Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ailsa-Jayne, May 24, 2012.

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  1. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    So today, I get to go and pay yet another lovely visit to a doctor who for years has promised to make me feel better and yet my life has only gotten worse. I hate these days, I mark it on the calendar (otherwise I know for sure I would not remember the time and date and that would mean having to call someone and ask which would cause yet another anxiety attack) and then it's there staring me in the face. The days leading up to 'the day' are okay but once the actual day arrives every second of every minute of every hour I just clock watch.
    I guess my point is I keep turning up to see this doctor and the others and I take my medication and follow their advice and it has gotten me no where. People make me promises and tell me things will get better and they'll help me but they don't.
    I'm worried that today I may be sectioned, my last session did not go well I lost my patience and basically told them everything you should never tell your shrink if you don't want to end up in a padded cell. The crisis team was called and I spent 5 hours there instead of the scheduled 45 minutes and I've had a home visit every other day since.
    I just can't be bothered to hold in all the nastiness and poison in my mind any more but I'd much rather be at home and able to do whatever the fuck I like to myself than in an institution being watched, I've been there before it's not fun.
    So I'm sort of stuck with this decision on whether or not to open my big mouth again, except I'm not, because I just don't give a fuck what they do any more.
    I have stuffed my body with their pills and my mind with their bullshit psycho babble for so long and not changed so now I figure it's just best to say it as it is.
    I'm going to kill myself one way or another.
    That is the only thought I am at peace with.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    It must be hard waiting with anxiety on those days..I have also been in long term mental facilities.. In treatment a long time.. and I agree.. being sectioned is far from fun.. I just hope if you can't get support from your doctors you somehow find away to get support from others.. From my experiences.. somethings get better.. and others not as much.. But I think it all depends on the specific person and situation.. PM me anytime if you would like someone to chat with..
  3. hall

    hall Member

    I attended a psych appointment yesterday and came out feeling distressed. I took extra medication to cope with the after effects. Surely this is not the outcome we would wish for. I no longer trust any of these professionals and salute you for having the courage to say your piece. You are running on anger. Anger provides much needed energy when stuck. Is there any way you can use the anger to unstick yourself? Is there something you really want to achieve (I don't mean death)? If yes, focus the energy on your goal and do it.
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Finding right ppl to work with is important.But i will say they are there to help guide you support you some work will actually come from you, as in finding your own inner strength.There is no miracle cure you have a journey too take the advice use it shrug the crap that dosnt apply but it does take you too to fight this.I do get where you are coming from but it also takes some work from you too.Glad your here to tell your story and you will find support and understanding here work on becoming strong not suicide and always post here when you feel down.Take care
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