I really cant go on living as a failure at everything and the pain is all too much. I decided that i want to end my life, although i thought i would give it one more chance and that i finally convinced myself that i would go to the doctor and see what he has to say, is he the right person to talk to? i've been thinking about a therapist but i truly can't stand them, i don't know why. I have also taking up smoking, hoping that one day something would happen and it would take me away. It really makes the day worthwhile, after a terrible day at school which is pretty much everyday it really just relaxes you, makes me feel abit better when i get real depressed.