I am sick of everything. Everything is fd up, I lose everything that means anything to me! Everyone either uses me, treats me like sht, or takes me for granted. They want want want but heaven forbid I might need anything, oh no she will always take the short end of the stick. It just seems so pointless. To some I have been a punching bag physically. To some, an experiment to see how much they could fk with my head. To others, to most everyone I am the doormat. The one who gets dumped on constantly. I do everything everyone else wants(even when they don't fkng deserve it and know they don't) and I am used for everything, I am the caregiver, the designated driver, the responsible one who has to always make sure everyone elses needs are always accommodated day to day. What do I get in return, nothing! Not even simply an ear to listen, nobody will even do that. "Hey, you just need to get over that murder-suicide in your family and all the abuse you have endured throughout life, it's all in your head, here now my problems are bigger than yours, my paycheck was small this week, my lover is fighting with me, blah blah" No appreciation, everything I do and take and nothing is ever good enough. No one will fkng hear me. I'm broken down. I am tired. Tired of losing loved ones. One by one. Tired of being abused by every man who steps into my life. Tired of people who act like they are friends but are just cold and don't give a flying fk. Tired of insomnia, nightmares, alternating between absolute horror and numbness. Tired of my life being limited by panic attacks and anxiety. I don't even want to leave the house anymore. I don't want to do anything at all. I am sick of everyone, all everyone does is hurt me and expects me to like it. I don't like anything anymore. I have lost all faith in humanity and the world. Tired of not even being taken seriously when I ask for help. It's like I don't exist to anyone unless they can use me for something. Tired of life. I honestly see no point anymore.
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