Sick Of It

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by blahblahblacksheep, Jul 28, 2007.

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  1. Everything. Life, love, the universe. fucking hate it all.

    Sick of myself
    Sick of existing
    Sick of the nothingness
    Sick of the secrecy
    Sick of never knowing wtf is going on
    Sick of caring
    Sick of loving
    Sick of this site
    Just fed up with it

    I should never have come back.

    All i want to do is sleep, and die...thats it.

    Nothing will ever change, be like this forever and ever amen.

    Ive just fucking had enough of it all.

    Im so sorry to those I love, and those I care about, I pray that your lives all get better, but for me, I need to do something desperate and radical if im going to save myself. Its the only option left.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    If you're sick of this site, then it's ok to leave or have a break from it. It can be triggering at times I know. It's good to see you want to save yourself though :)
  3. :sad: I read what I wrote and it sounds terrible

    I have to clarify some things

    Yes i fucking hate myself, why wouldnt I? Look at me for fuck sake...there are no words to describe the fuck up that i have become...Ive failed at everything, ive ruined the last 15 years of my mothers life because Im just not capable of forging a life for myself....carrying too much fucking baggage around.

    Got to the point now, where i can barely function. I posted anon because I dont want certain friends to have to respond to this, I just want to say my piece and go.

    I just wish she would open up to me, let me know how things trully are, how she trully feels, ive asked so many times, but she just cant. I love her so much, but I just cant break through that wall. She talks to someone else a lot, and he provides her with a lot of comfort, I feel like a third wheel, I need to know why this has happened again...I need to know shes going to be alright. I look at her picture and ya fucking crying again. Maybe I am still in love with her :sad: maybe that letter I wrote was a fucking lie, still deluding myself. I would give ANYTHING to hold her just once.

    I said im sick of caring, sick of loving :sad: Thats not really how I mean it. There are some people on this site that I care about so much. If anything happened to them id be extremely upset. I guess i just dont feel i can help them at so far away. It just becomes frustrating when you care about people, love some people, and you cant do anything.

    I am sick of this site, that is the truth, but its not because of the people or the just sick of looking at it 8973899384 times a day. I was suppose to have left for good this time...but i keep coming back like a moth to a flame, and I consider it a weakness, that i cant break away. I know if i had other things in my life i probably could...but its like this site is a symptom of my inability to change things. You get what im saying? I dunno.

    I sleep some ridiculous hours each day...its getting worse. I cant see anything changing without some drastic surgery, its that simple....i have to take that step or I wind up dead. I dont know how to be any clearer than that.

    Ive just had enough of living like this. Its breaking me every day. I have to do something.
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    hun even anon i know who this's need to stop this need to stop dwelling on know in your heart it's not healthy..just be happy knowing at least atm she's okay..that shes still out there.

    As for everything is not over you are are not old you can still fix things you just have to really really want to.

    find me on msn and get to talking.
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