Should I just die already? Or should I continue the frustration?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dreamer11, Oct 13, 2013.

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  1. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    I'm so disheartened. Again.

    See, nothing ever really goes right for me. I think thing's are always just around the bend and like "well, maybe things will finally work out for me!" when really they usually just get worse. I'm not from a very loved background and what I want more than ANYTHING is to make somebody happy and love me.

    I've taken a personality test which lines up almost exactly with how I feel. I'm an ESFJ, meaning I'm a caregiver and want to make people happy, but tend to blame myself when things go wrong. I don't know why things fall apart for me, I'm not perfect by any means but I'm a decent person usually with the right intentions. If I do wrong, it's only because I'm trying to make people love me and want me around. I know I'm attractive and I go to a good college. I'm an A-B student there and have a good officer position in my sorority, which is known to be one of the best ones on campus. I don't know why guys don't like me. I KNOW I COULD MAKE SOMEBODY SO HAPPY IF THEY WOULD ONLY JUST LET ME.

    I'm significantly less experienced than the girls in my college's social scene. I've only hooked up with a few guys. I'm always the one who feels stronger about the guy than he feels about me. I can't help but get my hopes up when things happen. I'm not a slut, I'm not too trashy to be in a relationship. It's not that I'm not respectable. Guys just don't want me. I don't know why. I've tried dressing sexier and being "more chill" especially about physical things but it still doesn't do me any good. I'm still a virgin as a junior in college, which is pretty embarrassing and doesn't help my case of being unwanted. My friends and sorority sisters really care about me and want to make sure that I do it when I'm ready (which at this point i am) AND when the guy will actually stick around and care about me. I'm just tired of waiting. WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT WHEN LIKE NOBODY ELSE IN MY SOCIAL SCENE DOES?! What makes me so different? I just want to be like everybody else. I'm in this sort of box where I want to be having sex and doing normal things for my age but no guy is really ever interested in me, so I can't, so I keep getting older and more pathetic. I HAVE NO INTENTION TO GRADUATE AS A VIRGIN.

    The reason I'm dishearted (again) is because there's this gorgeous, rich, smart guy who I've hooked up with a few times despite that he's out-of-my-league, and I was really getting my hopes up that I may be able to make this a thing, but my friend talked to his friend who found out he may be trying to move on soon from me and wants to explore other options (aka girls). OOOOOF. I'M SO FRUSTRATED.

    Even though I want to be like everybody else, part of me knows I'm different/special, but I don't know why or what for. All it seems to do is debilitate me. Does this even make sense? Part of me knows I have some important purpose or something but the rest of me just thinks, if that were true, wouldn't I know what I was supposed to do? Wouldn't somebody wanna be with me? Wouldn't I be more than an average student? The other part of me just feels totally hopeless and like I have no future. I think about the future and everything just look and seems blank. Maybe it'd be better if I just died off, sorta like the pathetic virgin's martyr.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    RElationships are not all about sex ok you will find someone when it happens and worry about things that are not yet well that is waisting energy concentrate on your education go out and meet people with same interest you have but don't be so desperate hun when you find someone it will happen because it is meant to happen
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    We must live in different worlds because being an unmarried young person who is a virgin does not seem like something that would be embarrassing to me. I guess I believe in families, love, and relationships based on more than sex though... There is time to get "experienced" when you get married. Right now, concern yourself with being who you are, in making friends, and in establishing relationships that revolve around true love, if it is right. When you meet the right person, they'll actually respect that. If they do not, then they may not really understand.

    Don't over think it all. Be who you are and be proud of who you are. Don't let anyone else tell you how or what you should have done or not done. As long as it is right for you, and as long as you hurt nobody, then you're in the clear.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2013
  4. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I don't know why you want to graduate not as a virgin, if you do it with someone you truly love, then it's a good thing I believe. To be honest, I have more respect to girls who can protect themself from unnecesarry sex. I'm a guy, and I respect girls for who they are, not about their body or looks. You know, you don't have to worry about fiding the right guy, when the time comes, someone who truly care for you will come. Not some random guy who only want to sleep with you. You said you are attractive, that's a plus. I bet there are good people out there that really care and wants you, not only as a sex partner, but more as emotional partner. Being a virgin means you have more respect to yourself, don't follow others, You are not the same as them, and be proud as a unique person. Why want to lose your virginity when you can keep it? No matter what people said to you, it's you and your body, no one have the right to do anything to your body but you yourself.

    I'm sure you will find the right one. Heads up ok?

    To tell you the truth, I don't look so bad too, and I usually able to get any girls I want, but I seek emotional relationship more than the sexual one. You should respect your body more, and don't give away sex easily :)
    There are good gusy out there that really wants you, don't be too worried about it okay?
  5. Stoa

    Stoa Member

    I agree with above posts. There is nothing wrong of never entered a relationship, you are only in college.

    In some scenarios, people breakup after graduation as their life change (not all, doesn't mean you shouldn't if opportunities arrive).

    3.0 to 4.0 GPA suggests you intelligent, so there is nothing wrong. Only thing I may suggest is perhaps change the requirements and/or expectations from men may yield different results ´╝łagain, I could be wrong, relationship not my area of expertise).
  6. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    UMMM... I think you are far to focused on Sex, as is the rest of the world. Sleeping around with various partners is just something the world sees as normal, but its really not. Why don't you save yourself for someone special. Someone who treasures you and loves you with the care you deserve. Not someone who wants to just jump your bones and leave you crying. So hold on for that special someone that will come around, I promise you, that you will not regret holding on to that.

    Sex is highly overrated. Sleeping around is not nearly as glamorous as hollow-wood portrays it. People develop negative self-images and Bad self esteem. Hold on for that special person. You will not regret it, this I promise. You deserve to be touched and loved with tender care-- not with someone who wants to just get his rocks off.

    Good luck, let us know how things work out for you. Dont go dying on us now.
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