should you still "come out" if you stoped

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by 0521, Jul 17, 2007.

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  1. 0521

    0521 New Member

    im a 19 year old guy. i started cutting around august of last year but stoped in december after i cut myself real deep one night and left a huge scar. i guess it scared me. i am very embarrassed and ashamed of myself for cutting. sometimes i still want to cut but i know cant cuz i want to go into the military.

    anyway, i met this girl over the internet about a year ago. we have gotten very close. were just friends but im closer to her then iv been with anybody else. she helped me out alot when i was really depressed all the time. i still am depressed sometimes but shes still there. she is very important to me. we live pretty far away from each other but now were talking about flying to see each other and even maybe living together.

    my problem is this: on one hand i feel like i owe it to her to tell her about my cutting before she makes any kind of commitment to spend a decent amount of money to see me or to live with me. i think she should know so she can decide if she really wants to have a close friendship with me. on the other hand i feel like, why rock the boat? what she dosent know wont hurt her or me. right? i would be sad if i lost her but it would be even worse if she found out by accident or something later and it was a huge deal. im not sure what to do. im hoping someone can tell me what the right choice is or maybe im over thinking it. any advice would be appreciated.

    i hope your understanding what im trying to say. im not good at writing and stuff like that. i think its alright but let me know if there is something i need to clarify.
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    if it's history of yours, good or bad, she'd want to know. i know i would.
    think of it from her side. and actually, what if it leads her to tell you something she wouldn't have otherwise?

    i've been clean for a while (though i wrecked a streak tonight) and have felt comfortable talking with certain folk about it and it's opened new arenas of subjects to talk about with people i thought would have no way to relate.

    either way, (*in any case, rather,) you should tell her about it. she may ask you things either immediately or later on. be prepared for that. about what you did and reasons behind it or if you have lately. telling people suddenly brings up an accountability. it's not really something i like to tell others because i always feel that they'll think less of me but when i decide to not be so proud, things happen.

    good things.

    - Henry
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    How do you think she'd take it? Considering she's been so supportive and you get on like a house on fire hopefully she wouldn't take to the self harm badly. Do you have many scars? I'm thinking if you only have a few you could lie to her about them but lying about something such as self harm isn't really good in a relationship. Self harm is quite a big thing I reckon. If she loves and cares for you as it seems she does then telling her the truth about your small past of self harm may be good and could even strengthen your relationship, because self harm isn't an easy subject to approach and hopefully she'll think more of you for confiding in her about it.

    Anyway, my opinion is if you get along well and she cares for you, she won't think any less of you for telling her. However, you know her better than me and ultimately the decision is yours. Good luck with everything.
  4. Ashes

    Ashes Member

    i think if she cared less about you because you cut, it wouldnt be worth your trouble to date her. when you love someone you love them for who they are, and cutting is a huge part of who you are.but as you said, you stopped. its your decision, not your responsibility to tell her. but maybe you should wait a while, if you think she might lose you just caus eyou hurt yourself.
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I think you should tell her. I mean if she's knows you suffer from depression, I'm sure she'll understand. Plus if she genuinely likes you, it wont matter.
  6. 0521

    0521 New Member

    thank you for your responses, i appreciate them very much.

    most of my scars are on my chest. i have some on my thigh but there small and lighter so there hard to see. plus my legs are kinda hairy. i never cut anywhere i knew i couldnt hide easily with clothes. the ones on my chest are very visible. when i took my military physical, the doctor immediately knew what the scars were from when he saw them. i was hoping i could hide or lie about them.

    were not going to date or anything, shes 7 years older then me. i think of her more as an older sister. i dont think it would be too hard to hide them from her but like i said i feel like i owe it to her.
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Are you SURE there is no chance of you dating each other? I mean, i wouldn't move out of my home to another city, state, country just to say "hi".

    Either way, I think telling her is a good idea. At some point, she will probably see your chest anyway. Just be sure before you tell her that you make it known that you are about to confide in her. Since this is so far in your past, she will probably react well.
  8. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    She would probably find out sooner or later. If you hid if from her and she found out then that could be a mess leading to her not trusting you. She deserves to know what she’s getting into. I would just really explain it to her. Like that you have stopped and why you did it in the first place and such.
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