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Should I say something?

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Kikuhiko

Cleric of the Moonlight
#1
So I'm very much the kind of person that needs to be alone every now and then, and fortunately I live alone so I don't get to be isolated among a group of people so what's going on right now ain't particularly bad far me save for the fact that some people I care about have contracted the virus, though if I'm honest it doesn't keep me up at night or I guess day would be more accurate since I'm normally up at night.

But anyway I've kept some semblance of social life by being the organiser for an online game that my friends and I agreed to play every weekend, but I kinda have a really bad habit of just randomly disappearing every now and then and I wasn't feeling it this weekend, so I did that and ended up just watching movies & ignoring everything, so I decided to take a look at my messages to see if they were angry at me for just disappearing which again is something I do often, but apparently they were so worried that I had over 40 missed calls and who knows how many messages across all of social media, so I just kinda closed my phone and left it at that since apparently it wasn't just my friend's calling but also my family and now I feel super stupid over having made everyone worry over nothing (At least that's what I'm assuming happened because I haven't actually read any of them I just saw the amount of messages and closed everything and it kinda feels really awkward and stupid to have so many messages over nothing and I kinda have a feeling that my actual response of "I needed to rest from the one time a week I talk with all of you because I'm tired of interacting with people once a week and would prefer to do it 0 times a week" isn't going to be well received but at the same time I don't like to lie and that's the truth so I'm just saying nothing in the meantime.

I kinda wish I could ignore it but 40 calls is quite a lot & 25 were from one person so I feel like I owe them an explanation, besides I have a feeling that if I continue to say nothing someone is going to drive over here, not that anyone would notice since apparently my prescience is so unnoticeable that the neighbours closed my gas valve because I'm assuming they thought my apartment was unoccupied but I wouldn't know, since I sleep during the day I haven't seen any of them in weeks.
 

mfor

Some people belong backstage.
#2
You will need to break that ice eventually. The longer you keep it up, the harder it will be to explain yourself when anyone finally reaches you, and you WILL be reached eventually, either by your own hand, or by others'. At this point, you seriously need to grit your teeth and admit it to them. That you haven't been feeling ok. That you aren't feeling well with people, that you need some alone time. And yes, you will need to apologize to them. But the longer you put it off, the angrier they'll be at you, so you seriously need to face that sooner rather than later.
 

Kikuhiko

Cleric of the Moonlight
#3
You will need to break that ice eventually. The longer you keep it up, the harder it will be to explain yourself when anyone finally reaches you, and you WILL be reached eventually, either by your own hand, or by others'. At this point, you seriously need to grit your teeth and admit it to them. That you haven't been feeling ok. That you aren't feeling well with people, that you need some alone time. And yes, you will need to apologize to them. But the longer you put it off, the angrier they'll be at you, so you seriously need to face that sooner rather than later.
Ah.. Why is dealing with people such a pain?
I'll admit I sometimes miss having no friends because of how nobody would bother me if I decided to disappear for a while, but I guess you're right, I should probably say something by Noon or Afternoon, I don't think they know of my depression so they probably think I got mugged or something since I live in a pretty bad neighbourhood.
 

mfor

Some people belong backstage.
#4
Think of it this way: How'd you feel if one of them disappeared? However angry you would feel about it, would you want them to say something? Or would you tell them 'If you were gonna disappear, you might as well not say anything ever again'?

It'd be the former, wouldn't it? You'd have preferred them to tell you something. It's the same thing here. It's definitely not easy, but you need to face it before it becomes even more difficult.
 

Kikuhiko

Cleric of the Moonlight
#5
Think of it this way: How'd you feel if one of them disappeared? However angry you would feel about it, would you want them to say something? Or would you tell them 'If you were gonna disappear, you might as well not say anything ever again'?

It'd be the former, wouldn't it? You'd have preferred them to tell you something. It's the same thing here. It's definitely not easy, but you need to face it before it becomes even more difficult.
But it was for like 2 days only and everyone knows I have a terrible habit of not answering calls or messages for days at a time, so I think this is people getting overtly worried for no reason, maybe it's that the isolation is getting to them?

Seems plausible.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#6
If someone you talk to regularly was missing for 2 days, I imagine you would also be worried.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
Just shoot back and text and say "sorry for worrying you, I wasn't feeling well" or something and hope they leave it at that. You weren't really feeling great or you would have replied so it's not a lie.
In the future you might hang a sign out on your social media telling people you are planning to be missing for a day or two. "hey guys, logging off here for a day or two, see you friday!"
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
I agree that you should say something sooner rather than later. It's best not to leave them worrying about you, so saying anything, even something as basic as "Hey, i'm fine, sorry" would be enough to ease their anxiety. But i can relate to what you're going through, i've done it by accident to a few different people in the past, although 40 missed calls because you were gone for 2 days seems kinda excessive. Honestly though, whenever i need to get away from people, depending on how honest i feel like being, i either tell them "I'm not feeling well" or "I just had/have a lot on my mind, need some time alone to think about stuff. This is just kinda part of who i am. Hope you can understand and sorry if i worried you", something to that effect anyway. That latter one has the advantage of being honest about things, and helping clarify the reasons for that behaviour, without making it into some agonisingly protracted conversation about boundaries and needing space.

In the end though, as somebody who also goes through that whole "cba dealing with people at all" thing, i can totally understand you needing that space, and i don't think it's something you should feel bad for. Needing alone time is just part of your nature. Some people need the presence of others loads of the time, and nobody makes them feel bad for that, so why should you feel bad for needing distance sometimes? I'm generally of the mindset that if someone can't understand that and roll with it, they're just not the kind of friend i need in my life. Not that i'm saying that's how you should see things, just that that tends to work for me.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
Ultimately i think this just comes down to the fact that you're a more independant person than most. To a lot of people that may seem strange, and there will be folks out there who won't get it, but that doesn't mean there's actually anything wrong with that or with you. Independance can be a really good feature in a lot of ways. So don't let people responding negatively to it make you doubt your right to be who and what you are. *hug10
 

Kikuhiko

Cleric of the Moonlight
#10
I wouldn't say it's independence, I just have more energy if I spend time alone watching movies or reading, so I sometimes have to avoid social events just to have enough battery to be able to get up in the morning (Especially when I'm working, which I'm currently not and is becoming an increasing concern).

But anyway I've spent most of my life in isolation so I find it really hard to understand people, most of the friends I've made throughout my life I haven't seen in years, so no, I personally wouldn't find it worrying if communication with someone stopped even for weeks, it's just the way life is, so I find it greatly exaggerated for everyone to react in that manner, I really didn't think it would be such a big deal but whatever.

In any case I've notified them already though I still find doing that to be very awkward.
 
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