Should I only hang around "my kind"?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Sep 7, 2010.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I know that I am definitely very abnormal from everyone else in society. They say that everyone is unique and special, but I am too different to fit in with anyone. How many other people have been socially isolated in their home for years, being addicted to the computer, television, video-games, having missed out on so many social interactions and other events that made them the normal people they are today? Very few I tell you.

    So I feel that these sorts of people are the only ones I can ever hang around with. I feel that I have to break relations with all the normal people I know so far, for instance, all of my extended family.

    I have no animosity towards any of them. I just know that I am not good enough for them. They are normal, I am an abnormal freak with many mental issues plaguing me. I have zero self-esteem and feel that everyone else is better than me. It definitely sounds like from reading the symptoms that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

    I guess I'm supposed to feel guilty that I'd stop speaking to my extended family when they'd maybe like to speak to me. However, they don't know how much of a freak I am, I show them naturally as normal as I can be when I am around them, I put up a facade. But the real me, is compatible with very few people, if any at all. Maybe there are all these people that care about me, but I cannot care about them back in return.

    I just don't feel compatible with all these normal people and I have to hang around people suffering from mental illness like me, especially if those are very introverted. Maybe my depression is telling me to break off relations with so many people that I know. But maybe its the right thing to do. I'd have to sever ties with people I've known for years, those who are my blood, and instead associate with complete strangers but who share the same plight as me. My extended family may share my blood, but they will never understand my situation, my pain. They are normal and just cannot understand. I did not understand either before I had depression.

    I have a very large family, but my only true family are maybe my two parents and little brother. Maybe I should just stop speaking to them altogether. My parents say I need to keep ties so I do not get lonely after my parents pass away and perhaps my brother gets distant. I think I'll just have to get used to living alone for the rest of my life after I move out of my parents house or just kill myself to spare the pain of loneliness. I've heard its nice that suicide can be an option when the pain is too bad. I'm glad its still an option for me. When the pain gets too bad, I'll get end it all I suppose. It feels inevitable.

    I'll need to actually hang around my "own kind" in the first place. Right now, I'm happy just being alone, living with my family. I have little to no need for others right now. I guess after I move out and I'm alone, then I would hang around my type of people, mentally ill, socially isolated, "freaks" like me. The normal people just aren't for me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2010
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    In this day n age, I dont think I agree with your first paragraph. There are millions of people like that, myself included to an extent, and that situation is becoming increasingly common. Might sound strange, but its becoming the norm.
  3. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    I agree with MJ. Lots and lots of people are just like you. Me included. And I read a story somewhere this morning, sorry I'm not sure where, that said social issolation is growing.

    So really, it seems like this is a big, popular club.

    I do agree with your parents on keeping at least familial ties. Both of my parents have passed on and it's just one Grandmother and my brother left that I'm close to. It helps to have at least someone to talk to. I've called each of them at various points and just asked them to talk about anything. Just to hear another human's voice. It's surprising how much that helps.
  4. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    I lose brain cells when I'm around "normal" society because most of them are just dumb inbred morons. Thus I am secluded in the world of reading, gaming, and isolation. The only time I'm out is when I go to work as a massage therapist. I suck at social situation outside of work. I go clubbing every Monday night and dance by myself and feel like a ghost ALL the time. Been there done that, I have no family, and no step-family, been surviving since I was 13 either in the streets or with friends (both come and gone).

    I strive to hang around my kind, which are gamers and heavy metal musicians, and there's plenty in the online world but none where I'm at. And some of them are actually multi-talented in other social aspects besides games and choose to talk about those.
  5. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    You'd be surprised at how many people are socially isolated.
    Since technology is improving people tend to just stay at home so it seems thats what the future is heading to.
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    You may be abnormal, but you're not a freak!
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You're very normal.

    Should you? Well, it's up to you. If you want poor communication and superficial interactions by people who are addicts to gaming/screens and not real life people with feelings, then you'll get it if you do.
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    What makes you think I am normal?

    That may be true for some. But I feel that for many others, we would both better relate to each other. I can better relate to those in my condition than normal people with healthy social lives and so on and so forth. These normal people would just end up shunning me anyways. I think these reclusive people also want interactions, but it is hard when they are reclusive as I am. It is a funny irony. But then we would need to seek each other out, instead of all the normal people that surround us.

