Sick of it all

Just pure sick of being me. Got bipolar, borderline personality disorder and social anxiety disorder and i cant see the point of being alive anymore. none of it will ever go away. meds are all but useless (except 1) and ive cut myself off from psychiatrist, doctor and cpn. psychiatrist really couldnt care less, doctor seems amused at everything im going through and my cpn is an a*se. they all just take the p*ss out of me.

every rule i say about step daughter (all very reasonable) is waved away by my wife making me look the fool. ive got 2 kids that dont stay with me but regardless of how much i try they're just not interested in me. only friend i have is my dog Jinky. ive loved snakes since i was a boy so got 2 to give me an interest and even they dont like me! they go to my wife but when i turn up they freeze or take off and hide, my wife has even tried taking them out and giving them to me but all they do is turn and try thier best to get back to her.

all i want to do is die but cant do that to my dog. i know everyone else would be better off without me even though my wife says they wont be but they juat cant, or refuse to, see the truth.

im not expecting anyone to reply to this. i just needed to tell someone even though i know no one is interested.

just dont know why im alive. my dad died of cancer at 64, he had a good life so why did he die instead of me? nothing in life makes sense

 

Hi first off if your care workers are not helping you then get new ones okay ones that will support you not make fun of you. I hope you try you are so worth the effort okay. borderline gets better as you age so that one will decrease meds for anxiety hun new ones get a new doc one that will prescribe them for you Keep fighting okay you should not have to face this alone hugs

 

Well I'm interested! How old are your kids? What's going on for them that creates a barrier between you? Step-daughters are tricky! I was in a similar situation a few years ago and I had to walk away from the relationship. I'm not suggesting you do that - just want you to know I recognise how shit it can be. Do you talk to your partner about how you can reach some agreement about boundaries and stuff? I think I should have done that - it might have helped.
Take care xx

 

Agreed, life dosen't make sense, but this life aint going to vanish, so chin up, take a step back, reassess your options and relax for awhile, look after yourself first.