be able to help you. Please call someone and let me know when you are in a safe and healthier location. God Bless
     
    AngelofPainandMisery likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi, you really need to get out of this relationship. I second the posts above me. I'm so sorry you are being abused in this manner and SF will be here for you no matter what the outcome but please leave him. You deserve better. You really do. Get help and get out of the situation. hugs x
     
    AngelofPainandMisery likes this.
  7. walker95

    walker95 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Hi there, it does suck that the marriage is relatively new but you're both better of getting out now rather than later. It'll be worth it down the road. This pattern of abuse is MUCH more likely to get worse rather than better.
     
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  8. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Permanent loser


    My mother wants nothing to so with me, I previously used to live with my mother and it was very, very bad anyways, my mother is very verbally and emotionally abusive. I have many, many bad memories from my dad's and after what my husband did to me while I was over there (he had gotten us kicked out of his parent's) I can barely be over there for more than a few minutes.
    The best place would probably be my inlaw's, they are very kind to me, and my husband can't go over there anyways because my mother in law has a restraining against him, put in place by the court. But they are very short on money right now because of the issues my husband has caused. I don't have any friends.
    I don't know, I'm still with him, I'm trying to give him every chance because once its over between me and him, he's going to have to go live in a homeless shelter, he also has court in early June so I'm a little obligated to keep him with me, at least until the first court date, if I can. Cause if he disappears, I'll owe over $3000 to the bail bonds company.