Sick of being told I should be happy.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by seekinghope, Apr 5, 2012.

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  1. seekinghope

    seekinghope Member

    I can't stand it when people say "you should be happy with what you got", or "there are people who are worse off." Do they actually stop and think before saying such things?
    My main problem is loneliness. I have no real friends, my only immediate family is my grandparents (we hardly ever talk), and I've never had a girlfriend. When it comes to the last one, people tell me I shouldn't be depressed because "the right one will come along" and "there's someone out there for everybody." They are basically telling me that life is like this big Hollywood movie, where everyone has a happy ending. If this is true, then what about those starving Ethiopians that I'm supposed to feel happy comparing myself to? Shouldn't they be happy knowing that one day they will get food, because in this fairy tale world nobody ever starves to death?
    And what kind of rotten person would actually feel better comparing themselves to the less fortunate? I appreciate having food, and I don't need to look at starving people to do so. If I were to actually feel happy looking at them, I would be one lousy person. Can you imaging someone walking around St. Jude, seeing all the dying children and saying "Boy, these people are much worse off than me! I feel so good now!" I'm pretty sure such a person would find themselves in a hospital.
  2. MorganaNever

    MorganaNever Well-Known Member

    Haha, youre absolutely right.

    If anything Ive always thought it makes it more horrible to think everything can be worse. I mean, it just means no matter how low we fell we can/and likely will, always fall lower.

    Great, I feel better now :-/ yea, worst comfort ever. Id rather know im so bad it cant possibly be worse so only way is up..
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    People can be so ignorant at times hun there does not have to be any reason to be sad depression happens to everyone hugs to you
  4. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I agree with you seekinghope. There is no way you can feel better by looking at those in worse shape then you; in fact it always makes me feel worse to know that others are suffering so badly. I know they are but when it's put into my face like that then I just feel worse knowing that they are suffering and I can't help them.
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes, Seekinghope, people surely can be very insensitive. The Buddha used to say that if you look deeply enough you will find the seeds of compassion for each person. In this case I think it means that if people were able to look deeply enough, they would understand that the suffering you feel cannot be fixed simply by complying with the... all too simplistic.... suggestions they make. I know that it is not so simple. And I also know they have not walked an inch, let alone a mile, in your shoes.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Very true, very good replies..... I think people say the "You shoulds ....." because they don't know what else to say, they have a problem with compassion and empathy to whoever they say the "You shoulds....." to - it must do something for them also (like remaining in control, or something).

    When I see the starving, etc..... of course my gut aches for them and good on the agencies who provide the humanitarian aid (hopefully not swindled away by corrupted govenment etc.) I realise I then have a responsibility - not that I can think I am any better, and to finish the comparisons right there........

    Because we are all individuals, and we are all unique. It's unfair that the dice of circumstances falls how it does, true. It heightens the fact that I do have a responsibility to help those in need, as far as I can, and to be thankful to God for what I do have.

    Gratitude IS a key to a happy mind - but not at the expense of the less fortunate, (who will always be there until the human heart changes en masse) There should be an equally easily rejoinder available to the "You should- ers".....
    I heard one a while ago, although it needs a bit of digesting.... but it's still true...... "Every human comparison is necessarily diabolical".
  7. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    These people don't understand depression, nor do they understand that the life of a depressed person would make a starving person appreciate theirs!
  8. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Yeah seekinghope, you're right. looks like everyone here agrees with you. I guess it's comparable to how a person who's never really felt the brunt of racism can never know how it feels to be in that situation. Except for some reason people think that they're experts on depression without having any experience. Idiots.
  9. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    A depressed person would rather be dead. A starving person would rather have food. Which one is easier to fix?
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, I don't understand why people say things like that. It just makes me feel more depressed when someone says I have it better than others. It makes me feel bad about myself and think that my problems aren't important at all. It's like comparing two different things...depression is still suffering, it's mental suffering, and people shouldn't just discount it so easily.
  11. vanishing

    vanishing New Member

    I totally agree, it goes beyond just making the decision. If it was that easy, we would be happy
  12. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    I had a good one from my own mother the other day. She was talking about a friend of the family who has depression and has just come out of hospital. She told me all about how he had been in hospital. But then finished by saying 'but he is better now. he came out of his room to talk while i was there'.

    What a joke... just because someone comes out and says a few words DOES NOT mean that they are fine or better.

    Such ignorance is not helpful!
  13. seekinghope

    seekinghope Member

    It's weird to me how people can seem to understand starvation so well, and not seem to have any idea what depression is like, when the vast majority of us have never actually been starving, but we've all been depressed at some point. I mean we've all been hungry, but that's a far cry from STARVING. If only people could think back to the last time they were very depressed, and could imagine feeling like that every waking minute of their lives with no end in sight!
    And if only they could think about the last time they were depressed and thought about how easy it would have been for them to "just cheer up." If it were that easy, wouldn't everyone be happy 24/7?
  14. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Well said!
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