Sick of living two lives

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sjr2912, Mar 10, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sjr2912

    sjr2912 New Member

    Hi. I found this site by accident but I'm hoping now that I'm here, I can find some kind of help.

    I'm currently living two separate lives and I can't do it any more. The first life is the one that most people see where I'm cracking jokes, I'm quite out-spoken and the kind of person that will do anything to help anyone. However this is nothing but a front for who I am really am. I'm deeply depressed, I honestly can't remember the last time I felt remotely happy with my life and am now at the stage where I think about ending my life on a daily basis.

    What makes it worse is that I'm having to put so much effort into keeping up the "public" me that I now find myself more unhappy with my life because I know how much of a lie I'm living.

    Add all this to the fact that I have very few, if any, true friends and next to no prospects when it comes to my work / love life and I truly don't see any way out of this hole that I'm in - other than ending it all.

    I know I need help but I don't know where to start. After living this fake life, I'm honestly scared of saying to my family/friends for fear of how they'll react to me lying to them all this time. It's now reached the stage where no matter what I do, I'm going to end up hurting someone - either by admitting I've been living a lie or by actually ending my life.

    I really do not know what to do. If there is anyone that can offer advice, please feel free to do so.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this.
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Welcome, I'm glad you're here. And you would probably be surprised how many of us do the same.
    You've come to a safe place, we are a caring community that looks out for each other. We'll suppot and encourage you.
    You can post virtually anything on your mind (as long as you don't violate the FAQs) and not worry about being judged or condemned.
    You're not expected to be anybody except who you really are. And we're very good listeners. Maybe you could start out here, make some friends to be honest with, and then either get some counseling or therapy. Or maybe just realistic friends on the outside - I don't think most people expect for someone to be up and funny all the time (but I've been wrong before ;-) )
    Stick around and post some more, get to know us (((hugs)))
  3. Sojourn

    Sojourn Member

    Your message resonates with me, as I feel like a hypocrite at times too -- you wear one mask and play your role, because if you don't and you let the facade slip, well...

    I am heading in that direction too, going through the motions of life while trying to figure out how to end it. I'm sorry, I have no words of wisdom or any sage advice...just wanted to let you know, you are not the only one who feels like this. I do hope it gets better for you.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.