I know that I am definitely very abnormal from everyone else in society. They say that everyone is unique and special, but I am too different to fit in with anyone. How many other people have been socially isolated in their home for years, being addicted to the computer, television, video-games, having missed out on so many social interactions and other events that made them the normal people they are today? Very few I tell you. So I feel that these sorts of people are the only ones I can ever hang around with. I feel that I have to break relations with all the normal people I know so far, for instance, all of my extended family. I have no animosity towards any of them. I just know that I am not good enough for them. They are normal, I am an abnormal freak with many mental issues plaguing me. I have zero self-esteem and feel that everyone else is better than me. It definitely sounds like from reading the symptoms that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I guess I'm supposed to feel guilty that I'd stop speaking to my extended family when they'd maybe like to speak to me. However, they don't know how much of a freak I am, I show them naturally as normal as I can be when I am around them, I put up a facade. But the real me, is compatible with very few people, if any at all. Maybe there are all these people that care about me, but I cannot care about them back in return. I just don't feel compatible with all these normal people and I have to hang around people suffering from mental illness like me, especially if those are very introverted. Maybe my depression is telling me to break off relations with so many people that I know. But maybe its the right thing to do. I'd have to sever ties with people I've known for years, those who are my blood, and instead associate with complete strangers but who share the same plight as me. My extended family may share my blood, but they will never understand my situation, my pain. They are normal and just cannot understand. I did not understand either before I had depression. I have a very large family, but my only true family are maybe my two parents and little brother. Maybe I should just stop speaking to them altogether. My parents say I need to keep ties so I do not get lonely after my parents pass away and perhaps my brother gets distant. I think I'll just have to get used to living alone for the rest of my life after I move out of my parents house or just kill myself to spare the pain of loneliness. I've heard its nice that suicide can be an option when the pain is too bad. I'm glad its still an option for me. When the pain gets too bad, I'll get end it all I suppose. It feels inevitable. I'll need to actually hang around my "own kind" in the first place. Right now, I'm happy just being alone, living with my family. I have little to no need for others right now. I guess after I move out and I'm alone, then I would hang around my type of people, mentally ill, socially isolated, "freaks" like me. The normal people just aren't for me.