Should I keep going to counselling? Please help.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Madam Mim, Oct 11, 2010.

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  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I was going to post this in the therapy/medication forum, but I'd quite like the opinion of people who aren't in therapy as well as those who are, and I'm not sure how many of the former would look in that forum.

    Anyway, I've been going to counselling for a year now, and to cut a long story short, I'm exactly where I was a year ago - if anything I'm actually a bit worse, as I'm not aware of just how deranged I am, whereas last year at least I could fool myself that everyone was like me and just hid it well.

    If it makes any difference, it wasn't my choice to start going to counselling, I was essentially forced to go by a tutor, although obviously it has been my choice to continue to go every week.

    I just want to be normal and not live in this pathetic world in my head. I just want to be like other people. But I can't see that happening, so I'm actually closer to suicide now than I was a year ago, since at least then I was under the illusion that things might change.

    Anyway, this isn't cutting a long story short. Basically I feel like I've reached a crossroads and need to decide whether to bother with this anymore, or am I just wasting his time? I will admit that I like going as much as I hate it, and the pros and cons work out about equal in my mind, which is why this is so hard and I need your advice. Anything you have to say will be useful.

  2. lurktheshadows

    lurktheshadows Well-Known Member

    I've been in an out of individual therapy since I was six (I'm 18 now)...
    and it never did anything for me..ever

    I am now convinced that individual therapy just doesn't work for some people (i.e me. perhaps you). And that's ok, there are other options. Have you tried group therapy? Group therapy has really helped me in the past.

    Therapy is also just one aspect of your life you should be working on...make sure to keep exercising, and try to meditate, and eat healthy. Maintain your relationships, and try to live in the present. That all sounds ridiculously corny I know, but it helps.

    Also: you may just need to try out different therapists, look around. But if you find it just isn't working, look at your other options.
  3. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I've been in therapy for about 3 years now.

    I've reached a few points where I felt where I wasn't progressing, and I've found teh best thing to do is to be open and tell your therapist. Good therapists won't be offended if you want to switch to a different therapist - not all therapist/client combinations click. Also, there are many different strategies a therapist can try. Initially, I was mostly just working on distress tolerance and crisis management. After that, I did a lot of DBT work. Now I've recently reached a road block (a few weeks ago), and my therapist and I decided to try something completely different and take a completely behavioral approach - we go to coffee shops and things, and she helps me do my emails, approach people, etc.

    Also, to echo what deerspindles said, I've had a lot of luck with group therapy. I really like DBT skills based training - it's not a group therapy in that you share your struggles with others. Rather, its a more didactic setting, and you learn coping skills as a group. It's been crazy helpful for me.

    good luck! Basically, I'd say stick with it, but definitely let your therapist know what you're thinking!
  4. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I think the most critical key to the success of therapy is having the right therapist for you. I've floundered around in therapy before. It wasn't until i found someone who actually 'got me' that i started seeing results. I didn't spend all session trying to explain what was going on (although there have been a few like that, it's not always perfect). I've been seeing her for about 6 years on and off and now she knows me better then i know myself. I can be spluttering our cryptic nonsense and some how she can make sense of it and help me attack the issues.

    Also, you are the one to dictate your success. Therapy is fucking hard work, you have to put in a lot of effort and really be cooperative and agressive....which i know doesn't really work when you are depressed. But there are times when i have been so angry that it gave me that motivation.

    So i guess my point is, maybe don't give up yet. Perhaps it's time to take a fresh approach, whether that be group therapy or a new therapist, that's up to you.

    Personally, meds and therapy has saved my life and i'd hate to see what i would be without it. Actually i know what i am without it, and it's not anything good.

    All the best.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I agree with Domo - if you don't connect with your T, then it's not going to do you any good.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to tell your therapist where you are at Therapist may try new approach then with you sometimes we feel we are not progessing but in fact we are we just don't see it talk to your therapist and see if a new approach makes a differents okay T can't help you unless you are totally open okay
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies. It's given me a lot to think about.

    With regards to swtiching, I am quite limited because I will only speak to a man, and around here they all seem to be female, and I would have to get my doctor to refer me, which is impossible for complicated reasons. I'm also reluctant to change because it took me about 8 months to trust this guy at all, and I just can't face starting again.

    Perhaps strangely, I do think that my counsellor gets me, as much as anyone can. He's desperate to understand what's going on, and wants to help me. I'm just starting to wonder if I can change the way things are at all. I've tried so hard with this and it's just so frustrating that I don't feel that I've made any progress at all.

    He says that he thinks I'm near the tipping point, where I'll be able to make the changes I need, but part of me thinks that he's saying it to make me stick with it. And of course, I should admit that part of me is terrified of making those changes. I've been this way for so long I can't imagine anything else!

    Anyway, thanks again.

  8. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    This part stands out to me.

    I don't mean to sound harsh...but good intentions only go so far.

    Sometimes we outgrow our therapists. As much as they want to help us, it might be time to move on. Ethically i believe they should make this call too.

    I know how hardit is to build up a relationship with someone so i can understand that it would be difficult to leave. But if your progress is stagnant, well you are just going to become more and more disheartened with the lack of results.
  9. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    Therapy didn't do much for me either to be honest. I also am very picky as to who i will talk to(i too will only talk to guys). How often do you go to see this person? could you try taking some time off and see if your better or worse with out?
  10. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I see him once a week for an hour. I have taken breaks before, and although at first I'm ok, it becomes apparent that it causes me a lot of anxiety, and I always regress quite a lot and have to work hard to get back to where I was.

    I hate that this is stressing me out. I have more than enough going on at the moment without having to worry about this too. It makes me so angry with myself that I've become so dependent on someone that I can't seem to just walk away. What's wrong with me?!

  11. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    Can you 'wean' yourself off of it maybe? Like maybe try going once every other week then once a month then every 6 weeks and so on...
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I was in therapy for five years and the first three years seemed to help.. The last two years Didn't help anymore.. I kept repeating myself and she wasn't hearing me...So I have quit going.. I think it is beneficial for the first couple of years.. But long term no I don't think it helps..
  13. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    sinnssykdom, that's not a bad idea. I might try that, although at the moment I'm feeling so suicidal that part of me keeps thinking that I needn't worry about this anyway.

    I saw him today, but was so upset with myself that I could barely speak. He wanted to know why my dependency on it was upsetting me so much, but I don't know. I can't explain, since it's the last thing I want.

    I just don't know what to do now. I've made an appointment for next week, but am hoping to find the strength not to go.

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