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Should I just leave...?


Well-Known Member
i am in a relationship with a girl (me being a girl myself). I told my mom and she accepted it well and supports me in anyway she can. My girlfriend can be wonderful, but, like with all relationships, we have our obstacles. However, there is a huge obstacle that I don't think i can get past. Her parents. Let me start from the beginning.

When my girlfriend first told her parents that she was dating me, they didn't know what to say or do. However, they severely restricted the amount of time she had with me. Considering this was over the summer, I was only able to see her once a month and only for about 2 hours, usually one hour. Our calls were limited to an hour, understandably for their bill, and she was only allowed to talk to me on the internet after a certain time and only for an hour as well. I figured that this was just their initial shock and by the time the school year started, they would be more lenient. They were, in a way. I didn't really count seeing her at school, because it's very difficult to have a heart-to-heart and intimate conversation in class or hallways and not expect someone to hear. And, since we live in a small town, this would mean that everyone would find out, and I wasn't ready for that yet (and I'm still not.) They let me see her every other weekend, sometimes. Usually, when my girlfriend asked if she could hang out with me, they said, "We'll see," and then left her to wait until the day before, or, sometimes, the day of, to let her know whether or not she could go. More often than not they were "busy," meaning they either had to go see their family (who conveniently lives close by) or they wanted to get groceries and drag her with them, both of which would take all day and she wouldn't be able to talk to me at all, other than to let me know that she couldn't go with me.

Unfortunately, I have a bad temper, and I have been attempting to reel it in. Whenever I picked my girlfriend up at her house, they never acknowledged my presence at all, only pausing to glare at me. That was when I found out that there was more than one way to make someone feel inferior than insulting them. I felt lower than dirt whenever I went to my girlfriend's house. I told her this, and, at first, she didn't believe me or notice because she didn't want to believe that her parents would do such a thing. However, she did end up noticing, but doing nothing. And I dealt with that. It piled on more and more as she was able to see me less and less and was unable to talk to me more often as her parents snapped at her for little things or misunderstandings. She told me that, sometimes, her father would say that he wanted to put her up for adoption when she was born (since her mother was pregnant before she went to college), jokingly of course. Also, she said that they told her to her face, in all seriousness, that they believed she wouldn't be able to take care of herself in college, which is why she would need to move with them to Florida to go to college and they would just pay out of state tuition. This made me angrier, although I knew it shouldn't, after all, it was her parents and she could live with them like she had for 17 years.

I was just a ticking time bomb, and then the detonator was presented to me. It was so small too! I was joking and sent my girlfriend a message on facebook that said if she wanted to run away, she could live with me. She said that her parents had brought it up to her, and she found it ironic because it was in my message. She hadn't put two and two together but I had. And I snapped. I know it was stupid and that they had every right to read her messages, but it felt like and invasion of privacy because I sometimes talked to her about my depressed feelings and tried to let my anger out through that (unfortunately in bad ways, but I always apologized and tried not to do it again.). More often than not, however, I sent her messages when I was upset, which was all they saw. And I realized that they based all their assumptions on that, ignoring how they, or my girlfriend, may have hurt me too. So, in my anger, I sent them a message. The first part being rude, and in a code, which they found the site to decode a long time ago, and I used that to figure out whether or not they were actually reading EVERY message. Then I told them that they needed to work on listening to my girlfriend when she was talking to them about her being lesbian and suggested that they go to PFLAG for support as well. Then I "implied" that they treated their second child better, and, although I have scientific basis and part of my girlfriend's words on my side, it was uncalled for. I also mention that, next time they decided to use their parental power and read my girlfriend's messages, they were invading my privacy too because I didn't know they were reading those messages and they had personal information about me that I hadn't consented to. All of this was sent on her facebook. I know it was petty, and stupid and uncalled for, and they had every right to snap. Which they did. I removed all communication from online sources to my girlfriend, and I only talked to her at school. I apologized after I sent it, which was all I could do, and, despite how badly I screwed up my relationship with my girlfriend and her parents, it brought my mother and I closer together. My girlfriend got in more trouble, though, since she defended me, and could understand what I meant and that I was angry, and, though she didn't say this to them but she said it to me, I was partially right.

Since then, understandably I guess, they've been acting like middle school children, and, although I've been nothing but civil and respectful to them, the message being the only form of disrespect I have shown them, they have been nitpicking more than ever and are looking for ways to get me in trouble as well. My mother understands and supports me, and I've explained everything that happens to her from my point of view as well, and she is trying to help me understand that, in a small town, PDA among same-sex people will be judged more harshly than worse PDA among boy-girl people. (sorry for the seemingly random topic change. My girlfriend and I fell asleep on the couch in Disney for a band trip, and we got in trouble for PDA, though other girls slept in the same bed and "spooned" [which they though we were doing] and a friend of mine had a boy over in our room and laid down in the same bed and there was holding hands, and kissing among straight couples, and they didn't get in trouble. And, what bugs me most is that my director said, or it was just my girlfriends mother who said "a few times" when we were only aware of one time. Her mother emailed mine in an attempt to let my mother know, and to get me in trouble, which she has done before.)

Should I just leave my girlfriend? I don't know if I can stand her parents any longer, and I have been trying to for 3 years because I love her. Plus, with me snapping, it's ruined a lot of chances that we had, but her parents swear that, "if we get on their good side", they'll give us more time, which irks me more because they didn't do that in the first place and it took me snapping to get them to consider doing it. I know I was/am stupid and petty, and being a general teenager. I feel that I should just make my girlfriend's parents happy and leave because that seems to be the only thing that would appease them. My girlfriend doesn't want me to, but I hate how I feel around them, how they treat me, and I feel worse and worse the longer I stay with my girlfriend because I keep hearing stories of how "it will get better" and "they will accept us" and it doesn't happen. I feel hurt and more depressed than ever, and I know that it's partially my fault because of the message I stupidly sent. Should I leave my girlfriend? I'm sorry for it being so long, but I need advice...
:i'm sorry:


Well-Known Member
I don't know how much help I'll be but at the end of the day, you're in a relationship with your girlfriend, not her parents. It's unfair of them to do what they're doing but when she turns 18 and goes to college she'll have more freedom and they won't be able to dictate the amount of time you have together anymore. I think if you love her then it'll be worth hanging on and hoping that things will eventually get better, for if you leave her then you're basically letting her parents win and you both may end up even more miserable than you are at the moment.

Give it time and see how/if things change in terms of college, etc., and decide then. If you give up now you may end up regretting it.

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