    I may be a recluse, but maybe a part of me may want social interaction and other normal things, maybe even biological needs? I just cannot seek them with normal people but instead with people just like me. Don't you think so as well?

    Depression tends to make you isolated from your friends and families as well. But I feel like it is the right thing to do. Who knows who is right, is it my depression or something else? They are all too damn good for me. All normal people would be scared away from my depression and mental illness and I feel I need to cut off from them first before they do it first. Maybe they won't do it and I'm just assuming wrongly?

    I am afraid of rejection by others and would rather reject them first than take a chance of them doing it to me. Thus, I feel that I'll never even try to find a girlfriend, spouse, etc. I"ll just give up on that endeavor all together as well as other things like having a family, etc.

    I remember seeing a dating site for those with mental illnesses and I think that is a fantastic idea. I do feel angry and bitter and maybe sorry for myself. I may feel antagonistic, angry and jealous for normal people as well. I feel that I have to shun them and only hang around my own kind, forget these normal people, even if they are my own flesh and blood. My mental illness has scarred, changed, mutated me forever and I cannot be with them anymore. :(

    You seem to think that me being around normal people would be more beneficial than depressive recluses. How would you think this is better? What makes you think they would want to hang around a freak like me anyways? Shouldn't birds of a feather flock together?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2010
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Hey Rahul,

    You sound like a very thoughtful person, and you ask good questions.

    I hear how alienated you feel. And me saying "You are normal" might sound crazy to you. But I think the alienation you feel, and the things you do to cope are shared by many who you might classify as "normal" and having 'healthy social lives.' I've been around them and they can be very lonely socially isolated people because of the type of relationships they have.

    You might be surprised how many "normal people" feel similar to you, but might use various ways of covering it up.

    As for recluses, or people with mental health problems interacting with each other- you have a good point- if it works for you, and you find meaningful contact, then fine. But I think the line you make between "us and them", is a lot more blurred. People are complex. I said you're normal mainly because, I'm out a lot when I'm well, I'm friendly, I like to listen to others, and from what I've seen people are very isolated, nervous and fearful of themselves and each other, and I then, in turn, feel isolated/alienated, if that makes sense :biggrin:. I used to feel very alienated on a SA board a few yrs ago myself trying to recover from severe trauma.

    I'm not sure if what I said about myself makes me 'normal' to you, but I certainly wouldn't see you as a freak and I bet others, "normal" or "abnormal" might be really interested to talk to you. Your personality disorder doesn't define you, nor does your anxiety or the way you live. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2010
  10. What Ever

    What Ever Active Member

    I don't know what "normal" is, but I know that I am just like you. Everything you said is true to my life. The way I isolate myself with games and movies and the internet and how I always feel like I am not part of a group. I always feel different from everyone I know. Less than them. That's partly why I isolate myself I guess. I know it's not good to isolate myself, but I just can't handle the pain around other people sometimes. It's so hard to act like everything is okay when on the inside I am being torn apart. It's easier to just be alone and deal with it sometimes.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I well relate to what you have said.. I have been in isolation for over twenty years.. I have no friends outside of the forum..I have seveere socialphobia.. When I do go out I wear a hat and sunglasses hoping no one I use to know will recognise me..I stay locked away in my bedroom 24/7..I live with my sister and we hardly talk to each other.. Mostly because I don't trust her.. She repeats what I say to her..Normal?? I feel far from it..I have lived like this for so long that I am use to my own company..
  12. ariel2013

    ariel2013 Member

    Trust me. You are normal. Manny people spend a lot of time on their computers and at home. The only thing separating you from your definition of normal is like 1 or 2 friends that you can go out with. Just think about it. You said it yourself.. Your are excluding people. They are not excluding you. Give people a chance. Everyone is different. There really is not a norm. If you go out to a bar with a friend or family member you will look just as normal as anyone else out even though you won't feel it. Just because people seem normal and happy to you doesn't mean they don't have their own worries and abnormalities. You are just making excuses to not be social it seems like. You have to change your way of thinking about things. And of course you will like to hang out with people with the same interests and hobbies as you, thats normal.:)
  13. randyy

    randyy New Member

    I am very new here. Yours is the first whatever you call your writing. Figured out thing or two have date worked out for finality. Funny, it's good for me. Take care of my dog first and deal with a few people and keep the costume on, and walk from then. I think it was nice meeting you, but that wouldn't be fair to say.
  14. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    Dude, you just discribed me perfectly. Wanna know how much time I've speant alone in th company of video games? I beat Elder Scrolls Oblivon 3 times. In two months. I beat Fallout 3 twice. How about old games? I've beaten the original Fable 8 times (yes, 8 times) and I've played owner mode up to ten years with all 32 teams in Madden 06. I have wasted so much of my life on video games. If I had applied myself to writing music like I have video games, I'd have ten top 40 hits by now

    Friends are not always supposed to just nod and say yes and think the same way as you. While common interests are needed in any friendship, friends should help you grow as a person. They can't do that if they all think the same as you. I find my best friends are the ones who challenge me with new ideas and opposing viewpoints.

