please bare with me as it may be a little long winded. but very important as it could send me two steps back and very suicidal. ok 4 years ago i had a dispute with the board of education i was teaching for. long story short - i had my nana's funeral, my wifes grandmothers funeral, my daughters flu and then i got the flu. so a complaint was made by one of my schools that id been absent long. 4 thursdays same school. ok i could except this appologised etc - then i became ill and was shitting blood - very scary and needed seeing too - they said could i make an appointment at a more convienient time - when the only dr was only mornings on certain days - checked by the board of education. i lost it and told them to screw it im off to the hospital. after this id lost all respect for them and took 2 weeks off with stress on the drs advice. on return they became such bastards. everything turned into a battle. as did i!!! i became part of the war. the guy highest up actual sat me down in a room and said let the war begin. and it did!!! i ended up taking a year off paid on stress leave and didnt leave my bed. i tried to get back to work as i love teaching but it just wasnt there anymore. anyway we moved the following year and i started teaching again - fresh start and all that but the breakdown i had suffered kept giving me flashbacks and mental blocks. i started and quit 4 jobs in the following 3 years for the same reason. all the jobs were great and i no longer had the dirty politics. i thought i could do it as work was very stress free and lots of fun. but i failed again and again. i just froze at my front door or in bed. literaly froze - no reason to freeze either as these jobs were very pleasant and paid well. my wife said it was ok and just leave it all behind and be a house husband - she is a teacher too. but ive just been in bed sleeping now for 4 years. im stable with medication and avoid public places where i have a short fuse. i cant even go shopping as PEOPLE annoy me - its not there fault either i know its all in my head. ANYWAY........ive been given another teaching job from april 12th and im already having my doubts. i want to work, i want to provide, i want to have my life back!!! recently ive been well and playing kendo and losing weight and feeling fit but still sleeping more than usual. maybe the meds maybe my head. my wife says dont do it and i feel i should just for those little extras in life. IM VERY AFRAID!!! i worked with this teacher dispatch company last year for a few months and they were great - i developed diabetes and with my mental health couldnt continue a perfect job. but they want me again. highly qualified and experienced and settled. they know nothing of my mental condition. SO IM VERY AFRAID!!! im feeling the flashbacks already and freezing up before i have even started. i really want to work and get my life back and this is how i can get my life back. what are your opinions? they will be greatly appreciated!!!