I can't believe it. A good friend of mine is in hospital with chest pains This weekend, after a year of hell. She was hospitailised for most of her pregancy, nearly died giving birth and has had a very sickly baby who is always in and out of hospital. Her hsband has a really horrible job that really stresses him - and they are the loveliest, happy, gentle, positive people I know. How can they have such a terrble time, be so close to death when they want to live and yet I want to die and am perfectly healthy (mental health aside!) it's so unfair, for them, for me, plus it makes me feel soo guilty about my feelings when I should be happy as nothing is wrong in my life. I know sucidal thoughts are a symptom of my mental illness but I truly want to die. I want my friend and her baby to have my physical health and good fortune so she can enjoy it and I'll take all their illnesses as it's me that deserves them. I could then die guiltfree from illness rather than killing myself, leaving my family without the aftermath of suicide- just a regular death.