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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by tls5669, May 10, 2009.

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  1. tls5669

    tls5669 Active Member

    Im so fat and ugly, I just consider myself an ogre hence the title of this thread. When I get depressed (which is every fucking day) I eat, which is a double whammy. Was thinking on going the lap band route, it might make me skinny, but wont improve my looks.
  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    A lot of people think that about themselves, it's rarely true. :hug:
    Sounds like you're having problems with your self esteem.
    Have you thought about the underlying issues that are making you feel this way?
  3. tls5669

    tls5669 Active Member

    Underlying issues? Like what? The depression ive had for 40 fucking years.

    Letting everyone down. Being a smudge, and a burden to my family and society. Unhappiness, pressure to keep others around me happy so I wont drag them down to my world. Loneliness, anguish, hopelessness, not loving myself. Feeling pathetic, cant win for losing. Rotten, stupid. No confidence in myself. Overly sensitive, and emotional (like crying myself to sleep, and Im a guy for Christ sakes, how sissified is that?) Afraid to get hurt, because if that happens to me again, I will end my suffering. Having a hard time dealing with the realization that Im destined to die unhappy and alone. Anxiety attacks.

    I guess my main issue would be loneliness.

    When I was 16-17 I was pretty depressed back then, but I held on to hope that things would get better, they never did. I told myself "Tony your gonna have a good life at 40, and be married with a couple kids."

    But you know what? I let that kid down, and he blames me for it.

    My hopes and aspirations have been in front of my face for years, but they're always out of reach. I dont look forward to a unhappy tomorrow, or dwell in a hurtful past. I just trudge on day by day. There is no light at the end of my tunnel.

    I dont care about myself anymore, and quit taking care of myself, except only when necessary. Im an intelligent person with an above average IQ but I never applied myself, I just didnt care, and that carries over to today.

    A shrink told me once to take two sheets of paper, on one list my positive aspects, on the other my negative. I couldnt put one line on the positive sheet.

    I shamelessly stole this next sentence from another poster, to that person Im sorry. But I thought it fit my life well. I always wanted to find someone special, be a dad etc. but now..... I will never find anyone, it wont happen..... and even if I did..... I would be a cruel bastard to bring a kid into this world. It all just seems to futile.

    Wow Im pretty fucked up, huh?
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2009
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    There's nothing wrong with guys crying. Definitely not sissified. There was a guy that I dated a while ago who wouldn't cry because he swore it made him a weaker person, and I never got that. Crying is just a way to show emotion, a normal reaction to sadness. There's nothing wrong with it, although it took me a long time to realize that because my dad tried to teach me and my sisters that it was wrong.

    Don't give up on finding someone. I know when you don't have anyone, sometimes it seems like you'll never find the right person (I've thought that more than once myself). But there's always hope that you'll find someone who makes you happy. You've got good qualities, ones that you may not even see in yourself.
  5. SNX-Inutock

    SNX-Inutock Member

    Heh its not stealing if you acknowledge it being posted by someone else (yep, me! no need to be sorry :wink:), but yeah....... Its generally an unending cycle of fail. The older you get, the higher the odds are of you becoming just too damaged to make anything real of your life and at that point its all just either praying for a miracle or hoping to run into the path of an errant bullet.

    Even at 24 (but nearing 25) I am begining to suspect that any hope I had of making anything of value out of myself has already since been lost, and at best, I will end up in a dead-end marriage with some girl who is feeling desperate to get married after repeated failed relationships with the so-called bad boy type only to get cheated on by her + bad boy type, get divorced and end up paying child support on 2 kids that as it turns out may not even be mine. Yeah. I *might* be able to fight that stereotype, but the laws of probability state that that is my best, best case scenario.

    Ugh I hate me :sad:
  6. tls5669

    tls5669 Active Member

    Your right about the age thing, but you shouldnt feel so bad at 25, hell im 40
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