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Shutting down

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
I feel so overwhelmed that I'm starting to shut down. At times I dissociate and I noticed this happens to me often at work. I have been having the same issue for a long time and every few months or so I feel close to a breaking point but somehow I keep going. I worry if I push myself too hard I'll actually have the big break. I cry almost every day and want to cry frequently throughout the day. My boyfriend says he worries about me because sometimes I don't seem "here" and can look in a daze. I don't know what to say because that is how I feel a lot of the time now...
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#3
I feel so overwhelmed that I'm starting to shut down. At times I dissociate and I noticed this happens to me often at work. I have been having the same issue for a long time and every few months or so I feel close to a breaking point but somehow I keep going. I worry if I push myself too hard I'll actually have the big break. I cry almost every day and want to cry frequently throughout the day. My boyfriend says he worries about me because sometimes I don't seem "here" and can look in a daze. I don't know what to say because that is how I feel a lot of the time now...
Hi @lightning05. Sorry that you're feeling overwhelmed. It sounds like stress too. Are you feeling it physically? This is something that was asked of me in individual counseling and group that I became aware of. Examples are that I tighten my jaw or my heartbeat races. You did mention crying, but I'm concerned also that your stress level is very high.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#5
At times my heart races and I feel very anxious. Also I have been getting headaches a lot that I think are stress related from holding my shoulders up and creating tension. I notice I grind my teeth sometimes too and have to make a conscious effort to stop. I'm definitely stressed out. I think the dissociation happens when I am anxious and in situations that make me the most unhappy (work). I think it's my brain's way of surviving the day to not become overwhelmed.
 

Marilyn1962

Well-Known Member
#6
I feel so overwhelmed that I'm starting to shut down. At times I dissociate and I noticed this happens to me often at work. I have been having the same issue for a long time and every few months or so I feel close to a breaking point but somehow I keep going. I worry if I push myself too hard I'll actually have the big break. I cry almost every day and want to cry frequently throughout the day. My boyfriend says he worries about me because sometimes I don't seem "here" and can look in a daze. I don't know what to say because that is how I feel a lot of the time now...
I dissociate too, my fiancé always complains that it's creepy, but it's just my brain trying to calm down i think.

I dont have any advice as im going through something similar but believe me I understand how it feels to be so stressed out that your brain can't cope. Make sure you make time for yourself, even if it means taking priority from another aspect of your life.

Hope you get though this soon x
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#7
Can you get another job? One that doesn’t induce so much distress? Perhaps this is not the best time —(if you’re not feeling up to it...) / (on the other hand: sometimes that is precisely the right time to try!). . . Good luck 👍 & 🍀 sending you positive vibes! : )
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#8
it's just my brain trying to calm down i think.
I think this is what it is for me too.

@MisterBGone I am currently a temp so moving from job to job but I have also been looking for a permanent one. I have only applied to one so far because I only want to pursue ones I'm really interested in. I'm not feeling up to it but am pushing myself to do it because I know my situation won't change unless I work to change it.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#10
I think this is what it is for me too.

@MisterBGone I am currently a temp so moving from job to job but I have also been looking for a permanent one. I have only applied to one so far because I only want to pursue ones I'm really interested in. I'm not feeling up to it but am pushing myself to do it because I know my situation won't change unless I work to change it.
wow! That’s great to hear @lightning05 . . : ) And I’d have to imagine that working temp jobs has got to be a kind of stress all, or unique onto itself! Good on you for plowing through to try & find something better that is more sustainable and better down the line for you overall health and well being. Just keep doing the best you can! And focus on one thing at a time - as you say, only going for those that appeal to you (there’s certainly nothing wrong with that!)... probably reinforced a bit by your current or present circumstances, I’d bet! So that sounds wise to me. And I wish you all the best, for success in this matter. :)
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#11
@Rockclimbinggirl I have some grounding techniques that I use when I'm having in-the-moment anxiety like tracing the outline of my hand with my other one and deep breathing. I have been doing a lot of yoga and guided meditation in the evenings when I come home that helps. I just have this overall anxiety because I'm very worried about my future and I feel like I have failed a lot already and don't want to continue.

@MisterBGone thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Temp jobs to me are very stressful because I can't control where I go next and I'm kind of just forced to stick it out for a few months even if I can't stand it which has been the case for the past year. I'm honestly having a bit of anxiety about what my next assignment will be because I haven't liked the ones I have already had.

