Sick and tired of doing this

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ume94, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. Ume94

    Ume94 Member

    I am sick and tired of doing this to myself. Ever since the age of 13 i had my first relationship and my life has been a mess since then because of it. I have had only 3 serious boyfriends in my life (I'm 19 now). In my first relationship I was emotionally abused for 3 years (we both were immature) and I was hurt to end the relationship, but I was more relieved to let go because I was sick and tired of being treated like crap. Eventually i moved on (but with a morbid fear of getting close to boyfriends etc). I feel that I am someone who puts in my all when it comes to my partner even if I used to do it the wrong way (I was very clingy in the past). But about a year ago, I met my second boyfriend. I lost it after our breakup and fell into depression (I did alot of stupid things) and my current boyfriend and I met while I was still in that depression. He pulled me out back then, but now my depression has been taken to a whole new level ever since my boyfriend broke up with me twice (both times i begged for him back) and I have been suffering from anxiety since too and seeing a psychologist. I feel like I can never predict what is gonna come next in our relationship because I never know what he's gonna do next and I feel like I have to say sorry for everything. Sometimes even my sorry isn't enough over small issues that deep in my heart I know aren't my fault. I have changed for him and given him space (he is a muslim and I'm a christian) and because of him everytime we go out I eat halal food together with him and I've stopped drinking for him too. I feel really heartbroken that no matter what i do it never seems enough and my efforts always seem to end up in the trash. I don't want to even live anymore because I'm so tired of walking on eggshells and knowing I'll go crazy if we breakup. I'm tired of being on this emotional rollercoaster with a heart that's already so hurt and burdened. I really have no courage to continue, yet no courage to die. I feel so stupid for that.
     
  2. PureBlueLight

    PureBlueLight Well-Known Member

    Take this seriously: Don't be with someone who hurts you on purpose! You're better alone.
     
  3. CJKitti_85

    CJKitti_85 Member

    I know this is going to be hard but tell him it's over. Tell him why. You should never let someone prune you to their liking or belittle your emotions. Never let them convince that you're nothing without them either. That's just what they say so you'll continue to feed their fire so they can continue to burn you.
     
  4. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Sweetie, maybe you should take a break from relationships. Build yourself up first, you don't need a man to feel complete or stable. Pardon my intrusion but maybe you should break up with him. You're obviously burned out by your relationship, always trying to please your bf. Hun, you don't have to please him all the time. He should accept you faults and all (and vice versa). You are trying so hard to be someone who you think would be perfect for your bf.

    Just take a break, someday you'll find someone who would love all of you, someone who won't ask you to change who you are. You're young don't rush it. :)
     
  5. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    sweetie you should definitely break up and take a few months of being single and free for a while, get other things sorted in your life first. but remember it will be tough on you if do break up so please let your mental health team know so they can support you and know your situation if so when you need to call them they can help you rather just ask ask bunch of bog standard questions.