I've been extremely sick lately and when i went to the doctors turns out i have a split in my gut. I'm in constant pain and the medication they gave me is doing nothing. I went in again and same stuff, i've read that this kind of thing often requires surgery but they don't seem to be doing anything. But at the same time i wish it would just hurry up and kill me. I'm over being in constant pain and fear. I can't even use the phone without fear overtaking me, thinking someone will call me and give me more terrible news. I had to take sick leave for 2 weeks now and i'm so scared that they are gonna fire me for it but i can't help it. I can't eat solid foods cause i just vomit it up and i can barely get around without an incredible amount of pain from my stomach. I keep noticing things that could end it.<mod edit- methods> not sure what brought me back to my senses. I've even started writing suicide notes as if i'm ready to go at any time. I'm scared, i'm in pain, i don't want to do it anymore. I want to die. Not much is stopping me apart from finding out how i should go about it. I don't know what to do.