I can be very hard on myself so I do need to recognize I'm doing the best I can right now given the circumstances.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#12
@Rockclimbinggirl I have some grounding techniques that I use when I'm having in-the-moment anxiety like tracing the outline of my hand with my other one and deep breathing. I have been doing a lot of yoga and guided meditation in the evenings when I come home that helps. I just have this overall anxiety because I'm very worried about my future and I feel like I have failed a lot already and don't want to continue.

@MisterBGone thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Temp jobs to me are very stressful because I can't control where I go next and I'm kind of just forced to stick it out for a few months even if I can't stand it which has been the case for the past year. I'm honestly having a bit of anxiety about what my next assignment will be because I haven't liked the ones I have already had.

I can be very hard on myself so I do need to recognize I'm doing the best I can right now given the circumstances.
Yes, ok. . . 👌 I see—so, it almost seems then, that perhaps taking something that you think you’ll “like,” might suffice... until you find some-thing you “love?” Just in so far as getting you out of that, “uncertainty territory!” Which has to wreak heck on your anxiety levels (or so I’d presume. . .) / I know it can be tempting to wait on the one that looks like it’ll be ‘perfect,’ in terms of ‘fit,’ but the reality —&/or truth of the matter is, you really just don’t know for sure how it’s going to be until you’ve stated to do it. Maybe just the stability and peace of mind that a “non-temp,” job would bring might in and of itself be part of the reward; or an increase significantly in the desirability department. I’d maybe even consider something that you could live with, provide that it entails, or provides these benefits. And then use that - as you “temporary gig,” until you can find something better, or more to your liking. But the big difference here, will be — that you control everything/that is, “call the shots!” ;D
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#13
almost seems then, that perhaps taking something that you think you’ll “like,” might suffice... until you find some-thing you “love?” Just in so far as getting you out of that, “uncertainty territory!”
I was thinking about that this morning actually about maybe applying to something I find interesting, even if it is just part time, to get me excited about work again as I have developed a very anxious and negative outlook on it due to what's happened in the past.

I know it can be tempting to wait on the one that looks like it’ll be ‘perfect,’ in terms of ‘fit,’ but the reality —&/or truth of the matter is, you really just don’t know for sure how it’s going to be until you’ve stated to do it.
I think this is why I am scared to apply to permanent positions because I'm scarred from the past and places I thought would work out for me haven't. It is true though that you can never really know what a job would be like until you start it.

