Should've never even been born

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DatAlgorithm, Sep 22, 2016.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    My life is fucking ruined because of my body acne and the scars leftover. My dumbass father (who passed his acne onto me) couldn'tve just had my older brother and been happy to have ONE child, but no, everyone else in his family had more than one child, he had to to or else OH NOEZ he would've never fit in! How come when it comes to "being grateful" it suddenly ends with having children... no matter HOW overpopulated this planet gets (and already is) oh, go ahead and have more than one child! Even 10 isn't enough and damn near every religion agrees! My DREAM, the only reason I even bother with this piece of shit life, to be an actor, is RUINED because of my body acne and the scars from it (whether I pop the pimples or not... it doesn't matter) and my self esteem (whatever little bit I ever even had) is GONE. I've tried EVERYTHING from the inside out short of accutane (and with the side effects of that, I may as WELL be dead) and NOTHING works of course. I can't win. Ever. I'm mortified to death to even go shirtless. It looks awful. The thought of even talking to women is non-existent in my mind and the only positive thing I can say is that at least I REFUSE to have children because I don't want them to suffer from body acne too (especially if they're boys... this world is especially cruel to males.) I've already made up my mind that I WILL end my own life and I HATE that my moronic parents brought me into this world. I'm a goddamn c-section baby; I should've just died in the womb because that's what mother nature intended me to do.
    It will take A FUCKING MIRACLE, I'm talking winning the lottery while Alison Stokke says "yes" to my wedding proposal proportions here, for me to not kill myself. However, acting is ALL I live for. Take that away, and I have NOTHING! Do you understand!? NOTHING! I wouldn't even make it as an Alex Payne character or Chris Smith or David Lynch documentary subject. I was screwed from the get-go in life... so why not end it? As Doug Stanhope said "life is like a movie... if you've been through about half of it and every second has sucked so far it's probably not gonna get great for you in the second half and make it up to you so nobody should make you feel bad about walking out." So, if anyone is gonna ask "what can I do to help you?" How about finding the cure for my acne for one, or meeting up with me in LA so I can have some bucket-list shenanigans before I die and finally get rid of this curse of a life I never wanted in the first place. I mean, hey, if you're gonna ask...

    Kinda hope this doesn't get deleted, but if it does, I'm not mad and I understand... I keep it way too real sometimes.

    "I've learned what doesn't kill you might kill someone else so be careful to say some have it worse." - Unknown
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Okay - in the interests, then, of "keeping it real". Dave you have been furious about all of the above for the past five years I have known you. I am not going to ask what I can do to help you because the only person that can help you is you. You are not a kid anymore and you don't get to keep holding your dad responsible for everything that is wrong in your life. If the only thing that the man did wrong is participating in your conception, then he is miles ahead of most parents.

    I am sorry that you have acne and that it causes you so much pain - but there are literally dozens of Hollywood stars who suffer from acne so it is not "the reason" that you are not an actor. As I recall it you wanted to be a singer but your voice was not good enough so an actor was the next best thing. I taught high school drama (among other things) and you can be assured that DOZENS of kids in every year were absolutely adamant that the ONLY thing they wanted out of life was to act and their lives would be RUINED if that could not happen. Unfortunately for them, and for you, the number of people who actually become actors is tiny. I understand how, as a child, it might seem that it is reasonable to declare a life 'ruined' over the inability to realise a particular dream, but you are not a child anymore. You can't be an actor - okay - that sucks. I can't be a teacher anymore - that sucks too. People can't be 'what they wanted to be' every single day but because that is how life works for 99% of the population, they accept it and deal with it and focus on a new direction.

    You need to change your attitude, change your focus and change your life Dave. Nobody can do it but you. It is not your parents' fault "for having you" that you do not like your life and you want to die. If you persist in focusing on what you can't have then you will always be angry and you will always be here. You need to do the grown up thing and formulate some new dreams. I am not saying this because I am a horrible person - but because you have made it clear that you have no time for sympathy and the kind of help where people say comforting things and are not 'real' with you. So I am being "real".

