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Sick of dieting

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#1
Hi guys.
If you don’t know me, my name is lauren. I’ve had problems with my weight for such a long time I can’t even count. I’ve always been abit on the big side apart from once when I put a ton of effort into exercising and doing weight watchers, anyway, after I had my oldest daughter who’s now 7, I haven’t been able to shift any of my weight. I ended up having a c section with her and then again with my second daughter. I’m currently at the biggest I’ve ever been. I’m so ashamed, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I’ve stopped weighing myself because I know I’ve gained. But I know I’m heading towards 17 stone 😔

Currently I’m waiting on a scan to see if I have polycystic ovaries as I’ve not even had a period this year. This will obviously contribute. I’ve been hiding myself in leggings and stretchy jeans. But even then I get a muffin top. I just want to cry. I want to grab a knife a chop it all off, I hate it so much. Obviously I’m not going to do that coz that’s just mad! I’m hoping that I can speak to a doctor soon about it because no matter what I try nothing happens

I’ve tried weight watchers, slimming world, calorie counting. Nothing helps. It’s like my metabolism is literally at the bottom end of the scale. Nothing happens.

My mother in law just told me I should be eating between 1000-1200 calories if I want to lose weight that much, but I honestly don’t think it’s fathomable. I don’t want to be starving and I don’t want to be miserable because I’m so hungry. I don’t know what I should or shouldn’t be doing anymore. I’m so lost

please help :(
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#3
Hugs @Dinolaur Lauren


There's nothing to be ashamed about. At a certain point, weight can be a health risk, but it's still not something to be ashamed of.

In practical terms, I can try to tell you what's helped for me if you'd like, but practical things aren't necessarily what you want or need the most right now.

More hugs
Thanks for replying @may71

I’m awfully ashamed. I hide in black clothing all the time. I’ve just bought myself a ton of new clothing coz nothing fits and everything else I feel disgusting in.

I forgot to add that I also have fibromyalgia which is a big hindrance on my weight loss. I just can’t seem to shift it :( I’m so depressed about it
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#5
Sad to read. I know all are different and knows what has worked for me. I eat my bigger meal, and they all are NOT healthy, midmorning more like a brunch and then later in the evening I will have something, could be a glass of milk or some fruit or simple like that to just not be hungry. One thing that some have found to work is not too long before a meal have an appetizer type of food, could be a hand full of potato chips, a slice or two of cheese where it partially makes you feel not as hungry.
 

Freya

Loves SF
Admin
SF Author
SF Supporter
#6
@Dinolaur I am sorry you feel so bad - I understand completely. At my heaviest I got to 22 stone. I got down to 12 stone 10lb just before my lovely husband got here (have gained a depressing amount since that I need to shift).

I think you have to be in the right headspace for weight loss and feeling depressed and miserable about the idea of it isn’t the headspace to start with.

How tall are you? You shouldn’t be eating less than 1200 calories, period, and at the weight you are now, 1200 is going to be too low. There are lots of calculators to work out how many calories you should eat to lose a nice healthy steady amount.

What are your weak points good wise? For some people the fear is being hungry and diets like slimming world where you have “free food” are good for that. For other people it’s that they want to be able to eat particular foods or to drink, which makes calorie counting a better solution. If you can identify what makes you feel miserable about the idea of dieting it will help you identify the right diet for you.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#7
Sad to read. I know all are different and knows what has worked for me. I eat my bigger meal, and they all are NOT healthy, midmorning more like a brunch and then later in the evening I will have something, could be a glass of milk or some fruit or simple like that to just not be hungry. One thing that some have found to work is not too long before a meal have an appetizer type of food, could be a hand full of potato chips, a slice or two of cheese where it partially makes you feel not as hungry.
Having an appetiser might work. It’s so difficult to know
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#8
@Dinolaur I am sorry you feel so bad - I understand completely. At my heaviest I got to 22 stone. I got down to 12 stone 10lb just before my lovely husband got here (have gained a depressing amount since that I need to shift).

I think you have to be in the right headspace for weight loss and feeling depressed and miserable about the idea of it isn’t the headspace to start with.