I'm slowly gaining the confidence to reach out and apply to places. Although I haven't liked my temp jobs I have learned a lot that can be applied to other positions and I talked with someone who showed me how to beef up my resume and how to word things on job applications to have the best shot of being chosen for an interview. I definitely think it's fear of ending up hurting and stuck again that's holding me back right now. However not being happy in work and working in racist and toxic environments has caused me a tremendous amount of stress so I have no choice but to keep looking and trying to break the cycle of unhappiness.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#14
Wow! I can’t believe what an amazing, and most excellent attitude you have here on this (& a great “handle” on, as well, just in terms of the analysis, of the situation...) I agree wholeheartedly—I think that each situation you experience. You learn something from. Even the bad ones (& it’s the old saying that, “sometimes the bad, teach us more than the good!”). :^) see, I’ll give you an example of what I mean from this morning - or earlier... one of my last positions (I say it like this to I guess make it sound more important than it actually is! Ha..;)) on paper -should have been as close to perfect as it could get! Everything about it, from a job-description perspective to the viewpoints from those in charge of, or doing the hiring (which included one of the major players from a power structure standpoint: I believe she sat #3 at that point; under only ownership, as she in essence also ran the company..). But everything basically went ka-boom!! Once I’d started. And thus was due to the way in which they philosophically ran their company, and specifically treated their employees. In essence, making decisions that suited or served best them selves, and impacted rather unfairly (& that’s putting it in the best possible light!), the employees, with the clients or residents / patients we served being impacted as well, or included in this, just due to being “innocent bystanders!” Now, by the time I’d realized just how disastrous this place was - it was already too late. . . Because at that point I’d gotten to know some of these people we were charged with caring for; & so had begun to feel badly for them, getting such inadequate treatment (at least by my professional standards, and such)- now, the funny thing is, is that I was leaving a rock solid company that had an even more stellar reputation (though the difference being that it was deserved, or earned). However, almost everything about it was the exact opposite of this on paper. Now the only problem with this setup was that I got stationed, or placed at a residents where the staff quite literally broke all the rules (& this particular place had one of the highest reputations in the massive company, with the employee of the year coming from there the previous year - which, just from a sheer numbers point, is like a one in a million shot or chance - never mind the politics that may or may not have been involved!) ;) but with staff so well tenured, and in my eyes both a management and administrative set, “in on it” — or if not so (at least aware of what was going on, and then being passive about it, so as to let it continue...) now they never got burned when I was there. I did here however, that they did shortly after I left (which comes as no surprise as one of the new members there told me directly that he didn’t trust my boss, and that he only wanted, at that moment in time, to talk to me - the low man on the totem pole. . . I did what I could to ease his conscience on both sides, in fact, even trying to delicately but abruptly or bluntly - that is frankly tell him how he’s viewed (so as to give him the opportunity to correct said inconsistencies or mistakes in judgement). And what I saw from him surprised me. Sheer and unadulterated “defensiveness!” Instead of tryin to listen and understand where the miscommunication had originated or come from. He instead went on the offensive, and began to belittle and put him down (which was even more surprising to me given how even keeled or level headed he normally was). But maybe he felt caught in something that he was at fault of, or in, at least in part - and so that was his way to deal with, or handle it. In terms of his defense mechanism. I should also note that he was best friends from high school with the Human Resources director! It’s a small world, and so he may have had a leg up in his hire, who knows or cares. But basically what all the employees did there but me (with one or two rare exceptions), was to clock one another in and out with their numbers. And so they could be on the clock and getting paid. While resting comfortably in their own beds. Or heading out of town for the weekend, kind of a thing... And the next job, the first I’d spoken of, made this one look innocent by comparison. In every way, shape or form! Sorry to ramble there. Some of the most satisfying jobs I’ve held from the point of which you seem to be encountering significant struggle, at the ones which on paper - could be argued, were “beneath me.” Now nothing in fact is actually that - but based on qualifications and resume, things like that I’ve definitely been told in quite a few interviews that I was an overqualified candidate, and with a rather ‘atypical,’ resume. But anyway, mostly this had to do not so much with the job, or it’s description; but rather the prior (I worked with, and for). That can make all the difference in the work right there. If either one is exceptional, and all you can ask for is that the other is acceptable, then you’ve got a great shot at being happy. Which is more than you can probably say now. It’s kind of the “act,” of work that’s the most important, in some cases. Whereas what you’re actually doing, may come or be secondary- in nature! :) good luck, sorry to ramble and babble, but it’s what I do best (or worst!) it seems... & yeah, you’re place of business or employment sounds like an epic nightmare - no offense! Funny how people can get away with it, but they will get away with what(ever) they can!
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#16
@MisterBGone thank you for sharing your story and insight. I really appreciate it. I think I need to not be so rigid in my thinking and also not stress about it as much as I have been. I'm still kind of scared of putting myself out there and I know right now a lot of employers aren't hiring so I'm just trying to find things outside of work that make me happy and focus on that.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#17
Good! That’s a great 👍 idea 💡 AND plan (not to mention attitude...) to have @lightning05 :D _whaf you describe is a perfectly normal reaction, I think, to what everybody pretty much encounters under those - & other circumstances! You can even look at something like professionals entertainers, or athletes, the best and the elite in their fields. And they Still get NeRvOuS / have the jitters, really bad anxiety, stage fright (some to the point of ‘puking!’). . . Before they go on the stage—or hit the field. So, you gotta think: if these people have a tough time with it; & they’re in most cases doing this on a fairly regular basis, then what have I got to worry about? Just in terms of being unique, or different, when it comes to feeling these emotions, which, as it turns out are a whole lot more perfectly normal than one might at first glance think. . ;^)) keep battling! That’s all there is to it—
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#18
I also, think... that to a certain extent—a big part of what it boils down to, is that this shows, or means- that you “care!” It matters to you, and is important. . . And there’s far greater crimes one ☝️ could commit, in the lifetime than That! Am I right? ;)
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#19
I also, think... that to a certain extent—a big part of what it boils down to, is that this shows, or means- that you “care!” It matters to you, and is important. . . And there’s far greater crimes one ☝️ could commit, in the lifetime than That! Am I right? ;)
This is very true along with your other message about it being normal to get nerves and jitters. You have made me feel better and I thank you for that :)
 

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