Shutting down... And not caring what happens for right now

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Silently-Hated, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. Silently-Hated

    Silently-Hated Well-Known Member

    Honestly, and truly I'm out of it. I'm as stiff and boring as a concrete wall that no one wants to knock down. Not sure if you'll understand that, not sure if I really care. Sometimes, most times I shut down, I block out people, I force put their hateful words, their nonsense that I don't care for, even their words of encouragemeant, (not like I get it though). I just don't care I've been like this since last night... Not long I suppose, I can go weeks, months even years like this... But than people will start to worry and there's no point in worrying about me... So I have to stop, n I have to force a smile on my face, and I have to force a laugh, but neither are fully true. But after awhile I get out of the mode and start going back to normal, or sort of normal...
    I kind of prefer shutting down, it leaves no room for emotions, it leaves to no room to complain, it leaves no room for thoughts that I know will hurt me even more. I don't mind pain though, pain is fine, welcome actually...
    Anyways when I'm like this it's so hard to get out, and you could be the funniest person on the earth but I won't even blink at you, I'll turn my back and walk away, or worst case punch you in the face.
    Hmm I won't hurt anyways though, there's no point in that... I'll just stick to imaginarily killing myself or others...