How tall are you? You shouldn’t be eating less than 1200 calories, period, and at the weight you are now, 1200 is going to be too low. There are lots of calculators to work out how many calories you should eat to lose a nice healthy steady amount.

What are your weak points good wise? For some people the fear is being hungry and diets like slimming world where you have “free food” are good for that. For other people it’s that they want to be able to eat particular foods or to drink, which makes calorie counting a better solution. If you can identify what makes you feel miserable about the idea of dieting it will help you identify the right diet for you.
Hey Freya! Thankyou for replying! That’s a lot of information and I think you’re very right. Being in the wrong headspace won’t be any good. I was going by an app called “my fitness pal” which told me that in order to lose weight I needed to be eating around 1670 calories. To me I feel that 1000-1200 is far too little and won’t be sustainable, especially afterwards when I’ve got to wear I wanna be. I don’t get why she thinks that’s a good amount. It’s barely anything! She told me that my fitness pal was not my “pal” and that it was wrong 🙄🤣 because she lost about 5 stone she seems to think she’s the guru of calorie counting lol

I am at my most miserable when I’m dieting and hungry. I hate being hungry. I remember once I did the Atkins diet, I was so miserable because I couldn’t eat much that after a week I was crying because I couldn’t do it anymore. That’s how pathetic it is. I did slimming world and although great, I find I come to a placebo with it and can’t shift anything after a stone. So I end up giving up. I think it’s weird that you have “free” food as well as everything has calories. I think knowing more about calories now is maybe a good thing because even though I’ve given up, I’m still very cautious about it my calories even though I’m not counting them. Even in the mornings I’m still eating low fat yoghurt with grape nuts and fruit added to it. Lunch is my biggest issue because I don’t eat bread really and I find lunch quite difficult. Sometimes I eat crackers and spread with cucumber and then a bowl of salad. Other than that I don’t really know what to have.

But I do need get into a better headspace
 

Freya

Loves SF
Admin
SF Author
SF Supporter
#10
Lots and lots of people lose weight with that app and you definitely need to give yourself somewhere to go down to later if you feel that you need to. Plus if you exercise at all then it tracks extra calories you “earn”. I agree with you re slimming world. I don’t do well with it because carbs don’t really agree with me, especially bread and pasta. I also agree that an awareness of calories can only be a good thing.

I tried Atkins once also - never again.

If you feel good about 1600 calories then sod what your mother in law thinks. I know the temptation is to want to lose it fast but that isn’t sustainable or healthy. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do and what is healthy so don’t let her get in your head. When you feel good about starting and in a positive mindset then start and don’t even tell your MIL you’re doing it - definitely don’t tell her how many calories. It’s none of her business. If she asks how many calories you’re eating just tell her “the right amount for my health goals” and change the subject!
 
#11
As you know, I have had struggles with what I think about my weight. Reality is, so long as your weight is not a health risk, it is perfectly fine. I am sorry you are struggling just the way I do. I would say that if you really want to lose weight, ask your doctor what the best way that he/she think would be for you to lose weight. In my opinion, the people who think things about your weight are often ashamed of their own. Your mother in law is just trying to make herself feel better most likely. If you can, it would be best for you to ignore her.
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Peace comes from within" - The Buddha
#12
I just want to give you a hug. *hug

1000 calories a day is ridiculous and 1200 is not enough. I'm currently dieting at around 1700-1800 a day and the weight is coming off slowly I'm about your weight (also my heaviest).

You should not feel bad because some people have a complex physical and emotional relationship with food. Physical conditions and mental illness certainly play a role. I can't do low carb because it makes me miserable, and my psychiatrist said this is common for people with depression. I eat a good quality sprouted multigrain bread.

Do you get enough exercise? That has been so hard during Covid. I try to go for a 20-30 minute walk every day and use my elliptical trainer every few days, and a few hand weights and leg exercises. That's all I can manage now. You probably get more exercise since you have kids.

Try watching plus-size YouTube fashion videos and maybe they will help you feel a bit better about yourself. It's good that you have clothes in your size because it's not comfortable wearing clothes that are snug. It's okay if clothes are loose so you will still be able to wear the clothes when you lose weight.

