Should I?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Sardaukar, Nov 8, 2011.

  1. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    well, the unthinkable has happened, i have been presented with an opportunity to have a casual sexual encounter, however, this encounter is with a guy -_-, and Im not sure if i want to try it, but it might be the only chance I ever get. I dont love this person, and i feel that losing my virginity to someone I dont love would be a shame, but Im so lonely and desperate, what should I do? I might not be able to live with the shame if I do it, but if i pass it up i might die a virgin, something i really dont want. Help me, please I cant decide.
     
  2. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    You're another guy correct?

    Personally I'd say don't go for it, however at the end of the day it's your own choice. You posting on this forum and asking on advice for it shows that you have doubts which even further reinforces my instinct that you shouldn't go through it.

    What does you gut tell you?

    If you do hook up with this guy make sure you use protection for intercourse. You don't really need one for oral but for full on sex it's best to be safe. If your honest and upfront about things it could turn out okay but given a few factors such as you has you being a virgin and im guessing want more then just a casual hookup it could likely make you feel worse in the long run.

    Im not here to pass judgment I've done the causal hookup thing in the past, you never really know for sure unless you do it and even then it could take years to see how it effected you long term. Just like the movie the butterfly effect past choices can make a big influence on the present.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 8, 2011
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I kinda went through something similar recently where there was a guy who seemed more than willing to sleep with me, but less than thrilled for anything more. As a virgin myself, it was a bigger deal than it would have been for someone who had already done it before, and it was the fear of getting older and older and still being a virgin that made me most want to do it.

    I can't really say that you should or shouldn't do it, cause I know the pros and cons for each side and it's tough to make a decision, especially since it could have such a colossal impact on your life - you never get your virginity back. You gotta imagine the worst case scenario for each side and ask yourself if you could live with that. Example; "Say I turn it down and I never find another partner and end up getting older and older and still remaining a virgin.. can I handle that?" or "Imagine I do it and instantly regret it, feel ashamed, humiliated and dirty.. can I live the rest of my life knowing what I did and never getting back my virginity to give it to somebody more worthy?"

    I know it's impossible to tell how you'll feel after the fact, but you need to ask yourself which path would be harder for you to deal with, if it were to happen.
     
  4. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    i know what you mean, but im so hideous and broken that no one will ever want me, this is my only chance i know it, i cant wait for something that isnt out there.
     
  5. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    I think you should shake off that, "If I don't have sex now, then I never will," mentality. It's wrong. There will be plenty of opportunities to have sex later. If your virginity actually means a lot to you, then save it. It's all your decision.

    What's your orientation? If you're not even bi-curious, then I'd say don't even go through it it.
     
  6. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    If you're not gay, then you shouldn't do it… especially if it's someone you met online and they're having lots of casual encounters. I can understand the curiosity aspect of it all, because I was there myself, but ultimately it won't be as good if there's no emotional connection there… you should genuinely care about them and they should care about you as well.

    You should also really make sure that you trust the person and know them very well before you go through with it… and if there's any part of you that isn't sure then you should forget about it. Even if you get to the point where you meet the person and tell yourself 'well, he/she doesn't seem so bad', it's not worth risking your health over it… nothing feels worse than making a trip to the hospital/worrying about having contracted something.

    Seriously, it's so easy to tell yourself in advance that you'll only go so far or that you'll make sure of this and this, but if you're out drinking or you're in the heat of the moment your brain will change and you might end up doing something that you wouldn't have done if you were thinking more clearly.

    Focus on building solid relationships and really working on them until they're worthwhile, THEN get to the other stuff. You'll feel better if you do.
     
  7. lord.nigel

    lord.nigel Well-Known Member

    Welllll I have mixed feelings on this....

    I know i've told u on msn to do it....mainly because I think the curosity will always make you wonder and it could lead to something bigger and better :)

    on the downside, I was the same as you and did it with someone I was not into at all. my first time was with a transvestite and I'm so turned off thinking back....

    I completely rewrote it in my own mind and kept my second lover, as my **first**, since its the first time it meant someone and it was the first guy i was attracted too.

    completely up to u what u decide to do :)
     
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Weigh the pros and cons for you and your feelings about sharing a sexual experience, not for a scorecard of having had experience.

    It boils down to how you feel about "casual" in general. Does having sex just involve going through the physical motions, or does having sex also involve emotions and attachments for you?

    :hug: (friendly ;) )
     
  9. Mr. E

    Mr. E Well-Known Member

    If you're ambivalent about the encounter and emotionally vulnerable, I don't think it's a good idea to go through with it, especially if you equivocate emotional intimacy with physical intimacy. If you're exploring your sexuality, that's cool, but I'd caution you to pace yourself and not rush into anything you aren't prepared to do. And of course, be safe.
     
  10. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Are you very attracted to him sexually?
    Is he a nice person?

    "nice" = the aspects of a strong character- kindness, empathy etc.
     
  11. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    ummm im not sure, i mean hes willing to talk to me which more than most people,and he isnt completely repulsed by the idea of being with me, so im still thinking about it. I am painfull alone though :(
     
  12. BK_Jetsfan

    BK_Jetsfan Well-Known Member

    If you are a guy, and if you are not gay, and if you simply want a sexual experience AND to feel special/wanted/etc., why not simply get a prostitute? Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, especially if you feel the way you do.
     
  13. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    i would feel ashamed paying for it, i guess, and im not sure what sexuality i am anymore :/ i guess i just want to see what happens
     
  14. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Before I had sex, I used to lay in bed and just think about what it would feel like, how I would feel ect and had all these thoughts of going to my nightclub and begging for it, because I just had to know.. I felt ashamed but it was just one of those things..

    In the end I waited and I had my virginity stolen from me.. I wanted to wait for the right guy, but sadly had sex many times before I did. Even though it wasn't my choice.. I still felt so ashamed and by the time I found my bf I felt used and horrible. I had nothing special to give.

    In my opinion, I would wait and find the person you want to spend a long time with. It's something worth waiting for, and not worth doing "for the sake of doing it". I can totally relate to your feelings, however you must understand that something will happen and you will meet that someone. Please don't just throw it away.

    Don't rush away your choice :hug: xx
     
  15. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    maybe.... maybe you are right, but i really cant wait any longer
     
  16. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    ok well im going to meet him tomorrow, will go out for a few drinks first and we shall see
     
  17. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Hope it went ok hun. Let us know what happened.

    I hope you chose what you wanted :hug: xx
     
  18. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    I did it, i am no longer a virgin, but its... strange. I feel like a part of me is gone now, Im not the same person anymore, my innocence is gone. Also um, some of that was very, very strange, I was surprised 0_0

    I feel that it was the right decision, gonna do it again next weekend
     
  19. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Im glad your happy with your choice. And it takes time to see what things you enjoy or not :p

    :hug: xx