Should I wait for him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jessikah2k8, May 30, 2009.

  1. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    OK, so this guy, he's helped me through so much. Through the really bad break up of my abusive relationship, he broke the friendship up with my ex boyfriend, hasn't spoken to him since, and has been an ear for me to give off to. He's very reassuring, we're very common and he told me he liked me last year, around eight months ago.

    This was only two months after my break up, so I wasn't ready for a relationship.. and I said no. The month after that, he was with a girl, who seemed lovely but jealousy took over. I didn't say anything to him about the fact I liked him because I hate ruining relationships, but he still found himself declaring his love for me.. not as much as before, but just telling me how I looked pretty in my pictures, and random chats. However, in the middle of his relationship, I developed one of my own, Warren, who was a lovely lad.

    Warren was my own age (16), really nice and respected me. I, however, with my feelings still raw for the other guy, did a very stupid thing, and kissed him while I was with Warren. See, this guy broke up with his girlfriend while I was seeing Warren, and he started saying how much he liked me again but I had no intentions in dumping Warren for him. A few weeks later, he met a new girl, and I was happy because, we both had someone. Not for long though, as Warren dumped me due to a "change of feelings". I didn't fight back much, cried a little and got over it. Warren found out about me cheating.. but didn't seem particuarly bothered. The unlucky thing was, this happened two days after he got together with the other girl. Now he's kicking himself because he "loves us both".

    His new girlfriend, I don't like, unlike the other one. She seems to have something against me because she hates me talking to him as a friend. She acts incredibly immature and has had this guy in tears to me, because she goes on and on about other guys being hot to him. He is constantly complaining he is unhappy and yet he loves her. However, there's another side. He keeps saying how he hates that it never works out for us. He seems to think he's not good enough for me, but that's not true - there's just never been "a time" for us. He keeps telling me how much prettier I am than his girlfriend, how much of a nicer person I am and how much we have in common, that I'm his "dream girl". I really love this guy, he has built up my confidence, gave me the willpower to go off and do a modelling shoot and has pulled me out of depression, but I'm scared he's doing the opposite and pulling me back in.

    I'm an attractive girl, and I can admit it. I'm thin, have nice features and a good, caring personality. I get lots of attention, and the past two weeks I've turned down five people to start relationships with - despite these were nice, decent people. Why did I do this? Because I'm scared now that if I accept another person, his relationship will end and we're stuck in the situation again. He keeps telling me how if they break up, he will make it up to me for being so "patient".

    He's the only person I want a relationship with, and yet I just want another chance with anybody right now.. but I'm so scared of missing another chance if he breaks up with her. It's the only person since the abusive relationship, where my feelings have been absolutely genuine.

    I really don't know.. should I stick around and wait for him or not? I'm so confused..:blink:
  2. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Look at that sentence on its own. Operative word is "IF", not when.

    I used to work for an organisation called the samaritans, and the amount of people in your exact situation would astound you. One person falls in love and waits for the other, the other makes excuses like "its the kids" or "its my wife, she's violent" or "I like the financial security". At the end of the day, it comes down to one thing, if someone wants to be with someone else badly enough, they will be, irrespective of circumstance.

    Let me ask you something. Do you honestly think you deserve to be strung along waiting for this guy to break up with this girl? Aren't you worth more than that, seriously?

    Yes, I know he's helped you, and yes, I know you think you love him, but to be honest, there's a point where you have to make a choice. You can choose to be miserable and confused, waiting for this guy to get his head out of his arse. Or, you can choose to go and meet someone better, someone who isn't going to piss you about or play games.

    End of the day, its your choice, but if I were in your shoes, I know which path I'd take.
  3. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I hate to say it but... hes just not that into you...