should i shouldnt i

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theplaya, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. theplaya

    theplaya Well-Known Member

    i been feeling different lately.. before i had urges to kill myself but i was sure i wouldnt do it, i jus had the feeling .. but now i dunno why the urges seems to be gettin stronger... i know if i tried it wouldnt be an attempt ...nowadays whenever i see a rope i visualize myself hanging ....... yesterday i saw myself standing in a very dangerous situation on a ledge on the 17th floor of my building starin down and thinking i could and i should i used to be scared of heights too ,i had this peace of mind at that moment its like time stood still ................................could someone plz help me out has anyone felt like this before .. am i going insane???
     
  2. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    hugs to u playa
    please talk to us im sure we can help and i know we will listen
    i have felt like that many times and u are not insane,
    please talk with us playa
    talk soon ok
    hugs and love to u
    sarahg
     
  3. Eveytime I see many cars on a main road going too fast to possibly stop I think of how easy it would be to just throw myself in. Every time I see a sharp knife I imagine what it would be like to--mod edit=method--(saving you the trouble). It would be so easy. And if the urges are stronger than they used to be is anything in your life different now? That's what happens to me when things go wrong and I'm horribly stressed about the problems, the urge becomes greater. In conclusion I can identify with your visualizations. The only way you could be insane is if all this is happening for no real reason at all. But that's usually never the case.
     
  4. theplaya

    theplaya Well-Known Member

    Re: the me that you know

    yes what u say makes sense something has changed in my life that makes me feel different .. but what to do about the change
     
  5. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    Re: the me that you know

    Hey playa,

    If I were talking to one of my buds I'd never ever say the kind of stuff you're saying, but it's exactly how I feel.


    You mention seeing rope and you thinking about hanging yourself...well, I see the same shit! Six years ago when I was in college I went to Canadian Tire and grabbed a 10ft long piece nice nylon rope which I planned on hanging myself with. I remember the guy who sold me the rope asking me all kinds of weird questions but I made up an excuse.

    Needless to say, I never hung myself with it, but I still have that same piece of rope tied up in a perfect noose.

    You say you visualize yourself jumping off a high building, well I see the same shit too! Well, not exactly the same. I'm terrified of heights. When I say terrified I mean terrified, but at one point in my life I wanted to end my life so badly...and in a 'respectable' kind of way so I set about getting my pilots license.

    Eventually, I did get my pilots license and not a single person knows that I'm terrified of heights, nor do they know of my motivation for getting my pilots license. I figured that once I was a pilot I would be respected for having the guts, willpower and know-how that so many people only dream about.

    When it came time for me to do my first solo flight a.k.a. (a great opportunity to dive the plane into the ground and kill myself) I chickened out.

    I guess what I'm saying is that you're not going insane! I appear to be a normal guy on the outside even though I'm a mess....but if I'm not insane then surely you're not either.

    I mean, insane would be acting on your impulses. I would be just as insane as you if I were to crash my plane into the ground and you were to jump off a 17 storey building.

    I guess what I'm saying is that you're not insane! BUT
    you have self destructive thoughts like I do. Don't let you inner 'demons' eat away at you. I mean, I'm 27 and they haven't got me yet. Fight your impulses.

    If you see a rope and you visualize hanging yourself then grab a fucking rope and learn how to tie a monkey's fist. I know it may sound stupid but that kind of shit keeps your mind busy for a little while at least.

    Anyways, like I said; you're probably not crazy. There's a 99% chance you're different from everyone else but you're probably not a looney-toon. If you ever feel like you're losing your mind please send me a PM. Normally, I don't invite people to converse with me outside the forums but I REALLY DO THINK I KNOW PART OF WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE.

    Sincerely,

    Jay
     
  6. theplaya

    theplaya Well-Known Member

    Re: Jay

    im glad u got ur flying license :smile: .. Don't let you inner 'demons' eat away at you thats so true .. im feeling better now that i know der r ppl out there who feels like me i meant that in a good way .
     
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