    No life is NOT a movie so enough of the trite crap about the first half being crap so walk out of the second half. The key difference between life and a movie is that the rest of the movie has already been decided - the rest of your life is decided by you - by the attitude you take to it and whether you choose to continue to focus on blaming other people and what you have decided you can't have and can't live without.

    I would strongly advise that you seek out some cognitive behavioural therapy specifically focussed on anger issues and how to stop focussing solely on the fact that you can't be an actor. If that is the "Only" thing that would make your life worth living then that is something that needs some real therapy because you are struggling to deal with something that billions of people are dealing with every day - that signifies that there is a problem, psychologically, and that needs to be dealt with.

    I am not going to delete your post unless you are rude to people or violate the rules of the site - those are the only posts of yours that have been deleted.

    I hope that you seek the help you need to adjust your mindset.
    Frances M likes this.
  3. Seriously, you want to die due to some pimple problems? Not to be rude or cause any offense, but we even have people surviving even after acid attacks, where their entire face gets ruined. There are many cosmetics that help get rid of pimples. If you really have talent, passion, and the energy required for acting, not even a broken arm can stop you. But if you don't, if you give up on your life and come to suicide forums, then you won't. Acting is much more than having a good face and saying a few lines. There is always a solution if you try hard enough.
  4. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    Maybe try not to blame your parents for having you, instead blame your grandparents for having them? Of course really it's Adam & Eve's fault but they were tricked by the snake and in all probablity God put him up to it in the first place.
    WALLY GASKIN and moxman like this.
  5. ponkotsu

    ponkotsu Well-Known Member

    I have body hatred issues too, although for different reasons. It helps me to focus on the things my body can do as apposed to how awful it looks. I'm able to run, jump, use all my limbs, and live every day with limited amounts of physical pain. It sounds hokey and very sunshine-and-roses, but the physical capabilities of our bodies are also important to our survival and quality of life. Raging about the things we believe we were cheated out of is an important part of growing up, but we eventually move on or else it consumes your entire life more than it has to.

    I live with someone who lives every day with epilepsy and chronic pain. I envy her for her body and the borderline, crazy parts of me wish I was her, but it puts in perspective how fortunate I am to have a body that "functions" appropriately when so many things can go wrong. I like watching documentaries about birth defects and genetic conditons mostly because it's interesting to me but also because they can portray the scope of what can go wrong in a human body, inside and out. I hate the way my body looks, and we're both entitled to that opinion, but I've been able to graduate from want-to-tear-my-face-off body hatred to a begrudging acceptance. Who knows what'll be next.
  6. HangMyHeart

    HangMyHeart Member

    If by 'cruel' you mean 'catering to your every whim'. But what else could I expect a male to say. Your entire post has an air of entitlement to it, really.
  7. toddthemetalgod

    toddthemetalgod SF Supporter

    From my experiences thus far with life, the amount of people who have even some things in their life turn out as they wanted is statistically small. A lot of the time you just have to take what life gives you and try to make the best of it. There's no point in killing yourself because of things that are out of your control (like acne or not getting an acting job).

    I'm not great with women either. I used to get the attention of some attractive girls in high school, but my social inability made it difficult to keep them interested in me. Now in college, I'm not as lucky and don't even get a chance. LOL. I constantly feel like I sabotaged myself by blowing all of my chances, it's a pretty soul crushing feeling.

    I think what he means is that women more frequently confide in each other and are generally supported when they're sad. Men being emotional is usually viewed as weak and people feel awkward talking to men about depression. Of course this is just a stereotypical view, I wouldn't say either gender has it easier when suffering from depression.
  8. trivial

    trivial New Member

    I'll swap my life for your skin.
    There's many, many times I have wished the same thing....that I wasn't born. But I curse the Dr who saved my life - if only he wasn't good enough at his job or if he had of stuffed around longer, I wouldn't be suffering now. But he was just doing his job....even if he had a crystal ball, he wouldn't have done anything different.

    A lot of actors/actresses don't have perfect skin and many have acne scars. But they have fantastic make-up that can cover pretty much anything. The acne won't hold you back from being the actor you dream of becoming!
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