I am going to start rewarding myself with something non-food-related when I lose weight. Like some art supplies from the dollar store if I lose 5 lbs, or a new purse if I lose 10 lbs. I feel like concrete rewards will help me. Once I lose 20 lbs I will fit into some of my summer clothes more comfortably so that will be a reward in itself!
 
#13
@Dinolaur

Being sick (& frustrated) of dieting is understandable. You should not feel ashamed.
Sounds like you are working with dr to evaluate possible causes. If you take any medications, ask the dr if a side effect is hunger/slowed metabolism. Ask for blood work, check your thyroid function & hemoglobin A1C (blood sugar). the POC & blood sugar issues have a link. Fibromyalgia makes everything a little harder & slower.

I like to think of a goal of having a healthy lifestyle is a good place to start. Being able to go & do with your family Is important.

i think talking to dr is important. Identify problems. Talk to dr about what diets you have tried & what suggestion she can make.

Ask for a referral to a Bariatric center. They can work with you-to develop personalized program. You may even be a candidate more aggressive therapies .

Be kind and patient with Yourself. I think you should focus on living a healthy lifestyle. You are worth the effort❣️
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#14
Hi Lauren 💞

Try not to diet, make it a healthy lifestyle choice with treats included, focus on health and it should become the new normal. One thing that helped me recently, was changing just one thing at a time, for me it was filling up on wholegrain pasta or rice instead of potatoes for dinner, then I ate fruit salad or nuts (healthy fats) instead of doritos/pringles whilst watching movies, all these little changes add up. Like you, I still have a good bit to lose so hopefully we can encourage each other *hug

1000-1200 calories is too low for any adult and is not healthy so please don't take that advice from your MIL. Of course she has your best interests at heart but there are boundaries, maybe tell her you can handle your heathy habits/eating and self care yourself?

I definitely understand your frustration hun, I remember we were talking about this in chat, I too hide in black clothing, there was one stage last year I was very unhappy about my weight, it was all I could think about and still at times it affects me so you are not alone Lauren. It's hard to lose weight I just started the April healthy lifestyle thread if you want to join in :) I'm in full swing mode to get this excess weight off slowly and healthily. You can too Lauren :)

https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/💦-april-healthy-living-and-weight-gain-loss-maintain-and-fitness-thread-feel-free-to-join.168978/#post-2156581

Like you I'm hoping to lose some more of the weight so I can feel good, wear nice colours and not be breathless and not feel guilty or ashamed. I have lost a bit but want to do it slowly as that is how you can maintain it better. I think you should keep a food and exercise diary or use the myfitnesspal one, despite what your MIL says it helps millions of people track their intake, go for it hun.

The feeling ashamed part, so sorry you feel this way too, Laur :( what helps me there is putting on some nice make-up and having my hairstyle nice, in my head it evens things out, just a suggestion.

A big mistake I was making before was wanting the weight to come off fast, you crash and burn and binge and get even further discouraged about the current approach, set realistic goals and hopefully you will start seeing results.

Pardon my ignorance but I don't know anything really about fibromyalgia, can I ask how it affects or could affect your ability to lose weight? Does your condition affect exercise?

Best of luck with your scans hun, I hope all goes well. You have lots of support here hun. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin, this time with more knowledge 🌈
 
Last edited:

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#15
*hug Lauren. I'm on the calorie counting train myself lately. I like this stone thing, saying I started off at 14 stone sounds much less horrible than the number actually on my scale. And yeah, I'm disgusted with my own body lately. I understand the urge to just cut it all off, if only that would even work.

You don't have anything to be ashamed of though. This is something so many people struggle with. There isn't one answer. I think the key also is to accept that any change will happen slowly. Make changes that are more sustainable, because it always takes so much longer to lose than to gain. And pay attention to the things that aren't the number on the scale, too. I don't feel great about the small amount I've lost since starting at the beginning of the year, but I notice a difference in a pair of jeans I had been avoiding wearing. So that tells my brain to keep at it.

