I was in the hospital 4 times from May-July. I was last discharged on 8/1. I have been out of the hospital since, for 2 months and 21 days. Today, I had suicidal feeling for the first time since I was admitted to the hospital in late July. I have a Case Manager who called me today, and was concerned. The last thing I want is to go back to the hospital. I am so afraid they will insist that I have ECT if I do. They were adamant about it the last time I was in, but I kept saying, "NO!" In my state doctors can override what the patients wants in regards to ECT and I can be forced to have treatments. I have to do all I can to stay at home. When the SI feelings are at their worst, it makes it hard to remember and enact coping skills. I just needed to talk about this today.