Shouting

[Bermy]

That's what they're doing. The voices in my head, they're shouting at me. Telling me to give up. Usually wouldn't listen. Lately, seems like a good idea. They'll stop yelling at me every second of every day, and it stops the other torment that fate deigns to bring my way.

I don't want to die, but at the same time, I do. Perhaps I do a little bit more than I don't. Perhaps quite a bit more. But the fight is gone. They've drained me. Easy way out now feels like the best way.
I dunno. All a big cliché. What I do know is that I can't go much longer.

 

[WildCherry]

Do you know why the voices are telling you to give up?

 

[Bermy]

They say they're ashamed that only I can hear them, they said they'd rather just destroy themselves than stay invisible to everyone else.:sad:

 

[Caster]

If you haven't already, please see and tell your doctor about this and the voices. Do not give in to the voices telling you to end it. You're stronger. Stay and fight. I wish you the best....continue to post and talk to us.

 

[Bermy]

I'm housebound, there isn't a doctor I can go to. Not that i'd want to; they're bigoted towards me and take nobody seriously.

 

[WildCherry]

Have you ever been to a doctor to be diagnosed at all?

Do the voices have names, or personalities, or are they just voices?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to figure out what you're having to deal with and how we could help.

 

[Bermy]

Have been several times, they never diagnosed anything, just gave some antidepressants.
Some voices are just voices, some have names and proper identities, and two of those come out and take over, make me do things that I have no memory of.
The named ones are worst. They won't go away.

 

[WildCherry]

What sorts of things do they make you do? I mean, do they hurt you in any way, or are they just trying to be heard?

Nobody but a professional can diagnose you. But if there are voices that have names, something that might help is for them to find a way to be heard, even if it's just through writing.

 

[LoveBeing]

Dear Bermy,

Not only that you are equal to all “natural women”, but also that we are all equal as human beings…

Our life experiences cannot define who we are. Who we truly are is beyond who we think we are. We can free ourselves from the prison of our mind. When we free ourselves from the prison of the mind, we also go beyond what others think of us - what others think of us would not matter (that much) any more…

Here are 2 video clips and a book that may be helpful:

Escape the Prison of Your Own Mind - Eckhart Tolle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TrdLi6MSlg&feature=related

Eckhart Tolle - 'Silence and Stillness'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VY2vvzhuMws&feature=related

Here is a link to free download of the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, which talks a lot about our identity and the voices in the head (the paper book is available in most book stores around the world):

http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Power-Of-Now-EckhartTolle.pdf

On page 8 of the downloaded book, Eckhart talked about his own suicidal thoughts/experience. Below is quoted from this:

"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. `Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the `I' and the `self' that `I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real."

And on page 16, it talks about:

Freeing yourself from your mind
What exactly do you mean by "watching the thinker"?

When someone goes to the doctor and says, "I hear a voice in my head," he or she will most likely be sent to a psychiatrist. The fact is that, in a very similar way, virtually everyone hears a voice, or several voices, in their head all the time: the involuntary thought processes that you don't realize you have the power to stop. Continuous monologues or dialogues.

…

You can go through this, Bermy - you do have what it takes to go through this…to free yourself…imagine that!!

With loving wishes…

 

[Bermy]

One of them, he tries to help but he keeps hallucinating and he's kinda weak. The other, she's hateful and horrible. She hurts my body, hurts my family, breaks my stuff and impersonates me, and I have to try and explain it not being my fault but nobody believes me. :sad:

LoveBeing, thanks i'll read that. <3

 

[WildCherry]

Just so you know, I believe you. I know people who have been through something similar. Has she ever explained why she hates you and tries to hurt you? Is she angry about something specific, or just angry in general?

 

[Bermy]

Apparently she says I fail and deserve her anger and hate. I guess she's right.

 

[WildCherry]

No, she's not right. Just because she says it, doesn't make it true.

 

[Bermy]

Maybe, I just dunno what's what anymore, what's true and what's real.

But thanks. Am not so good at explaining self, or talking at all. Do appreciate. <3 :hug:
Decided to get some sleep and think things over tomorrow before I get tempted again to make hasty decisions.:sleep:

 

[WildCherry]

You did fine at explaining things. Hope you can get some rest!

 

[LoveBeing]

Apparently she says I fail and deserve her anger and hate. I guess she's right.

Dear Bermy,

Nobody deserves anger or hate, especially not you…that just shows how wrong or unreasonable or unreal she is. Is it possible for you to be aware of this and ignore her when her voice appears again?

What’s true and what’s real is that which you know by your heart is true and real, not the voices in the mind… Your heart is telling you that you do not want to die. You are innocent, kind, loving… Please believe yourself even if nobody else believes you…

Yes, your explanations are very helpful…

Please be gentle and kind to yourself. Love and accept yourself unconditionally. Please do not hurt yourself…

With lots of love and hugs :hug: