Sick in the head

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lizzieni, Feb 20, 2011.

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  1. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member

    I can't believe it. A good friend of mine is in hospital with chest pains This weekend, after a year of hell. She was hospitailised for most of her pregancy, nearly died giving birth and has had a very sickly baby who is always in and out of hospital. Her hsband has a really horrible job that really stresses him - and they are the loveliest, happy, gentle, positive people I know.

    How can they have such a terrble time, be so close to death when they want to live and yet I want to die and am perfectly healthy (mental health aside!)

    it's so unfair, for them, for me, plus it makes me feel soo guilty about my feelings when I should be happy as nothing is wrong in my life.

    I know sucidal thoughts are a symptom of my mental illness but I truly want to die. I want my friend and her baby to have my physical health and good fortune so she can enjoy it and I'll take all their illnesses as it's me that deserves them. I could then die guiltfree from illness rather than killing myself, leaving my family without the aftermath of suicide- just a regular death.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't have all the answers. But I do know that you have nothing to feel guilty about. The way you're feeling isn't your fault. I'm really sorry about your friend though, life can be so unfair sometimes. :sad: I hope everything turns out okay for her.
  3. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    well, that's the thing with depression... you can be well off and be extremely depressed anyway... like having a virus or a flu.

    i also can't see how people can laugh all the time... why are they so positive?
  4. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member

    Thanks Wildcherry. It feels so wrong. I can't help feeling guilty, it's stronger than any sensible advice.

    I know what you mean Lachrymose27, about those superpositive, forced positivity people. My friend isnt like that, she's just gentle, ordinary and gets on with it.

    I just wish.... I don't know. Life is too hard, I don't have the strength for it.
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