Shut Down

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Melbel, Jun 30, 2012.

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  1. Melbel

    Melbel Member

    The title says it all! I am just gonna cut ties. I open up…say too much… I refuse to get close to anyone any more!! I don’t care if it is on a friend level or more. Once I start to get close to you, I will shut you down! Be FOREWARNED!! I am thankful for internal voice! She tells me that I am a worthless piece of shit and she is disappointed in me because I broke the following rules: Feelings are to be kept INTERNAL! No one likes to be around anyone who is down! You will NOT open up! You WILL NOT be weak! You WILL keep up a facade! Because I broke these rules, she tells me I will pay severely! I will take my punishment that I deserve. I know that involves one or all of the following: New scars to hide Starvation Dehydration Overdose ending it all! She knows best! This is goodbye! I will delete my account this weekend. I am not worthy of anyone's time.
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    At times, our minds can be our worst enemy--at other times, best friend--when it talks to you in this negatively motivating way, I believe that it is primarily your condition that is doing the speaking (& not your true inner voice). In other words, our depression loves it when we are sick, it doesn't wish good health upon us, and so it will talk us into all sorts of trouble, so that it won't be forced to vacate, permanently. One thing that could be going on, is that these fears or uncertainties about gaining closeness with friends, may manifest themselves into self-fulfilling prophecies. Such as, "I know I'm no good when I let them see the real me, so I'll just sabotage everything, because they'll just leave me in the end, anyway." This especially comes into play with regard to the self-punishment. A typical feature in us, it unfortunately serves no useful purpose, for we never seem to get better for supposed lessons learned from our mistakes via these self-correcting endeavors. Best of luck to you!
     
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