i dont know what to do. im feeling realy suicidal at the moment. everything around me is just fucking up. Im failing my college course cos i just dont have the mental energy to do my work. But no one understands and everyone thinks im just being lazzy. Iv had depression since i was 11 (im 19 now) and it just isnt going away. Im so evil and horrible to people around me even though i try to be nice. All i do is cause problems for everyone, infact thats the only thing that i do well,lol. Everyone expects me to do well and go to a good university but i fucked all that up. I have nothing going for me in this life. i have tried to o/d befor but i lived (obviously) and just had stomach pains for a couple of days, infact my mother made me go to school the next day. No one likes me and to be honest i dont blame them. i just cant stop hurting people even when i dont mean to. Last night i got a phone call from a girl threatening me. i havent done anything to this girl. people just hate me even when i dont say a word. i dont know what to do about it. im realy scared. i had panics attaks over it last night. i dont see who i cant stop people hateing me, iv tried everything to change. I know this is all very self pitying and that crap but i dont care cos thats how im feeling. I want to die, i dont see how i can fix my life.