Important for me - snacks that come in single serving sizes. Little packets of trail mix/nuts or a granola bar or something in the mid afternoon is really all I need, but if left to my own devices I would eat handfuls of something that comes in a big bag.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#16
@Dinolaur

Being sick (& frustrated) of dieting is understandable. You should not feel ashamed.
Sounds like you are working with dr to evaluate possible causes. If you take any medications, ask the dr if a side effect is hunger/slowed metabolism. Ask for blood work, check your thyroid function & hemoglobin A1C (blood sugar). the POC & blood sugar issues have a link. Fibromyalgia makes everything a little harder & slower.

I like to think of a goal of having a healthy lifestyle is a good place to start. Being able to go & do with your family Is important.

i think talking to dr is important. Identify problems. Talk to dr about what diets you have tried & what suggestion she can make.

Ask for a referral to a Bariatric center. They can work with you-to develop personalized program. You may even be a candidate more aggressive therapies .

Be kind and patient with Yourself. I think you should focus on living a healthy lifestyle. You are worth the effort❣️
Hey Flamingo.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I've just been for blood tests last week and got all that checked out, the only thing that came back wrong was a slightly elevated liver enzymes. Nothing on the thyroid at all which i thought was the problem but clearly not. Its so frustrating. I've literally got everything going wrong right now.
I have no idea what a Bariatric centre is so i'll give it a google :)
Thankyou for being kind
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#17
Lots and lots of people lose weight with that app and you definitely need to give yourself somewhere to go down to later if you feel that you need to. Plus if you exercise at all then it tracks extra calories you “earn”. I agree with you re slimming world. I don’t do well with it because carbs don’t really agree with me, especially bread and pasta. I also agree that an awareness of calories can only be a good thing.

I tried Atkins once also - never again.

If you feel good about 1600 calories then sod what your mother in law thinks. I know the temptation is to want to lose it fast but that isn’t sustainable or healthy. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do and what is healthy so don’t let her get in your head. When you feel good about starting and in a positive mindset then start and don’t even tell your MIL you’re doing it - definitely don’t tell her how many calories. It’s none of her business. If she asks how many calories you’re eating just tell her “the right amount for my health goals” and change the subject!
See i knew i wasnt going mad! She keeps telling me i wont lost anything on that many calories, but its what the app is telling me to eat to lose a sensible amount of weight. Its exactly what the app is for.
I think coz she did it, she thinks everyone is able to on 1000-1200 calories but its not a healthy way of doing it even if it means i'll be able to drop quickly, i know it wont stay off that way.

Yeah i'll never do atkins again either lol. Yes i dont really eat bread but pasta i love and have stayed away for some time now. rice is my go to at the moment, but i dont like brown rice or brown pasta so i was eating the uncle bens stuff even though i know its not a healthy option, so i've moved over to cauliflower rice even though im not 100% keen on it lol but you gotta do what you gotta do
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#18
I just want to give you a hug. *hug

1000 calories a day is ridiculous and 1200 is not enough. I'm currently dieting at around 1700-1800 a day and the weight is coming off slowly I'm about your weight (also my heaviest).

You should not feel bad because some people have a complex physical and emotional relationship with food. Physical conditions and mental illness certainly play a role. I can't do low carb because it makes me miserable, and my psychiatrist said this is common for people with depression. I eat a good quality sprouted multigrain bread.

Do you get enough exercise? That has been so hard during Covid. I try to go for a 20-30 minute walk every day and use my elliptical trainer every few days, and a few hand weights and leg exercises. That's all I can manage now. You probably get more exercise since you have kids.

Try watching plus-size YouTube fashion videos and maybe they will help you feel a bit better about yourself. It's good that you have clothes in your size because it's not comfortable wearing clothes that are snug. It's okay if clothes are loose so you will still be able to wear the clothes when you lose weight.

I am going to start rewarding myself with something non-food-related when I lose weight. Like some art supplies from the dollar store if I lose 5 lbs, or a new purse if I lose 10 lbs. I feel like concrete rewards will help me. Once I lose 20 lbs I will fit into some of my summer clothes more comfortably so that will be a reward in itself!
That was such a lovely message.
Thats exactly what i said to her, but her response straight away was "Do you want to lose weight?" Well yeah of course i do but i dont want to give myself an eating disorder in the process :(
I will call my doctors tomorrow, i need to talk to them and get some advice because i kinda just wanna rub it in her face that she is wrong! Yes i also find i get sodding miserable because im not eating enough.

