Sick of feeling Guilty

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PaintedCanvas, May 15, 2008.

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  1. PaintedCanvas

    PaintedCanvas Active Member

    I'm only 22 and I've wanted to die since I was 11.....half my entire life. The problem is, I've only been feeling guilty about it for about 3 weeks. I'm guessin thats because until 3 wks ago I didn't really know how it was going to end....I do now, and it's going to be soon (within the next month).

    I started to think about suicide when I was 11 and by 15 i was sure thats what I was going to do. I always knew I was never going to live a full life. I knew I would never have it in me to do something messy, like slitting my wrists or jumping off, or infront, of something. The only option seemed to be ODing. I tried overdosing on paracetamol, that didn't work, and then with asprin, that didn't work either.

    Because i didn't knowhow i was going to die i couldn't see when.

    3 weeks ago I learned what I needed to make a particular 'cocktail' of drugs that, so long as I mix it properly and take the right amount, is pretty much certain to work (Its also very quick and peaceful). It's going to be a couple more weeks before I've collected all I need.

    Since I almost know for certain how and when I've been feeling really guilty, It's suddenly become much more REAL. It's really going to happen! My mother works in a hospital and, the other day, was telling me how awful it is to see how people turn grey when they die. Little does she know that within a month she may very well find me like that.....and it's killing me.:unsure:
     
  2. CJ87

    CJ87 Member

    Hey canvas, I am 21 (just) so i hear what you are sayin. You mustn't kid yourself about overdosing but , its not quick and simple like in the movies. With drugs, they will have a different effect on different individuals, which is why for example some ppl experience side effects whilst others don't. Also u can't rely on whoever is supplyin u with this info, as they're obviously not acting in ur best interests. ppl think overdosin is the easy way out, but its not. If it goes wrong u can have all sorts of complications such as organ failure etc.
    Its pretty natural to feel guilty if u are thinking of killing urself. But i don't think that is the problem, the problem is that u ARE thinkin of killing urself. And that is what u need to try and fix. Tell a doctor or health care professional. Trust me,i know it can be tough if ur mum is workin in the hospital but u need to try to talk to someone about it if u can't talk to ur mum.
     
  3. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Deleted. You don't deserve advice after seeing your incredible rudeness to me in your other post.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2008
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Hi PC guilt run's with depression so close as anything have you alway's felt like this?Has something happened?you can talk to me or even via PM.
     
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