Hey! So I literally spent my whole semester break trying to NOT suicide, thankfully it worked, haha. I've been fighting in own head, deciding which inner voice is right and wrong. Still, after all the training and listening from other people's advices, I still can't find the difference between my "bad" side and my "good side". Whenever I feel guilty, I always think "is this a real guilt or just my scumbag mind trying to ruin my life again?". A huge update for what happened after I confess to the girl that I really love for 2 years: she is a shy girl, she is nice, she never had a boyfriend before, and I only have 1 ex. This is what I asked, "I love you, like... I really love you. If you love me back, that doesn't mean that we're dating right now, actually you can decide when we start dating, because I don't want the relationship ruins your life, your friendship, or your college. But if don't like me back, just say it, I won't mad, in fact I'm glad that you're honest with me". She didn't answer "no", instead she answered "friends, okay?". I was like... "okay.", but then I realized, did she mean "friends" but she loves me, or "friends" she doesn't love me? (is that sentence in the right form of grammar? Sorry for my bad English). Just like my every depression story... BUT THERE'S MORE BAD NEWS... she didn't want to reply to any of my message since then. So I asked her friend, which is also my friend, and I told her everything about my crush because I believe that she really understands my crush. She said "just hold on. Maybe she needs time... you know her! She needs to think about everything every time. If it's a destiny, then you will be with her." It... kinda cheers me up every time I read that. It feels like maybe... there's hope. But, my crush never replies to my message anymore. I don't know which one should I trust. My mind that constantly say "she hates me now" and always tells me to forget her, or her friend that told me I should hold on for a while? I don't know if my mind is right... or wrong. Please... I need your help guys. Should I move on? I really don't want to. Love you! Have a great day.