Should I tell my friends? May be triggering.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TeahouseLover, Dec 11, 2012.

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  1. TeahouseLover

    TeahouseLover New Member

    I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place or if I have the right warning in the title.
    I don't know whether or not to tell my friends I have had suicidal thoughts
    I am seventeen and repeating my sixth year, my last year before college. I am repeating in a new school with just one person from my old school. We didn't really know each other in our old school but we have become friends. I have made three friends and we all get along well with each other.
    When I was twelve or thirteen I once had a thought about drowning myself in the bath. I never had a suicidal thought again until this August. I battled with the thoughts until the third week or so in September when I finally wrote down what was bothering me and handed the pages to my family.
    I don't want to lose my friends by telling them about having had suicidal thoughts. There was a study done in my country and it was revealed people wouldn't want suicidal people as their friends. If I do tell my friends, how would I do so? I don't want to take them completely by surprise.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Myself i would not tell anyone about my medical or psychological problems i keep that between me and doctors that is where it should stay If you are having thoughts of harming yourself then it is your family and your doctor who needs only to know so they can get you the appropriate care. Your friends do not have the professional skills to help you and would only feel uncomfortable as to what to say and how to help you
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, Teahouselover. I'm glad you have found SF and reached out, though sorry that you are dealing with suicidal thoughts/feelings. How did your family respond when they found out? Are you seeing a doc/therapist to talk to about things? Maybe a person you see a couple of times a month would help.

    I can't tell you what to do about your friends. Studies look at trends in a defined group. It's hard to predict how individuals we know personally will respond. Different people do react differently to hearing that someone they care about has suicidal ideas/feelings. Some could be scared, and back away. Some might become overprotective. Others might hit the balance of caring and support without being too upset that you have such feelings. Some people might "pretend" not to have understood because they don't know what to do. You know your friends and how they support you on the usual issues (relationships, parents, school). Bear in mind that it is possible to ask for people "to listen and be supportive" without disclosing that you feel suicidal. And you can certainly come here and talk about those specific feelings any time, provided you don't talk methods.

    The definite time to tell someone is if you feel you are going to act on your ideas/feelings. Then tell a friend, your parents, a teacher; go to the hospital; call a crisis line. But at that point, do tell someone. Be safe. :hug:
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    This really all boils down to how close your friends are to you, and you to them. My personal belief is that friends can help one another most of all. For every study that is done, there can be another study to indicate the opposite. I would think it is better to chance losing friends by telling them than it would be to lose friends because you are gone. Again, however, it really boils down to the strength of your friendship relationships.
  5. TeahouseLover

    TeahouseLover New Member

    My family were wonderful when they found out. I decided to tell someone because I was afraid I might do something. I wrote a letter because I knew I wouldn't be able to speak. I put the letter in an envelope, put my oldest sister's name on it and put it through her letter box at 10pm. We live close. She didn't see the envelope until 1 that night. She was so worried that she let herself into our house and woke our dad up. They talked to me after school the next day. My oldest sister and another sister cried. One of my sisters called me an attention seeker but she's the one I have the most problems with and the one who got mentioned a lot in the letter.
    My dad spoke to me one on one and brought me to the doctor. The doctor basically said there was nothing to worry about as lots of people have suicidal thoughts from time to time and I'm able to express myself quite well. I did not like what he said. I was brought to a counsellor who I liked but I only saw him once. My family never brought up the subject about going to him again. I'm a bit scared to ask to go see him again because I don't really like talking about stuff that really affects me.
    I'm worried about how my friends will react partly because of how quickly my family stopped talking about my suicidal thoughts. I haven't known my friends for very long. Only a bit more than three months, except for one friend who I went to primary and secondary school with but she was always a year ahead of me until fifth year and we have only become friends this September. Thanks for the support.
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Tea house, if you feel going to act on thoughts and do self harm then is the time to yell help to parents, crisis line, the professionals, docs at emergency room!!! And keep yelling till you get some real help.. These urges cannot really be helped at one sitting.. Takes some time and talking to a professional.

    Many people here that are feeling the same as time start the topic in the suicide forum if that is what you are feeling..we not going to judge, put down or ignore..just listen and try to help.. Please stay safe!!! Jim
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It all depends on how receptive your friends are to mental illness. I told a friend I cut and he said, "You're not an emo, are ya?" and kind of chuckled...the same person told me I should go to a cancer ward and realize how lucky I have it. Other friends have distanced themselves from me, or gotten mad or given unhelpful advice...and if they leave, how strong was their friendship to begin with? True friends won't leave your side when you need them most. It's good to be able to talk about these things, and at least here, you know you won't be judged or shunned.
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