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shud i stay or shud i go

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Goneofftrack, Sep 28, 2013.

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  1. Goneofftrack

    Goneofftrack Member

    I have been with my for 6 months, I have been in abuse relationships and literally trusted no man, something about this guy, made me want to drop my guard and let this guy in. The last 6 months have been bliss, no violence,no fear, just plain sailing. Until he started saying he needed a car. I can see why, he lives a hour outside the city, no buses or trams, he has to cycle everywhere and his parents wont help me. He always trying to pay for his way through college. So my darling bf has decided to work two part jobs recently and and attend college full time. Which means he has no time for me, leaving me feeling rejected and hurt, but I want to see him happy.

    I must add this relationship has brought a lot of healing, I even found the courage to tell him of upsetting trauma I experienced and he didn't judge me, just held me close and let me cry. That was very empowering and supportive. I do love him, he doesn't know that but I do. I also feel cuz im taking time out from college, I lost my friends, I completely lost contact with my friends at home, I don't have a job, or a car. Im feeling frustrated, bord and with history of major depression, anxiety and PTSD, that isn't easy. His been through a lot and we sort of seemed to be supporting each other, and that made us closer.

    We just decided to go on a break 2nite, Im flooding my room with tears. Please give me some advice I don't want to lose him. We even planned for my bday in nov we would fly to London for a romantic week :( heart smashed.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you sign up for a class of interest at college just something to keep you busy something you would enjoy learning art music photography so you don't feel so alone ok Or do some volunteer work that way you can also meet new people new friends just to keep you busy and not so bored and alone hugs
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know, not what you want to hear but "but if you love something set it free. If it comes back, it's meant to be, if it doesn't, it never was." Or some thing like that. Hun you can be your own worse enemy in a relationship. It's been 6 months. You have been there for one another, supporting and nurturing each others hurts. You have learned to trust this person. So don't smother each other now.

    I have a daughter that is, sorry was and sometimes still does, go through the same situation. She had been deeply hurt in her life. Guys that she should of been able to feel safe with and been able to go to with her feelings and thoughts. But instead, from their actions, she curled up inside herself. She felt unlovable. She beat herself up with the what ifs and the I don't matters. She started to isolate away to feel safe. Then she met "him". He made her feel safe. He made her feel like she actually was a somebody and that what she felt and thought mattered. And he keeps being there. They have put each other through a lot of torment with their feelings that erupt from unfair pasts. Put he is still there. In the beginning she was so afraid that he would leave and that she didn't deserve to be treated so nicely and kindly. It felt foreign to have someone that wanted to be with her. Do things for her. To make her feel happy and good about herself. But he is still there. Why? Because he wants to be!

    He works for the railway. So he has long hours and weird shifts. My daughter works with very early morning shifts til late afternoon or afternoon to night. They rarely get to see one another. And when she really needs him, she feels abandoned. They can still call or text one another. But as you probably know, it doesn't feel the same at all as him being there. It's incredible how just a hug or a cuddle can make such a huge difference when you are feeling down and out.

    Recently, he felt it would be best if they had a little space. Slowed down a bit. And gawd she was so afraid that she was loosing him. That she had given him too much too handle. And in a sense she had. You know how overwhelmed you feel yourself with your feelings and thoughts of depression. How you feel out of control and at depressions will. Now put yourself in his shoes. He definitely cares. If he didn't he would of run long ago. He is there the best he can be. And he really does try his best to make you feel better and to try and understand what you are going through. But wow! Not too many guys would sign up to volunteer for that kind of responsibility. So a little time apart, some space, isn't really so drastic. You can call one another, text and maybe even Skype, like ONCE a day. But if you mean as much to him as I think you do, don't smother him. If you can't trust him enough to give him a little space to breath, then I think you're acting on your own paranoid feelings. Taking a little time from one another, does not mean no contact or never seeing one another. It just means a break so that you can make things even stronger. If you can allow him a little time to himself then I think you may prove to yourself just how much you have grown!

    And sadly, if he decides not to return...it wasn't meant to be. But take the strength you have gained, don't slip back into yourself but move on to a new journey in your life.
    Just a few words of advice.
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