    Dude, you do not sound like a freak. I'm a freak. And don't put so much stock in symptoms. I'm not a big fan of shrinks and their "diagnosis", and I certainly don't think of myself in terms of the diagnosis I have received. All of our knowledge brings us closer to our stupidity, and the more I learn the more I realize how much I do not know. It would be nice if mental health professionals thought the same way.

    You would one day. Cherish the relationships you have while you still have them

    I know the feeling. I do not care about anyone. How can I, when I do not care about myself? But I still cherish the relationships I have with the people around me, because once they are gone I'll truly be alone. You think you want to be alone, so did I, once upon a time. I've learned what true loneliness is, and trust me no one want's that.

    Just because they do not understand doesn't mean they do not love you, and it doesn't mean they cannot help, if even in a small indirect way. I think severing ties will only hurt you and those around you.

    Define normal?
  15. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I'm with you. I have been isolating myself for about 15 years. Even before that I was stuck on the atari and nintendo. I got teased a lot in school and I went on my computer and/or nintendo to escape. I'm still stuck on the computer. I swear I have some kind of social PTSD where all those years of being bitched at in school have carried over. Most of the people that did it are cool and have grown up and I don't blame them anymore for any of it. But my junk brain doesn't know hte different and it still thinks this is 1993 or something.

    I tried to learn about computers in school, but I wasn't serious about my education and, in fact, the degree I got shouldn't have even been offered considering how few people were involved. If college authorities had done their jobs it wouldn't have been so easy for me to waste my time and it would have been more likely that I would have actually got a useful degree that's better transferable. However, even if they had made that kind of correction, I might have still kept on that same lonely road I've been on.

    I don't want to make others look bad when I know clear as day it's my fault. I made bad choices and was not thinking clearly. I thought it was the end of the world in 2001. I thought jesus was coming back. I was into conspiracies and read about UFOs and totally became a recluse. I believed wild things. I buried myself in my fears and in games and in my coding hobby. I still do it and haven't found an answer. I still am in the same tired room. I play games. I program. I waste time and feel sorry for myself. Same sh**.

    I have no confidence in myself. I've had a few odd jobs. How many, 8? All of them part-time. I was more optimistic between 1997 - 2001. More jobs back then and more accomplishments. For the past 6 years I really haven't looked for work at all. I kind of gave up. I've tried working at canneries the past few years around here but the work was killing me. I couldn't handle it physically so quit both times. A week ago I checked out a local place and asked what kind of hours to expect and the person says 12-14 hour days, everyday. I said sh** and walked out. No way am I going to go through that again like last year. There's not a lot around here. I recall years ago I was in the employment office and overhearing the receptionist say there were 2500 people on their lists wanting work. But I can't use that as an excuse because I just didn't look and so it's my fault. I'm not that guy who is on unemployment but looking for work and filling out a couple dozen applications every month and doing the interviews. Those people earned the right to complain. I've earned nothing except my own spite for myself.

    I get so nervous and avoidant. It's easier just to forget that any of it exists and just hammer away at my keyboard. Right now I am very aware that I'm 33 and i've seen people die around me. I know that any kind of health problem could happen and I'd be screwed. If I live long enough to see my classmates retire i'll be good as dead if I don't change my life somehow for the better.

    I think about it everyday and I'm sick of myself. I wish I cared more. What eats me up inside is seeing people I knew become successful and marry and do everything that normal people do. I feel great for them. I feel ashamed. I feel like i've let down my family.

    Just wanted to say that without other people that have been through what i've been through I couldn't find any council. I don't trust people who're not somewhat like me. I need an AA meeting kind of thing but for computer geeks that're afraid of the whole entire world. And for that rahul and others like him offer a little comfort that I'm not alone in my self-destructive behaviors.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2010
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