should i?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by melia, Apr 13, 2008.

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  1. melia

    melia Member

    i dont know what to do. im feeling realy suicidal at the moment. everything around me is just fucking up.
    Im failing my college course cos i just dont have the mental energy to do my work. But no one understands and everyone thinks im just being lazzy. Iv had depression since i was 11 (im 19 now) and it just isnt going away. Im so evil and horrible to people around me even though i try to be nice. All i do is cause problems for everyone, infact thats the only thing that i do well,lol. Everyone expects me to do well and go to a good university but i fucked all that up. I have nothing going for me in this life. i have tried to o/d befor but i lived (obviously) and just had stomach pains for a couple of days, infact my mother made me go to school the next day. No one likes me and to be honest i dont blame them. i just cant stop hurting people even when i dont mean to. Last night i got a phone call from a girl threatening me. i havent done anything to this girl. people just hate me even when i dont say a word. i dont know what to do about it. im realy scared. i had panics attaks over it last night. i dont see who i cant stop people hateing me, iv tried everything to change.
    I know this is all very self pitying and that crap but i dont care cos thats how im feeling. I want to die, i dont see how i can fix my life.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Melia, it is so difficult to suceed when one is feeling down...is there someone you can talk to? I find that when I am in the throws of one of my 'moods', I am a beast to ppl around me...thank goodness some ppl understand that it is not directed towards them...please continue to share and I am sure ppl will understand...big hugs, J
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Maybe you can talk to some of your college teachers and see if they can give you an extension. If you explain to them that their are extenuationg circumstances concerning your mental health they may be willing to work with you. It depends on the prof though. depression has a way of making everything more difficult and extremely challenging. do what you can to eke by for now and then work on feeling better when the extra stress is not there. Feel free to post here and gain support. :hug:
     
  4. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    That's gotta be the dumbest thing I've read in a while. Exactly when is the stress not there? Especially when you're just eking by?

    Failing at college sets you up for failing to pay off your student loans because you'll fail to get a worthwhile job because you couldn't even handle life at college. Sorry, but it's not okay.
     
  5. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Just because you're not an academic or social success doesn't mean you can't have a long and pointless life. I started in your situation. I'm now twice your age. My suicide now will just make a bigger mess, since I have a wife & kids to screw up. So either you go through life sucking it up over and over, or you decide to cut your losses at some point.
     
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