Should I stay or should I go?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MusicalHeart, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    To stay? Or to go? To keep on keeping on? Or give up? To try to work out my problems? Or to give in? It's a constant struggle.. And all I really want to do is disappear.. I mean, I can't, cuz of my bf an my big brothers (on SF) Frank, moxman, electricalanomaly, TwoWolves80 and Shagarath.. But I want to disappear.., I want my pain to end...
     
    Briezy likes this.
  2. Briezy

    Briezy Well-Known Member

    I feel you. I wish I could offer words of encouragement but these are the same questions I am currently asking myself. Hang in there together we can be strong...I think...
     
  3. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I can be there for everyone else and help everyone else.. But I can't help myself.. It seems terribly ironic and fucked up..
     
  4. Briezy

    Briezy Well-Known Member

    It does indeed. Things are very strange that way. I could give you the psychology behind it but its pretty boring basically we are just pushing aside our burdens and worries and focusing on others so we don't have to think about our own.
     
  5. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    So would that be selflessness or selfishness? Cuz apparently being depressed and suîcîdal and self harming and whatever other shit people say, is selfish., I'm sick of all of it.. Perhaps my time has come to leave the world..
     
  6. Briezy

    Briezy Well-Known Member

    I am sorry I am not more help...
     
  7. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    You're fine. At least you listen.. Like I mean, my bf and my big brothers listen.. But my actual family doesn't.. It's like no one seems to understand..!
     
  8. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    But hey.. Dying isn't that bad.. At least I'm not causing pain to anyone..
     
  9. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. You are not being selfish. I think that you should consider going to child protection to report the abuse.
     
  10. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Nah. Nobody gives a shit about me. They wouldn't even know about the abuse cuz my family acts like I'm talking nonsense and that it never happens.
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  11. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Are there any youth shelters that you could go to?
     
  12. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Not that I know of. And I'd rather not go somewhere where I could just be given back to my family and into hell.
     
  13. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Are you in the US. You can call 211 and ask about social services.
     
  14. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Yes I'm in the US. But I'm too wimpy to call.. Words don't really work with social anxiety..
     
  15. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    What about googling for services?
     
  16. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I can try.. But I have basically lost faith in getting help..
     
  17. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

  18. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I've been trying. How much longer can I make it..? How much longer can I keep holding on..?
     
    Thauoy likes this.
  19. rom

    rom New Member

    My heart aches for you. I understand that your emotional pain is intense right now and I won't pretend to understand what you've been through, but I do care. That list of people in your op must care. Have you considered counseling? I'm praying for you to seek help and get the counsel that you need. I'm praying for you to understand that your life has a purpose beyond this temporary pain. I care and I'm praying for you!
    [​IMG]
     
  20. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I've had one counselor and she didn't work for me. So my mum let me stop going. But since I stopped going she thinks I'm "cured" and says I'm faking now.
     
    Thauoy likes this.