Wander why I didnt die. ( I removed method sorry dont want to violate a rule) lost all movement in my body had blurry vision then couldnt see every part of my body was numb and tingle and shaky. I tried to throw up when I got scared when the left side of my body lost the ability to control it. I couldnt puke all I did was scratch my throat till it bled it was numb. My body felt like your hand does when it falls asleep. Even my ears eyes everything felt like that. When I decided to change my mind and couldnt puke I drank a bottle of apple cider vinegar hoping I would puke. Nothing. Thats when the rest of my body went numb and I could no longer move. Very painful and scary experience. It made me not want to die. Even though I felt I would. I know I dont want to die. But every second of every day I think about dieing. Why cant I stop planning, and trying to die? Some days my inside of my body gets cold and numb. The feeling you get when your so scared you cant move or speak. Happens many times every day. I dont sleep dont eat. Last time I had anything to eat was last week. Went from 201 lbs to 135 in little over a month. WHATS WRONG WITH ME? Why cant I desire to live?