Should I trust or give up

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Blossomrupa, Sep 18, 2016.

  1. Blossomrupa

    Blossomrupa New Member

    I have been a victim of sex abuse when i was in my grade 2, back then I couldnt tell anyone what was happening with me every night for months together... I started dating a guy when i was 16 and was forced to marry someone else at age 18. Went through three miscarriages in 2 years and an abnormal baby that was terminated at 5.5 months. Then at age 20 i delivered my daughter who is now 12yrs. The first marriage that my parents pushed me into was on the verge of separation after my daughter was born, 8 years o continued taking care of my kid living with my parents but had not officially divorced as its still a taboo in India. Two years after my separation with my ex i got into a a relationship which lasted for 5 years and this guy married someone else as I have a daughter and his parents wont accept .. it was like the end of the world for me but i stayed strong and dint give up as my daughter needs me.
    I met a guy who joined my office a year later and he showed interest and was ready to commit for a long term relationship and it took me no time to say yes to him and plan divorce from ex and marry this guy. All these years my parents were always against my separation and divorce but after i found this guy i took a strong stand and went ahead for divorce wasnt easy for sure. Packed my stuff and left my parenta house with my daughter and got married to this guy. I thinkvone of the biggest reason i didnt think through was the overwhelming pressure from my parents and the same sobbing and fighting on this one topic of divorce where my parents did agree in my support but didnt want to officially let divorce happen
    Now after i married this man ny current husband trust me it wasnt easy for a girl in India to have no family no friends just a 10 year old who depends on her mother for everything to marry someone who was hardly known to me
    And here's where i started to give up and broke me all the more, 7 days of marriage and I see him sexting someone else. . The worst part was he kept denying looking rightin my eyes until i showed him proof ( i fetched the chat history)
    I felt stuck and helpless and my daughter has already seen her mother go through a separation and it had affected her so much that I felt he cared for me like a mother to me which is unusual of a 9 or 10 year ol
    Now after three years of marriage also i still find one thing or the othercthat he will blatantly lie about... it includes things like watching porn , about an ex, smoke etc. What now has been the real issue is that I have always had trust issues and its super tough for me to feel secured and safe in my head. A constant worry insecurity doubt and questions are killing me that lead to fights and now I am expecting my second child ( first one with him) we both tried to work things out and it was a mutual agreement to have a baby and guess what I agian found him chatting intimate chat with one of his so called friend. He denied again and later agreed. Been a trend. I now do not know how to deal with all this. Its killing me more so when my daughter looks at my face and asks me if i am ok. I dont want her to go through the same stress again but i feel trapped and helpless with this man.
    I have always wanted to be in a relationship only for the sake of love not for society not for parents or kids but i am dragging this one for the sake of my daughter i think but i hate doing it.
    Is this normal and something that most of face at sometime or the other or am I right in feeling like this. It gets too much to handle and i feel like killing myself and leaving my daughter to her fate. ( attempted suicide twice when i was 14 and 16) but it only kept me unconscious for few days. Post my daughter I fear killing myself thinking about her. I do want to live and i dont fear living without a man but this guy has made it very clear he wont leave me. I feel trapped
     
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Blossomrupa,

    I'm sorry about your situation. I can't begin to imagine how life is in your culture, but honestly...if it were me, I would have tried to reconcile and make the marriage better too. If he continued to cheat on me, then I would end it, daughter or no daughter, second marriage or not. I'm not in your situation at all, but I went through some years of emotional abuse and I stuck with my boyfriend. I was ready to leave him in the spring if he didn't improve and I guess I'm the lucky one because he is working through his problems and treating me the way I deserve now. So I understand why you are sticking it out, you have a reason. But remember, you only have one life to live and you deserve to be happy. I hope that you can find a way to make yourself happy. I know that many people stay together "for the kids", maybe it's because I don't have children that I can't imagine why anyone would do that. In order to make your child happy, you have to be happy first right?
     
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  3. Blossomrupa

    Blossomrupa New Member

    Thankyou for reading it Frances, i completely agree daughter or no daughter first marriage or any number it doesnt matter but it feels like a trap when you want to and know whats right but stop for one reason or another. I dont know if I need a doctor or am perfectly able to deal with this situation with a sane mind.
     
  4. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I don't think you have anything to lose by seeing a doctor. You can take or leave his/her advice as you see fit. Maybe a little more support will help you make the choices you need to make?
     
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Blossomrupa, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and I believe in your culture divorce is much more frowned upon than here in the west. It's very difficult if not impossible to live with a pathological liar. I went through this for a few years with my second wife( my first wife died of cancer) she could look you in the eye and lie without any problem, even when confronted with evidence of her infidelity, she would still proclaim her innocence and even try to turn it around that I was the one who was being unfaithful. I lived in hell for several years until I eventually got a divorce, luckily she ran off with her boyfriend. But it almost took me to the point of bankruptcy, never mind what it did to my emotional and physical health. I hope you can get out of this relationship and find a good man, they're not all like that, there are still some good and honourable men left. Take care of yourself and daughter.
    Brian
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2016
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