This last week i've been out with my mum 3 times walking when the weather wasn't raining, and then once yesterday with dan and the girls. In total i've done around 50,000 steps this week which isnt too bad (i think) I have a ring fit game for nintendo switch which i do when i have the energy.

Yes concrete rewards are a much better process than food rewards. Keep doing what you're doing.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#19
Hi Lauren 💞

Try not to diet, make it a healthy lifestyle choice with treats included, focus on health and it should become the new normal. One thing that helped me recently, was changing just one thing at a time, for me it was filling up on wholegrain pasta or rice instead of potatoes for dinner, then I ate fruit salad or nuts (healthy fats) instead of doritos/pringles whilst watching movies, all these little changes add up. Like you, I still have a good bit to lose so hopefully we can encourage each other *hug

1000-1200 calories is too low for any adult and is not healthy so please don't take that advice from your MIL. Of course she has your best interests at heart but there are boundaries, maybe tell her you can handle your heathy habits/eating and self care yourself?

I definitely understand your frustration hun, I remember we were talking about this in chat, I too hide in black clothing, there was one stage last year I was very unhappy about my weight, it was all I could think about and still at times it affects me so you are not alone Lauren. It's hard to lose weight I just started the April healthy lifestyle thread if you want to join in :) I'm in full swing mode to get this excess weight off slowly and healthily. You can too Lauren :)

https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/💦-april-healthy-living-and-weight-gain-loss-maintain-and-fitness-thread-feel-free-to-join.168978/#post-2156581

Like you I'm hoping to lose some more of the weight so I can feel good, wear nice colours and not be breathless and not feel guilty or ashamed. I have lost a bit but want to do it slowly as that is how you can maintain it better. I think you should keep a food and exercise diary or use the myfitnesspal one, despite what your MIL says it helps millions of people track their intake, go for it hun.

The feeling ashamed part, so sorry you feel this way too, Laur :( what helps me there is putting on some nice make-up and having my hairstyle nice, in my head it evens things out, just a suggestion.

A big mistake I was making before was wanting the weight to come off fast, you crash and burn and binge and get even further discouraged about the current approach, set realistic goals and hopefully you will start seeing results.

Pardon my ignorance but I don't know anything really about fibromyalgia, can I ask how it affects or could affect your ability to lose weight? Does your condition affect exercise?

Best of luck with your scans hun, I hope all goes well. You have lots of support here hun. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin, this time with more knowledge 🌈
thankyou for your really lovely message.

Fibro affects my everyday life. so walking, exercising, its all affected but i do try and power through it all. I have to. If i don't i'll be a sack of potatoes with no life. It can have an affect on weight loss big time and can stop it which is probably whats happening to me.

I will definitely have a look at your thread, but dont know if i'll join in as i'll find the more others are losing and im not, will just dishearten me more

yes i think thats my problem, wanting it all to come off quick instead of slowly, even though i know its the best way for it to come off
 
#20
Hey Flamingo.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I've just been for blood tests last week and got all that checked out, the only thing that came back wrong was a slightly elevated liver enzymes. Nothing on the thyroid at all which i thought was the problem but clearly not. Its so frustrating. I've literally got everything going wrong right now.
I have no idea what a Bariatric centre is so i'll give it a google :)
Thankyou for being kind
Bariatric center is medically endorsed plan that takes a holistic approach. Google will probably say its for weight loss surgery. But most places wont give you surgery until you tried other methods & failed. They help with different meal plans. adjusting for a plateau. Psychology helps adjust the reasons & feelings about your body changes.
there are many different approaches. Using HGH HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE, liquid food & medications etc. You see a physical therapist to eval you abilities & help you design a well suited plan physical activity. You see a dietitian for education.
At least that is what a good bariatric facility in-the usa is like.
i have several friends that have used that app for their lifestyle changes With success. One friend lost over a hundred pounds. i have always liked the weight watcher approach with its flexibility. (but i ve always hit a plateau and become frustrated.)

i have some other tips, but i think too mych information at one time can be confusing. We want you to be healthy. the biggest reminder is you are accepted and loved here exactly the way you are❣️
 

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