I am in a constant state of self-hate from the moment I crawl out of bed in the morning til I crawl back in. I hate being this weak, pathetic monkey, going through the motions day in and day out like I actually care about my life or have something to contribute. I disgust myself, and I’m disgusted by most people with whom I interact. The world is a shit hole. Nothing can change it. It’s governed by human nature and human nature never found an ideal so great it couldn’t shit on. Every day I think about how it’s finally going to end for me. I can’t afford therapy. I can’t talk about it with friends, family or my significant other as they all have their own problems to manage. I am at my wits end, with no recourse but to find a way to end myself. Then, whether I can feel the release or not, at least I won’t be feeling what I have nearly every day of my life.